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how to get my boyfriend to make plans


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Old 17th January 2011, 12:06 AM   #1
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how to get my boyfriend to make plans

So my boyfriend isn't a planner.... is more spontaneous. And I'm the planner person in the relationship. Lately I have been making all the plans for when we hang out and I'm tired of it. So I would like to know what I can do so that he will start making plans. I think we just got into the habit where I always make them simply because I beat him to it.

So here is the deal. We both have the next two days off..... and this time I have not made any plans today (Sunday) for any of those days like I usually do. It has also been a week since he spent time with me (because he was out of town). I know if he does make any plans it will be spontaneous because he has done that since the beginning of the relationship. Does anyone have any advice for encouraging their boyfriend to make plans? I don't want to confront him about it... just want to plant some seeds so that his behavior might change a little.
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Old 17th January 2011, 12:12 AM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetblubrry View Post
So my boyfriend isn't a planner.... is more spontaneous. And I'm the planner person in the relationship. Lately I have been making all the plans for when we hang out and I'm tired of it. So I would like to know what I can do so that he will start making plans. I think we just got into the habit where I always make them simply because I beat him to it.

So here is the deal. We both have the next two days off..... and this time I have not made any plans today (Sunday) for any of those days like I usually do. It has also been a week since he spent time with me (because he was out of town). I know if he does make any plans it will be spontaneous because he has done that since the beginning of the relationship. Does anyone have any advice for encouraging their boyfriend to make plans? I don't want to confront him about it... just want to plant some seeds so that his behavior might change a little.
I'm dealing with a similair situation. I think you should step back and not say anything. Let him take the lead.
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Old 17th January 2011, 1:02 AM   #3
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Also I feel my boyfriend is becoming too comfortable with me. Like he doesn't do anything of the little things anymore... like ask me how my day was. Or i'll ask him how is was.... and then he doesn't ask me. Just the cute, polite little things he used to do. Is there a way to change that up as well without confronting him about it? We've been dating 7 months and are both 25.
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Old 17th January 2011, 1:14 AM   #4
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I am dealing with the same thing as well Sweet --- I don't have much advice because with my S/O, if you don't nicely hint or flat out ask, he'll do it when he feels like it (annoying quirk) or he has at times, gotten comfortable with it not being done or me eventually getting fed up and doing it (lol)... it would have to be based on your BF.

Since he is the spontaneous type, is he spontaneous to avoid commitment? And commitment can be extended to anything... plans, responsibilities, etc. As in, he wants to "keep all his options open" for just in case plans/invites from friends?

Also, have you expressed to him how you'd like him to take charge a little more?

[edit] I just saw your other post --- wow! I have the same thing. This I can help with -- my S/O says he just doesn't think about it. Such as when someone says "hello" it's an automatic response to say hi back. Mine said he did not ask me because he did not care, he just didn't think. I usually respond with a text or by saying "Yeah, I am doing good, thanks for asking" if he doesn't ask me! LOL!
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Last edited by TarnishedInequity; 17th January 2011 at 1:16 AM..
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Old 17th January 2011, 2:15 AM   #5
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All I can come up with is that guys eventually get sick of "the chase" after some time. If it would be up to us, then we would cut right trough all the bullsh*t protocols and rituals. It's mentally tiring, because "the chase" is a draining process, we just want you to be with us, period. If you require that chase to be too long, then men can just give up after a while.

Women want a sustained effort. Women want guys to keep chasing them even after the real chase is over. Very few men actually know that. The few that do know might think that putting in that kind of effort is insane. However there are men that will keep putting in the effort. But it's better if it would be their own idea to keep making that effort.
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Old 17th January 2011, 11:33 AM   #6
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Spontanious Plans

He is spontanious, he is not a planner.

I am the same way, we do not change.

Maybe for a vacation or something eleborate that needs planning we plan but spontanious people like to...
see how they are feeling and what sounds good depending on their mood, energy etc and then go do it.

My advice, stop planning everything in advance with him, this gets annoying, now and then is okay. When you both know you will have time together share a few ideas that come to mind and then that day choose one or just do whatever you both are in the mood for... the point is roll with it and have fun together.

Last edited by Melocoton; 17th January 2011 at 11:38 AM..
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Old 17th January 2011, 8:02 PM   #7
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Ask him to make plans with you more often. Tell him that because you are a planner you miss how, in the beginning, he used to plan out dates---not that he has to plan them all, but if he could plan one once a month or so, as well as just set dates to see you so that you can keep your schedule the way you like. Explain that it helps you to know when you'll see him but that what you do, or maybe even the times, can be more spontaneous.

In other words:
Communicate and compromise.

By 7 months, you should know how to talk to each other well enough to start a conversation about something like this if it's bothering you.
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Old 17th January 2011, 8:40 PM   #8
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Easier said than done

You can't make anyone do anything, just look at your friends, when have you ever got them to change their behaviour?
You can put up and shut up till eventually it annoys you so much , that ou start to get angy about the way he scratches his nose or, you can cut losses, leave.
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