LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

My 35th birthday.....no call, let alone Christmas


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 27th December 2010, 9:47 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 345
My 35th birthday.....no call, let alone Christmas

Truly can't believe it. Guy (albiet tumultuous) I've been dating for 4 months goes home for Christmas.....left Wednesday the 23rd, won't be back until the 2nd.

Stayed with me Sunday night before he left (20th). Usual cuddling, kissing my head, hugging me tight. He sent me one brief text on Tuesday, hoping things were well. I called that night because I knew he was leaving the next day....just wanted to check in, and also someone had texted me they were getting a new # as of tomorrow but didn't leave a name....wondered if it was him.......he answered. Said he was sleeping. He'd call me later........haven't heard from him since. That was the 22nd.

Today is my birthday. My babysitter cancelled, so I'm here by myself. And this guy hasn't called...not for Christmas (I sent a merry Christmas text) and not today. I'm first....so hurt. but second. So disgusted that I let myself become hurt.

Anyone have any words of encouragement????? I'm 35. Single mom to a beautiful 2.5 yr old. Finishing my degree, and working full time. I know I'm a good person. WHY the FRIGGIN vanishing act? Please give me the courtesy of a "we're not compatible" vs this feeling of "maybe something happened to his phone".

He's the first person I've actually "dated" since my divorce. We've had many road blocks so far because of our past relationships.....for me, it's not like he's the love of my life and I can't live without him......but it's more of this horrible, selfish, immature way of him letting me go.....
colliejoanie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th December 2010, 9:51 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Art_Critic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 28,938
Sounds to me that he doesn't want to get too close...
Just close enough to get some but not close enough to commit.

If it isn't what you need or want then have a discussion with him about it.
If you don't let him know of your expectations he can't meet them.
__________________
~~ One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.. ~~
Art_Critic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th December 2010, 9:53 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Art_Critic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 28,938
By the way.. Happy B-day and Merry Christmas..
Art_Critic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th December 2010, 9:57 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 345
Thanks for the Birthday wishes.......
colliejoanie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th December 2010, 10:06 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Titania22's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,899
Happy Birthday
Titania22 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th December 2010, 10:16 PM   #6
ecm
Established Member
 
ecm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 453
I swear the more posts I read, the more I think my "guy" is dating everyone on here, bc he's doing the same thing right now. Lemme rephrase that: this dip-sh*t that has pretty much ruined his chances with the coolest girl ever (um- me) has been doing the same thing to me. I got a little bit of a warning, at least- he said "the holidays are hard for me since I lost my father". I get it. Still, I don't think a text back is an unreasonable request.

My advice? Don't be dumb like me and continue to text bc it just pushes them further away. I just started a thread on it the other day if you;re impatient & want to read it before you start getting responses


http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t258324

I've dealt with 2 guys who've done this now. Chaaaaarming, seemingly perfect, then poof! They're gone. I played this game for 5 years on and off with one ex. Trust me- it's hard to walk away, but I'd suggest you do it now if this is how he behaves under "pressure".

AND, Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas. xo
ecm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th December 2010, 10:33 PM   #7
Established Member
 
creighton0123's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: MA
Posts: 1,480
Happy Birthday :-)

Perhaps he's just not paying attention to his phone. Many people don't. He also may not know it is your birthday or not remember.

Also, does his family know he's seeing someone? If he's with them and doesn't share much with them, perhaps he just doesn't want them to know.
creighton0123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th December 2010, 10:48 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: large city, usa
Posts: 393
I feel like this guy is giving you nothing but heartache. Still I think you are timid about expressing your needs with him. Didn't you guys move to being only friends? If so why are you still sleeping with him?

At any rate -i would express your needs as you seem to want more. If you can't get it, perhaps you should walk.

It sux to feel lonely on your bday esp if you are dating someone! I'm so very sorry to hear this.

Happy birthday and merry xmas!
Girlygirl1977 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th December 2010, 10:55 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 345
Yeah, good question "why am I still sleeping with him". But I was....And he admitted in a lengthy conversation, that he was giving mixed signals......he'd say we're just friends and then call saying "I need to talk to you, you're the only one that understands". We'd meet for lunch, then later he'd call and ask to come to my house......STUPID STUPID STUPID!

