Men, do you give up too easily?

[irc333]

I've had a couple of friends that had female friends claim they didn't try hard enough or perhaps told them, "you give up to easily" when pursuing a certain woman.

 

I think I mentioned in another post about how some women got upset with a guy because he didn't pusue further than one phone call with them.

 

Or when talking with their friends they say, "Really, that's it, you left one message?! Dude, you give up too easily".

 

That being said, I've often wondered if I gave up too easily in some instances, perhaps I was one phone call or email away from getting a woman to go out with me? I don't know. But after comments made by friends or what my friends told me when they made those comments to him, it made me wonder if, I don't know, should I have left that extra message or email?

[xRJ85x]

I've had a couple of friends that had female friends claim they didn't try hard enough or perhaps told them, "you give up to easily" when pursuing a certain woman.

 

I think I mentioned in another post about how some women got upset with a guy because he didn't pusue further than one phone call with them.

 

Or when talking with their friends they say, "Really, that's it, you left one message?! Dude, you give up too easily".

 

That being said, I've often wondered if I gave up too easily in some instances, perhaps I was one phone call or email away from getting a woman to go out with me? I don't know. But after comments made by friends or what my friends told me when they made those comments to him, it made me wonder if, I don't know, should I have left that extra message or email?

 

Small note, we shouldn't have to leave more than one message!!!

 

That said, I'd love to hear from all the women on this, as I'm prepping to deal with this very possible situation that I've had to deal with before. How long do we wait after we leave a message to try you a second and final time? And what exactly do we say? "Ummm, not sure if you got my message, but blah blah blah."

[irc333]

Yeah, some guys I know have a 3 strike rule.

 

I had situations where I tried only one time.....never received a call back...then at a function we met before, or we'd bump into each other again (maybe at college or church or wherever), and she'd say, "Oh, hey!! Sorry I didn't return your call, I just didn't get chance" sometimes apologizing every so MUCH!

 

Thus her jump starting the pursuit process over again. LOL

 

Figuring that she was apologetic about not returning your call, you figure this gives you permission to call her again and ask her out (leaving a message) only to have it happen again.

 

 

 

 

I've had women return my email like a week later, saying they either didn't see my message, and didn't see it until just now, or just didn't have time to get back with me in a timely fashion.

 

I had one woman, that would return calls after the weekend (the weekend I'd want to get together), and they'd call back on Monday, which is kind of pointless.

 

So it leaves me in limbo wondering if I should pursuer further without seeming desperate.

 

(I think this is one of the reasons why men have it harder than women in dating, this whole trying to "gauge" thing, lol)

 

 

 

Small note, we shouldn't have to leave more than one message!!!

 

That said, I'd love to hear from all the women on this, as I'm prepping to deal with this vet possible situation that I've had to deal with before. How long do we wait after we leave a message to try you a second and final time? And what exactly do we say? "Ummm, not sure if you got my message, but blah blah blah."

Edited December 16, 2010 by irc333

[alexlakeman]

It's not giving up easily; it's putting some self worth in what you bring to the table.. women need to stop thinking that each one of them is the last Coke on a deserted island; they're not..

 

Case in point... and this happens regularly.. last week I posted, as I have b4, "what do I do, I got 3-4 contacts at once on match; can't afford to go out with all of them on first date"... I ALWAYS text first, if they respond we talk, if not, I do NOT text nor call back...they got the text message, they just decided not to respond, too busy, cold feet, or whatever... fk it..

 

I Rarely follow up on an unreturned call / text, rarely... in the last 6-8 have only done follow ups 2-3 times..

 

• The woman in Sales, we talked once, but haven't really been able to catch up with each other; she seems to be on the same page socially and financially as me.
  
• Another cute girl who likes to hang out at similar places as I do..texted her back yesterday and she responded, so yeah, I'll give her a call back. Would the others have responded if I would've texted twice or called ? Who knows, guess it's there loss.
  
• And the one that's a cop..I sent a follow up text, since she could have a crazy schedule of work with the holidays,and never slept with a cop before, so should be interesting, lol....
  

 

In summary, don't pursue too much; their loss..and none of them is the last woman on earth...

 

gd luck

[waynebrady]

If the man "give up to easily", it's the woman's own fault for playing games and expecting him to do all the work, some men just get tired of it. Unfortunatley all women think that men should chase and chase and chase and put in all the effort and take all the iniatives and jump though hoops to get her... Men want to feel wanted to, most men want to feel that the woman likes him too, offcourse this is compleltey irrelevant to women. To women it's all about them.

 

This thread proves yet again, that in reality women have no real intrest in being with a man. They have a take it or leave it attitude, "either treat me like a queen and chase me for a freakin eternity or leave" basicly. I don't see why women would act this way if they where intrested in men at all.

