NG85 Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Last night I had a first date with a girl I met online. We had been talking via email for a few weeks and had already learned a little about one another. The date was a bit awkward at first, as a lot of real-life meet-ups with people from dating sites happen to go, but within a few minutes we got to talking and stayed out for about 4 hours. Things were going really well, we talked and talked and talked and got to know one another. Then things took a turn when we left the place we were at. As we parted, she said she'd talk to me later, and I gave her a hug. I then asked if I could have a kiss, but was denied. I know it's kind of dorky to ask, but I think it would've been weirder if I went in for the kiss without asking - Some girls get offended by that. The part that made it awkward was that she kept saying she doesn't kiss on the first date and sort of sarcastically went "What kind of girl do you think I am?" I panicked a bit, but told her it was fine. As I walked away, she said something along the lines of "Maybe next time". So earlier this evening I texted her, just to let her know it was nice meeting her and that I had a nice time. Still no response after 6 hours, even though she's usually very quick with responding to texts. I'm afraid I completely blew my chances with this girl by asking for a kiss. But at the same time I'm confused since before we parted she mentioned talking to me later and implying a second date within 30 seconds. Am I just jumping the gun, assuming she doesn't want to talk to me, when really she could just not be near her phone at the moment? Link to post Share on other sites
ivalm Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) Last night I had a first date with a girl I met online. We had been talking via email for a few weeks and had already learned a little about one another. The date was a bit awkward at first, as a lot of real-life meet-ups with people from dating sites happen to go, but within a few minutes we got to talking and stayed out for about 4 hours. Things were going really well, we talked and talked and talked and got to know one another. Then things took a turn when we left the place we were at. As we parted, she said she'd talk to me later, and I gave her a hug. I then asked if I could have a kiss, but was denied. I know it's kind of dorky to ask, but I think it would've been weirder if I went in for the kiss without asking - Some girls get offended by that. The part that made it awkward was that she kept saying she doesn't kiss on the first date and sort of sarcastically went "What kind of girl do you think I am?" I panicked a bit, but told her it was fine. As I walked away, she said something along the lines of "Maybe next time". So earlier this evening I texted her, just to let her know it was nice meeting her and that I had a nice time. Still no response after 6 hours, even though she's usually very quick with responding to texts. I'm afraid I completely blew my chances with this girl by asking for a kiss. But at the same time I'm confused since before we parted she mentioned talking to me later and implying a second date within 30 seconds. Am I just jumping the gun, assuming she doesn't want to talk to me, when really she could just not be near her phone at the moment? Hm, I usually don't text/contact right after dates, but whatever. I guess you'll have to wait and see. Don't contact her for a couple of days unless she contacts you. Also, I think you shouldn't ask for permission to kiss; if it's not evident that she will accept the kiss, don't kiss her, wait Also, I think you can tell if a girl is willing to be kissed if she allows you to touch her face/hair/neck (this can be done very non-aggressively and you get to read her body-language response). Generally, my policy is always to broach the touch barrier as much as I can get away with as this makes kissing feel more natural and also doesn't give the girl a chance to flat out "deny" you (and if the girl is not interested, you'll definitely see it from her motions). Edited January 18, 2011 by ivalm Link to post Share on other sites
Author NG85 Posted January 18, 2011 Author Share Posted January 18, 2011 Thanks for the advice, Ivalm. The touch barrier thing is something I realized after the fact I should've take into consideration. Aside from a hug when she got there and a hug when we left, we never touched. One thing, though, was we did share our drinks with one another and drank out of the same bottles, so I guess she wasn't offended by my saliva. The date was more of a way to get to know one another, and I guess I jumped the gun by asking for a kiss. If we do go out another time I'll try and break the touch barrier again. Link to post Share on other sites
