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My 35th birthday.....no call, let alone Christmas


colliejoanie

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Truly can't believe it. Guy (albiet tumultuous) I've been dating for 4 months goes home for Christmas.....left Wednesday the 23rd, won't be back until the 2nd.

 

Stayed with me Sunday night before he left (20th). Usual cuddling, kissing my head, hugging me tight. He sent me one brief text on Tuesday, hoping things were well. I called that night because I knew he was leaving the next day....just wanted to check in, and also someone had texted me they were getting a new # as of tomorrow but didn't leave a name....wondered if it was him.......he answered. Said he was sleeping. He'd call me later........haven't heard from him since. That was the 22nd.

 

Today is my birthday. My babysitter cancelled, so I'm here by myself. And this guy hasn't called...not for Christmas (I sent a merry Christmas text) and not today. I'm first....so hurt. but second. So disgusted that I let myself become hurt.

 

Anyone have any words of encouragement????? I'm 35. Single mom to a beautiful 2.5 yr old. Finishing my degree, and working full time. I know I'm a good person. WHY the FRIGGIN vanishing act? Please give me the courtesy of a "we're not compatible" vs this feeling of "maybe something happened to his phone".

 

He's the first person I've actually "dated" since my divorce. We've had many road blocks so far because of our past relationships.....for me, it's not like he's the love of my life and I can't live without him......but it's more of this horrible, selfish, immature way of him letting me go.....

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Sounds to me that he doesn't want to get too close...

Just close enough to get some but not close enough to commit.

 

If it isn't what you need or want then have a discussion with him about it.

If you don't let him know of your expectations he can't meet them.

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I swear the more posts I read, the more I think my "guy" is dating everyone on here, bc he's doing the same thing right now. Lemme rephrase that: this dip-sh*t that has pretty much ruined his chances with the coolest girl ever (um- me) has been doing the same thing to me. I got a little bit of a warning, at least- he said "the holidays are hard for me since I lost my father". I get it. Still, I don't think a text back is an unreasonable request.

 

My advice? Don't be dumb like me and continue to text bc it just pushes them further away. I just started a thread on it the other day if you;re impatient & want to read it before you start getting responses

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t258324

 

I've dealt with 2 guys who've done this now. Chaaaaarming, seemingly perfect, then poof! They're gone. I played this game for 5 years on and off with one ex. Trust me- it's hard to walk away, but I'd suggest you do it now if this is how he behaves under "pressure".

 

AND, Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas. xo

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creighton0123

Happy Birthday :-)

 

Perhaps he's just not paying attention to his phone. Many people don't. He also may not know it is your birthday or not remember.

 

Also, does his family know he's seeing someone? If he's with them and doesn't share much with them, perhaps he just doesn't want them to know.

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Girlygirl1977

I feel like this guy is giving you nothing but heartache. Still I think you are timid about expressing your needs with him. Didn't you guys move to being only friends? If so why are you still sleeping with him?

 

At any rate -i would express your needs as you seem to want more. If you can't get it, perhaps you should walk.

 

It sux to feel lonely on your bday esp if you are dating someone! I'm so very sorry to hear this.

 

Happy birthday and merry xmas!

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Yeah, good question "why am I still sleeping with him". But I was....And he admitted in a lengthy conversation, that he was giving mixed signals......he'd say we're just friends and then call saying "I need to talk to you, you're the only one that understands". We'd meet for lunch, then later he'd call and ask to come to my house......STUPID STUPID STUPID!

 

Anyway, I KNOW how gullible I've been.....how lonely.....how possibly desperate......please, no berating!!! :) Just really want to know if others have been stood up like this on the holidays.......and how long it'll take me to get over it! :)

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make me believe

No, hun, you KNOW this has nothing to do with his phone. :( Why would you tumultuously date someone for 4 months anyway, though? That in itself is a HUGE red flag that shouldn't be ignored. At four months in, the relationship should be fun & fresh & exciting. Not tumultuous. This guy is BS. I'm sorry that you're hurt, but if you don't contact him again you can at least spare your pride, right? And don't respond to him if he contacts you! Lots of guys pull this crap, so don't feel like it's your fault. This has happened to most of us!

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No, hun, you KNOW this has nothing to do with his phone. :( Why would you tumultuously date someone for 4 months anyway, though? That in itself is a HUGE red flag that shouldn't be ignored. At four months in, the relationship should be fun & fresh & exciting. Not tumultuous. This guy is BS. I'm sorry that you're hurt, but if you don't contact him again you can at least spare your pride, right? And don't respond to him if he contacts you! Lots of guys pull this crap, so don't feel like it's your fault. This has happened to most of us!

 

Thanks.......you're right.....it's so easy to say to someone else (because I have so many times) but so hard to hear.....and DO. What a jerk!!!!!

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Firstly, Happy Birthday.

 

I would have to agree with Art here, he seems to be keeping you at arms length, and I wouldnt be suprised if he calls you when he is up for it.

 

Not that that is going to make you feel any better about things.

 

I guess in this situation, he is making his true colours shown and if this is not acceptable to you then just cut him off now,or talk to him about it and show that your worth more than this disrespect. It sounds like your doing really well for yourself and would be a great companion for someone, but, someone worthy of yourself and your 2.5 yr old.

 

Sometimes guys act like this and just dont have the courage to either be honest or end things with some decency, and then your just left scratching your head, thinking its something you've done wrong. But dont let it stop you from where your heading....its his loss at the end of the day.

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Thanks Sweatpea! Yes, as each day passes and there's no contact from him it makes me stronger.....hopefully to be able to NOT answer the phone when he calls, because I do feel he will. But allowing him back in will just show him how I expect to be treated.....and this ISNT how I expect to be treated. It's been good for me, I think. Every experience is a learning one.

 

For some reason, this guy really had me. But, I know there are sooooo many more, even better guys out there......I AM going to take a break from dating for a while though, just to digest this, and to see where I made my mistakes and work on them.

 

Still in shock about his behavior, but it's getting easier.

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well if he's telling you that you two are just friends he doesn't seem to be interested in pursuing a serious relationship with you.

 

If you're saying --you're not in love and so on then what's the big deal?

Just relax a bit and accept the relationship for what it is...unless you actually want more why are you stressing out?

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Happy Birthday, Merry XMAS! You're attractive enough for him to keep sleeping with you, so you're attractive enough to count on other, more decent fellows to come calling on you.

 

You don't need this guy, better fish in the see.

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Happy Birthday, Merry XMAS! You're attractive enough for him to keep sleeping with you, so you're attractive enough to count on other, more decent fellows to come calling on you.

 

You don't need this guy, better fish in the see.

 

HEY! This is brilliant! I'm such a girl.....I need to think of things like this.....after he didn't respond to my Merry Christmas text, it totally took me down into the drudges......but thinking of it this way, YES......I know he was totally attracted to me. I know others have been recently as well. I just need to make it a priority to get out and meet more people!

 

So, anyway, thank you for this! I appreciate it!

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Happy Birthday!!!

 

 

He sounds like a total loser and should be forgotten asap!!

 

 

Its about to be a new year and no losers are allowed!!!

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