Worried About Situation With Girlfriend...Should I Have Any Reason to be Worried?

[Mr Nice Guy]

Hey all...I have a problem with someone I'm in a relationship with. I'm kind of confused about what's happening and am beginning to worry. I’m sorry about the length.

 

I met my current girlfriend online around late last year to the start of the year. She's 19, I'm 27. I decided to have another shot at online dating after dating women in the real world over the past six to eight months. We immediately hit it off and after talking for about a week online through emails and msn we met up for a date. That date went really well and so after about three more dates, we became exclusive.

 

Everything was going really really well. We have a lot in common and could talk. We messaged each other first thing in the morning, called each other on lunch breaks at work an saw each other a few times a week. We had our first kiss on the second date and made out when we were able to, gradually getting more physical but holding off on sex.

 

Everything was great until this past weekend. On Friday night, I went ice-skating with her and her friends. While on the ice, she continually said I looked sad (it was actually my neutral expression) and kept asking me if something was wrong. She doesn't like to see guys sad because, in her opinion, guys don't show those kinds of emotions much and when they do, it must be a huge problem. I wasn't upset about anything between us (I was actually having a good time) and although I was thinking about something small that happened at work that day, it was so small that it didn’t rate a mention. Also while skating that night, I fell on the ice and my girlfriend who was right behind me, couldn't avoid me and fell, hurting her back. She laughed off the fall and said it was nothing, while I was worried about her and felt bad because I felt it was my fault that she was hurt.

 

The next day I was at work, but messaged and called her during the day to see how she was. I texted before work, called her on my break and left another text. By the end of the day I was really worried. She would later tell me that she was watching movies all day and her phone was in the other room. She didn't reply until 5pm when she asked me if I was still going to a theme park with her and her friends the next day, which I was. We had lots of fun the next day. At the end of the day when I dropped her home, there was no goodbye kiss and she just said we'll talk later. I just put it down to tiredness since we were out from 7am-7pm. We didn't talk or message again until 10pm when she messaged me saying "Pretty sure you're mad at me. What's up?" I actually wasn't close to mad; in fact all I was thinking of was messaging her to tell her that I missed her and if I could see her the next day after work. I called her after her message to straighten things out and she said she was just checking.

 

The next day while on my lunch break at work, I decided to show how much I cared by getting her some roses for when I saw her after work. When I gave them to her she was so ecstatic and we ended up having a private moment together (kissing & heavy touching but no sex involved.)

 

Everything was still okay until tonight. We messaged each other from the morning and when she was on lunch. Unlike the previous week, I opted not to go with her to her dance class. We talked on msn before she left and after she got back. But when she got back she seemed to be a lot more quiet.

 

So, in short the relationship has gotten a bit weird. Text messages to each other have still been affectionate. She seemed to have gotten it in her head that I'm upset with her, even though I’ve been assuring her nothing is up. I'm worried that something might be wrong, that she might be upset with me for something. If she's considering ending it, there's no real indication that she's unhappy with the relationship because as recent as tonight, she's been telling her friends that she's happy being with me. She still makes me giddy with happiness when I see her.

 

So any thoughts on the situation? Should I be worried about it?

[Kinder-Horror]

I really don't want to do this - but I might have to pull the age card here. ONLY because when I was 19, I dated a 27 year old for about a year and it was the most confusing relationship for me. Communication was weird and I constantly had a feeling that he was upset about something (though he usually wasn't). I chalked it up to him being more quiet than me overall - but the older I got, the more I realized how huge of an age difference that is. and how people in those age groups communicate differently.

When I was 19, it felt like long silences meant something was wrong. It doesn't make much sense, but in the wake of all these technologies (IM, email, texting, cellphones), it is so easy to be in touch with someone that if you aren't in constant contact, I can see how a young woman might think something is wrong.

 

I am not sure how to solve that, if that is the case though - other that her just growing up and not getting sad or feeling like something is wrong if you don't go to every dance class or spend 12 hours straight at a theme park 100% focused on her.

 

I do think something is weird about the whole not texting you back until the end of the day and claiming she was watching movies in the other room... seems a little weird. But if it doesn't bother you - more power to ya.

[Cee]

I have two friends who are 19 and 27 and are getting along well. One thing I have noticed is that they spend a ton of time together even though he lives an hour away and has a full time job. My hunch is that they talk constantly via text. They are always responding to each other via FB.

 

I think your GF probably needs a lot of verbal reassurance. This might mean telling her more than you think is worth telling her. Or it might mean accepting that she'll get upset if you make a frown or get momentarily distant.

 

When I was 19 and I asked my boyfriend if he was upset or mad at me, it was because something was bothering me or I was upset. I'm not trying to make you paranoid, but when she wants to get you talking, I would suggest you get her talking instead. She might have something she is afraid to share.

 

Ah, the joys of dating a teen ager. I do not envy you. Good luck.

[Mr Nice Guy]

Everyone that I have talked to about it has said that its miscommunication and I just need to talk to her about it. We have talked and I've explained myself. She has said that she wants me to smile more when around her (in her words "you're not allowed to look sad around me" and I haven't, not because she wants me to be happy around her but because she genuinely makes me happy). Between us when we talk we never had a long silence at any point. I understand that when people are tired, they are less chatty, so there's some benefit of the doubt there. So silence isn't an issue.

 

Every major point of contact has been made by her ie when we found each other on the website, she contacted me first. When we started talking on msn, she asked for my email. When we exchanged numbers, she asked for mine first.

 

Cee, we don't always talk over text...we do call as well and we see each other as much as we can. We've hardly talked to each other on FB. But I have seen her talk about me as recently as tonight (Perth Australia time) to one of her friends, referring to me as a very nice boyfriend about the other day when I got her flowers. Our text messages have generally been very affectionate and so have our msn chats ie when I say "I miss you" she'll say "I miss you more" and "I heart you", "yours forever" and so on.

 

I've been trying to reassure her that I wouldn't run or dump her at the first sign of trouble. And I wouldn't. So I'm doing everything I can to put her at ease. She, at the same time has said that she's not going anywhere either. But on top of that she's also told me not to worry, but SHE will worry regardless. I understand now that I should tell her everything, I've been told that on Saturday. I will though, take on getting her to talk a bit and get her to share.

 

Honestly, I believe that between us age is not really an issue. While she's 19 turning 20, she is intelligent and has shown flashes of maturity for her age.

 

Aside from all that I'm still worried that we might head to a breakup, even though we communicate well, are affectionate and she has indicated she is very happy with the relationship. So I guess you can see how I can be worried and confused about the recent weirdness.

[Mr Nice Guy]

Sorry to get everyone's attention...but any other opinions or suggestions? I'm more than a little worried about what might happen and at a loss of what to do and how to handle it. All are welcome.