ivalm Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) Thanks for the advice, Ivalm. The touch barrier thing is something I realized after the fact I should've take into consideration. Aside from a hug when she got there and a hug when we left, we never touched. One thing, though, was we did share our drinks with one another and drank out of the same bottles, so I guess she wasn't offended by my saliva. The date was more of a way to get to know one another, and I guess I jumped the gun by asking for a kiss. If we do go out another time I'll try and break the touch barrier again. Yes, remember to start touching early in the date but non-threateningly and "accidentally" (for example brushing some blemish from her hair/face, or touching her shoulder as part of gesticulation when you make a point, many ways) then escalate but remember to NOT grope or do anything stupid. It should be all natural and not contrived. Seriously, the idea is to establish ability to touch her freely, and if she is all right with that then she'll definitely be happy with a kiss. And DO NOT ASK HER, go for it! Edit: Also, only recently did I realize how much work some girl put into their hair. So, make sure to not mess it up or you might just face the full brunt of her fury Edited January 18, 2011 by ivalm Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Am I just jumping the gun, assuming she doesn't want to talk to me, when really she could just not be near her phone at the moment? Yes you're jumping the gun. You can't really tell anything from the delay in response. Maybe she'll reply today or tomorrow or maybe she never will. So, be patient, but don't let "waiting" eat up your life in the meantime. If there are other girls you're interested in then keep talking with them, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 FWIW, asking for the kiss likely didn't have an impact either way. If she liked you, asking or not wouldn't change her opinion of you (same thing with the text). And if she didn't like you, well then, it doesn't matter anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 If I liked a guy, I wouldn't be put off by him asking for a kiss. If she decides not to see you again, it has nothing to do with that; she just wasn't into you. Link to post Share on other sites
baguette Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Definitely agree with the previous two posters. Don't read into all the minute details. Maybe she just wasn't that into you. Ask her out one more time and if no response move on. Link to post Share on other sites
OceanGirl Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 I see all you people posting how you did X, Y or Z and you 'screwed up'. The truth is, when someone is into you - it's very hard to screw things up. None of these details matter like "I sent her a text right after the date" or "I asked if I should kiss her"... Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 NG, my lady saw me coughing all night during our date, I just caught a cold, and she still kissed me heavily at the end of the night. She was REALLY into me to do that. So if this woman was really into you, asking for a kiss wouldnt be THAT bad, although it is kinda bad. I think if you texted her and she didnt answer, she probably doesnt like you. I think her saying "i dont kiss on ther first date" is horseshyt. There arent many women who do that, unless they arent attracted to you enough to WANT to kiss you. I dont think its anything you did, she just isnt feeling you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NG85 Posted January 18, 2011 Author Share Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) Thanks for the advice, all. Yeah, it was hard to get a good read on her through some parts of the date, but it seemed like she was into it (Unless she's a good actor). We established a bit of a rapport online, but she did seem really nervous throughout a lot of it. One good sign was she absolutely insisted she pay for the first round of drinks. I paid for the second and third. She didn't try and end it early, though, but we did leave once it started getting pretty late. I guess it is possible that she decided she's not into me. It is also possible that she doesn't kiss on the first date, or she needs to build more of a rapport before she can, which is understandable. I'm some dude she just met from the internet, so things are sometimes awkward at the first meeting. I'll give her a call later in the week and try and set something up for this weekend. If that falls through, I do have another girl I've been chatting up who wants to meet to check out some museums. EDIT: I've also been thinking about patterns we've established since we began talking. We would email one another no more than once a day or once every two days. Maybe she's just gonna wait a day to text me back, who knows. But texts aren't really like email, and it's uncommon to get a response to a text a day or two later. Hmmmm... Edited January 18, 2011 by NG85 Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Don't contact her for a couple of days unless she contacts you. What's with the lame "wait a couple of days" advice? Link to post Share on other sites
ivalm Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) What's with the lame "wait a couple of days" advice? Because he ALREADY contacted her.. it's her turn to reply. Most often, if she isn't interested the relationship should die, if she is interested, she'll contact him herself. At the same time, if for some psychological reasons she likes him but DIDN'T contact him, then contacting her in 2 days (again, don't wait TOO long) will give her a pleasant surprise while at the same time make his interest level more uncertain to her. At this point he may try to qualify her and if all goes well make her more interested in him. As other posters pointed out, she is probably not very into OP yet, but it doesn't mean the relationship can't blossom into something very good! Of course, if she doesn't reply to his second attempt (in a couple of days), then chances are he has to move on. I don't think stalking a girl with multiple unrequited contacts is ever an effective strategy. It shows desperation and makes the guy look like a creep. Edited January 18, 2011 by ivalm Link to post Share on other sites