Anyway, I KNOW how gullible I've been.....how lonely.....how possibly desperate......please, no berating!!! Just really want to know if others have been stood up like this on the holidays.......and how long it'll take me to get over it!
colliejoanie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th December 2010, 12:26 AM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,362
No, hun, you KNOW this has nothing to do with his phone. Why would you tumultuously date someone for 4 months anyway, though? That in itself is a HUGE red flag that shouldn't be ignored. At four months in, the relationship should be fun & fresh & exciting. Not tumultuous. This guy is BS. I'm sorry that you're hurt, but if you don't contact him again you can at least spare your pride, right? And don't respond to him if he contacts you! Lots of guys pull this crap, so don't feel like it's your fault. This has happened to most of us!
make me believe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th December 2010, 1:07 AM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 345
Quote:
Originally Posted by make me believe View Post
No, hun, you KNOW this has nothing to do with his phone. Why would you tumultuously date someone for 4 months anyway, though? That in itself is a HUGE red flag that shouldn't be ignored. At four months in, the relationship should be fun & fresh & exciting. Not tumultuous. This guy is BS. I'm sorry that you're hurt, but if you don't contact him again you can at least spare your pride, right? And don't respond to him if he contacts you! Lots of guys pull this crap, so don't feel like it's your fault. This has happened to most of us!
Thanks.......you're right.....it's so easy to say to someone else (because I have so many times) but so hard to hear.....and DO. What a jerk!!!!!
colliejoanie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th December 2010, 5:56 PM   #12
New Member
 
sweetpea73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: In the sticks, southern England
Posts: 7
Firstly, Happy Birthday.

I would have to agree with Art here, he seems to be keeping you at arms length, and I wouldnt be suprised if he calls you when he is up for it.

Not that that is going to make you feel any better about things.

I guess in this situation, he is making his true colours shown and if this is not acceptable to you then just cut him off now,or talk to him about it and show that your worth more than this disrespect. It sounds like your doing really well for yourself and would be a great companion for someone, but, someone worthy of yourself and your 2.5 yr old.

Sometimes guys act like this and just dont have the courage to either be honest or end things with some decency, and then your just left scratching your head, thinking its something you've done wrong. But dont let it stop you from where your heading....its his loss at the end of the day.
__________________
Note to self...grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference...
sweetpea73 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th December 2010, 6:14 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 345
Thanks Sweatpea! Yes, as each day passes and there's no contact from him it makes me stronger.....hopefully to be able to NOT answer the phone when he calls, because I do feel he will. But allowing him back in will just show him how I expect to be treated.....and this ISNT how I expect to be treated. It's been good for me, I think. Every experience is a learning one.

For some reason, this guy really had me. But, I know there are sooooo many more, even better guys out there......I AM going to take a break from dating for a while though, just to digest this, and to see where I made my mistakes and work on them.

Still in shock about his behavior, but it's getting easier.
colliejoanie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th December 2010, 9:07 PM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 146
well if he's telling you that you two are just friends he doesn't seem to be interested in pursuing a serious relationship with you.

If you're saying --you're not in love and so on then what's the big deal?
Just relax a bit and accept the relationship for what it is...unless you actually want more why are you stressing out?
DuskCrush is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th December 2010, 10:46 PM   #15
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Upstate
Posts: 327
Happy Birthday, Merry XMAS! You're attractive enough for him to keep sleeping with you, so you're attractive enough to count on other, more decent fellows to come calling on you.

You don't need this guy, better fish in the see.
sam light is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Today is my parent 35th wedding anniversary! laRubiaBonita General Relationship Discussion 18 27th November 2006 9:23 PM
Call ex on his birthday? pseudofemme Dating 4 3rd October 2006 10:24 PM
Birthday/Christmas gifts for guys? Lauren83 Friendship 4 11th December 2004 10:40 AM
Birthday/Christmas gifts for guys? Lauren83 Friends and Lovers 2 2nd December 2003 1:35 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:49 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.