[irc333]

If the man "give up to easily", it's the woman's own fault for playing games and expecting him to do all the work, some men just get tired of it. Unfortunatley all women think that men should chase and chase and chase and put in all the effort and take all the iniatives and jump though hoops to get her...

 

Thing is, it eventaully works, and then I've even heard of some MARRIAGES that came from these relationships that started off.

 

When you hear a married couple talk, she'll kinda talk about how her husband asked her out umpteen times, before she finally said yes.

 

And since it resulted in a marraige, perhaps pursuing in such a manner is the norm??

[waynebrady]

Thing is, it eventaully works, and then I've even heard of some MARRIAGES that came from these relationships that started off.

 

When you hear a married couple talk, she'll kinda talk about how her husband asked her out umpteen times, before she finally said yes.

 

And since it resulted in a marraige, perhaps pursuing in such a manner is the norm??

 

True, but here's how I see it. If I had to do all the pursuing and do all the work I would always have doubt's on how much she liked me, if it turned into a marriage I would always think that I love her alot more than she loves me.... Alot of men probably don't care whetever how much the woman likes him, but I and I believe there are alot of other men who would atleast like to have a feeling that the woman likes me as much as I like her.

[Woggle]

I don't give up too easily. If a woman plays these games it shows that she is not worth having as a partner. I don't have time for stupid drama and the price a man pays for the honor of being in their presence is just not worth it. I agree with the three strike rule as well.

[xRJ85x]

Yeah, some guys I know have a 3 strike rule.

 

I had situations where I tried only one time.....never received a call back...then at a function we met before, or we'd bump into each other again (maybe at college or church or wherever), and she'd say, "Oh, hey!! Sorry I didn't return your call, I just didn't get chance" sometimes apologizing every so MUCH!

 

Thus her jump starting the pursuit process over again. LOL

 

Figuring that she was apologetic about not returning your call, you figure this gives you permission to call her again and ask her out (leaving a message) only to have it happen again.

 

 

 

 

I've had women return my email like a week later, saying they either didn't see my message, and didn't see it until just now, or just didn't have time to get back with me in a timely fashion.

 

I had one woman, that would return calls after the weekend (the weekend I'd want to get together), and they'd call back on Monday, which is kind of pointless.

 

So it leaves me in limbo wondering if I should pursuer further without seeming desperate.

 

(I think this is one of the reasons why men have it harder than women in dating, this whole trying to "gauge" thing, lol)

 

I completely get where you're coming from. And what makes it worse is if you already had a date with a girl and really like her. The one girl I'm talking about now, we met on Match. We exchanged a few emails almost everyday. I called her a few days after I got her number, and left a message. A week and a half past, and I get a text one night saying "I'm so sorry, I've been so busy with work! If you're still interested in getting together, I'd love to." I really wanted to meet her, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt and we text each other a few times. I called her and got her on the phone to plan something. She ends up rescheduling the first date, being super apologetic again. We finally met up this past Friday-Saturday (I ended up staying at her place making out with her the whole night), and had an amazing time. I texted her Sunday, we let each other know we had a lot of fun. Called her Tuesday, and got the dreaded voicemail again.

 

It's a problem of a girl's honesty in these situations. Is she being sincere, for example in your situations, did the girls just not see the messages? Or in both our cases, are they honestly just too busy to call us back? I can tell by you posting this thread you're a pretty laid back, trustworthy guy just like me. You're willing to give these women the benefit of the doubt. So the way I personally look at it now is that there's nothing wrong with a follow up call because you have nothing to lose. Either she A) is being sincere and you get that shot you would not have gotten if you didn't take the risk or B) She isn't being sincere and you aren't any worse off than if you didn't follow up. But my question to these women is at what point do we TRY to follow up? The last girl I did this with I texted "Hey, dunno if you got my voicemail or not, but I thought I'd just see if you still wanted to go out again. If so, lemme know. If not, its cool."

[xRJ85x]

True, but here's how I see it. If I had to do all the pursuing and do all the work I would always have doubt's on how much she liked me, if it turned into a marriage I would always think that I love her alot more than she loves me.... Alot of men probably don't care whetever how much the woman likes him, but I and I believe there are alot of other men who would atleast like to have a feeling that the woman likes me as much as I like her.

 

I agree with this too, though the whole problem with it is what is the girl doing it for? Is she just not as trustworthy because she's been used in the past, so it takes a man to really prove to her wants something more? If someone told you your life would change for the better, but you had to jump through hoops to do it, you'd probably jump through the hoops. Just getting ahead in your career, you have to kick ass to do it. I know it's a different situation but no one is easily trusting these days. If things don't work out with this girl I'm talking about, I'm totally kicking women to the curb and treating them like I've been treated. Call me naive, but can you blame me?