Author NG85 Posted January 18, 2011 Author Share Posted January 18, 2011 Yeah, I figure either the lapse in contact is due to a lack of interest, or perhaps she could just be nervous. It was Monday night when I contacted her, so if I don't hear from her by Thursday I may give her a call. If the call goes well, I'll ask her out for Saturday. Sound good? Link to post Share on other sites
ivalm Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Yeah, I figure either the lapse in contact is due to a lack of interest, or perhaps she could just be nervous. It was Monday night when I contacted her, so if I don't hear from her by Thursday I may give her a call. If the call goes well, I'll ask her out for Saturday. Sound good? Sounds like a good plan to me. You could even try Wednesday evening (for the call). Link to post Share on other sites
GivenUp0083 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I see all you people posting how you did X, Y or Z and you 'screwed up'. The truth is, when someone is into you - it's very hard to screw things up. None of these details matter like "I sent her a text right after the date" or "I asked if I should kiss her"... Oceangirl, I'm impressed with how far you've come. Good to see you post this! Yeah, I figure either the lapse in contact is due to a lack of interest, or perhaps she could just be nervous. It was Monday night when I contacted her, so if I don't hear from her by Thursday I may give her a call. If the call goes well, I'll ask her out for Saturday. Sound good? You contacted her, she got your call/text, she's either choosing not to get back to you because she doesn't like you, or she's been super busy and/or had a major serious event take place in her life (i.e. death in the family, car accident) and she'll call you when she's ready. Calling again on Thursday will just make you look like a tool. I've been in your spot, take it from experience, you did your part all you can do is move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NG85 Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 That's another good point, GivenUp. I guess I'll see how I feel about it on Thursday. I swear, these courtship games drive me nuts! Link to post Share on other sites
Author NG85 Posted January 20, 2011 Author Share Posted January 20, 2011 And I'm back with an update. I gave her a call tonight to ask her out for Saturday, but it rang until it went to voicemail. I left a message, so hopefully she'll call back. And if she doesn't, then so be it, I also made other plans with some friends. Link to post Share on other sites
shawna92 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 (edited) its raelly hard to tell...u cant tell from a first online date--even if uve been talking a lot. Because people online--u dont know their real situation, their life....they could be married, dating, they may not like you they may have issues. I dont know abotu other women but i for one would not want a guy kissing me-- if he tried it just upsets me...but thats me and im a little different....if a guy asks i feel much better, but to me it generally offends me when a guy asks to kiss me on a first date....because i dont get the point in kissing when we just met....but other women may not be offended by it since most women are not as anal about it as I am. I get offended b/c it makes me think the guy is just trying to get something sexual off me and usually they are....but not every guy is I assume. I would wait and see but sometmies when people stop texting suddenly...tehres a reason....they are slowly losing interest or dont want to kit suddenly..ive had guys---oht hey text me every morning..hey how are you?? then boom they stop...of course i know the sign....they are losing interest in talking and will soon cease communication very soon and they always do....and its not you its just how people are these days...yes theres a chance if u called her, and she didnt answer, she 'may' call you back...but if she doesnt very soon...sometimes its an obvious sign tehy arent interested...i know because ive had guys---when theyre interested (in getting laid so their interest is hueg and they are available 24/7)... they will answer every phone call, text me all the time...then they lose interest so boom they soon...cancel plans, are never available, and then rarely text me...or suddenly they are 'losing texts' or i didnt get their message.....the first time they dont answer my phone call is teh obvious one they have lost interest....then it just goes downhill from there...but these are people i only talked to for a week so i expected this kind of behavior from them...with every person it varies...but generally those aer just fast warning signs... Edited January 20, 2011 by shawna92 Link to post Share on other sites
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