[collegeguy_24]

A lot of guys don't chase women because they don't want t be labeled a stalker. These days women have it far easier then men in the court system, so eve talking to the same women twice or three times can get you into serious trouble, and for me, frankly, its not worth it. A lot of other men feel the same, they don't chase because they don't want to be labeled a creep, stalker, or potential rapist.

[alexlakeman]

No woman "just doesn't see the message". I bet if their kid or best friend they "see the message".

 

About the "no calls or plans on the weekend, then call on Monday"; that's legit,as I do it regurlarly myself. No one is going to potentially waste a Friday or Saturday night on a "first date".

[irc333]

A lot of other men feel the same, they don't chase because they don't want to be labeled a creep, stalker, or potential rapist.

 

Agreed. It's a shame it has come to this.

 

It's a shame that women have fallen to that new low these days, labeling men as such. Dating has become a liability for men.

[irc333]

I think there's a lot of women out there that have a lot of single men at their disposal, kind of like a busy business man.

 

Some guys FINALLY get a date with ONE woman, and they're kind of focused on that woman, of course they're making attempts at other women with no real success, but THIS one at least is " somewhat " resonsive.

 

But, she probably has to "pencil" you in somewhere, and some guys are fine with that because they "understand"?

 

No one is going to potentially waste a Friday or Saturday night on a "first date".

 

Interesting, I much prefer those days....so how would it be a waste?

[sigurpol]

Meh.

 

I used to give the benefit of the doubt and/or understand any excuses they had. But then I grew up.

[somedude81]

I think there's a lot of women out there that have a lot of single men at their disposal, kind of like a busy business man.

 

Some guys FINALLY get a date with ONE woman, and they're kind of focused on that woman, of course they're making attempts at other women with no real success, but THIS one at least is " somewhat " resonsive.

 

But, she probably has to "pencil" you in somewhere, and some guys are fine with that because they "understand"?

I know exactly what you are saying, and it happens to me all the time.

 

It's very rare that I ever get a bite, but when I finally do, I put all my effort in trying to reel 'er in. At the same time, I'm way down on her priorities list. I've had girls make me wait weeks for another date. Of course I put up with it, beggars can't be choosers. Yes I'm trying to go after other women but it's a very rare thing getting any attention.

 

One thing I really need from women is a solid negative response or else I don't really know when to stop trying. It's annoying becuase women don't want to say no.

 

There's a girl at my school that I've hung out with several times. I see her every day in class. Now that the semester is over, the only time I'll see her is if we actually make plans to hang out. She knows I like her. Even though I know she's not interested in me, it's hard to give up because she still gives me attention, a little part of me still has hope.

 

Yesterday we had this text conversation after our final

 

Me: Any chance you want to hang out this weekend?

Her: Don't know

 

(I was hoping for a yes or no answer. Something solid.)

 

Me: LOL, if you don't want to, just say no, I can take it.

Her: No, I mean I don't know. If I have free time I'll give you a text.

Me: LOL, I guess that's the best I can expect

 

And that was it. It's the stringing me along that drives me crazy. I wish she would just say sorry, "I'm not interested." Be hot or cold, anything but lukewarm.

[samspade]

When a woman wants to spend time with you, you as a man will know. I hate the notion of "giving up too easily." That's just a way for women to place blame on men, especially when they weren't getting the free food and drink carousel they might have been expecting without a ghost of intention of putting out.

 

When a woman is sending "mixed" signals or no signals, the man should interpret it only as lack of interest. If she were interested, she'd go out of her way to be available. Otherwise, it's better for a man to move on to other prospects (which he should have). Though it may sound like throwing the baby out with the bathwater, it will save a man a lot of wasted time, energy, and (often) emotion wondering WTF is going on in some disinterested woman's head.

 

Of course the best way to prevent this mentality is to have options. Approach more women, get more numbers, make more dates....then see if you ever care about a woman who doesn't call you back.

[refurb]

Yesterday we had this text conversation after our final

 

Me: Any chance you want to hang out this weekend?

Her: Don't know

 

(I was hoping for a yes or no answer. Something solid.)

 

Me: LOL, if you don't want to, just say no, I can take it.

Her: No, I mean I don't know. If I have free time I'll give you a text.

Me: LOL, I guess that's the best I can expect

 

Not to jump on you, but that was terrible.

 

First off, the first text was bad. Not confident at all. A better text would have been "Going to do X on Saturday, interested?". If you got the "don't know", you shouldn't have replied, or just replied "K".

 

Your follow up texts just scream desperate. Even if you don't have other chicks to work on, act like your life doesn't revolve around her answer.

 

RF

[irc333]

Me: LOL, if you don't want to, just say no, I can take it.

Her: No, I mean I don't know. If I have free time I'll give you a text.

 

To me, when I hear a woman say this (esp. if she's spending time with you like you said), it's pretty rude, actually insulting, and I'm suprised that they (or she) can be so complacent about that comment.

 

If I would imagine, if they were talking me, their tone and inflection would be like, "Meh, if I have time for you, or care enough, we'll hang, but I think I have better things to do"

 

She might even imply that watching a Lifetime movie by herself is more important than you watching that movie together.

[irc333]

I remember ONE time, I actually met a woman online that I really CLICKED with out of my years of online dating, the chemistry was great online, on the phone and CONTINUED to even in person.

 

Usually I expect a woman to kind of "clam up" or behave differently due to shyness and anxiety when finally meeting in person, that did not happen.

 

She was smiling and flirting with me all night. We kinda had inside jokes going back and forth regarding certain things, apparently she even stopped on the side of a road to take a picture of the "subject of the inside joke", and sent it to me in an email.

 

I was impressed, she made a U-turn to do this , got home and sent it as an attachment.

 

Due to that thoughtful gesture, I took it up a notch, she worked as a Census worker, and she would always travel to remote areas to take Census surveys (U.S. Census) and sometimes would get lost.

 

I made a "cut-out" of the said object, and when I met her in person, around about near the end of the date, I gave it to her as a "talisman" for when she gets lost, that it may guide her...lol...it was kind of a joke thing, but it was great, that's how I treat my women....I take a conversation, and somehow formulate it into a romantic gesture.

 

We walked out to the car and she was leaning into me, flirting and joking around (made physical contact). The romance was working , even though it was a first date, but it felt like I've already known her.

 

She took the "Talisman" and hung it on her rear view mirror. We had a great kiss good night.

 

I was thinking about that date when I drove home...just before I wallked in my door, she calls me to see if I made it home alright (NEVER I HAD A WOMAN DO THAT, so I indeed thought it was a GOOD sign).

 

We talked a bit, then talked bout doing it again.

 

We kept in touch by email and by phone and when I asked her out again, she didn't respond.

 

So I sent her another email.....no response

 

I called her, and she answered, and she was like "Oh hi!", but wasn't as warm as she was, but I think she humored me to stay on the phone to converse. I finally asked her out over the phone (in leiu of the email)

 

And she said, "Well, I have a friend that has her father in the hospital, and she wants me to spend some time with her on a Sat night, she's going through a tough time."

 

And I go, "Oh okay, how bout Sunday, "Well, Sunday I'll be mowing the lawn and working out"

 

And I thought "Okay, you won't be doing that ALL day? right?"

 

She basically told me what she would be doing, but I KNEW that doesn't take THAT long to finish that kind of task.

 

And I said, "So, um....when can you get together?" and she goes, "I'll let you know."

 

I kind of felt dum founded, she went from hot to cold over night. Wierd.

 

I even felt a cold shiver down my back.

 

A week goes by, and I email her again, just to see what she was up to, she gave me a "courtesy" response, keeping me up to date in life, said she's been to busy to date, with her kids back in school and trying to find work, she's been fit to be tied (Noticed she's unemployed, so she has plenty of time, I often wondered about , when women....you know...talk and say words, if they realize what they're saying? Meaning, do they say stuff and expect us to BUY it (esp. as a guy)?

 

I just wasn't buying her excuses, and some where blantanly obvious and even insulting my intelligence.

 

It was a shame though, it was best date I had, but she missed out on the greatest thing that COULD have happened between us. Apparently, I guess the novelty wore off.

 

She was very new to online dating divorced 2 years ago, but just started getting back into the dating scene, so maybe that had something to do with it....I dunno.

[refurb]

To me, when I hear a woman say this (esp. if she's spending time with you like you said), it's pretty rude, actually insulting, and I'm suprised that they (or she) can be so complacent about that comment.

 

If I would imagine, if they were talking me, their tone and inflection would be like, "Meh, if I have time for you, or care enough, we'll hang, but I think I have better things to do"

 

She might even imply that watching a Lifetime movie by herself is more important than you watching that movie together.

 

Your analysis is correct. It is rude (if she were interested).

 

The easiest way to deal with this is to match the amount of effort she puts into it. If you ask her out and she ho-hums, stop asking her out! If she's interested, she'll get back to you. Put it out of your mind.

 

RF

[the_dynamo]

It has always been irrational to me that girls are not direct. In my own case right now, if the girl directly told me she was not interested, it would have made stuff a lot easier and i wouldn't text her again. for one I would respect the girl far more for being honest and preventing me from wasting time with a person that was not interested.

 

girls have this warped thought that men will be hurt if they tell them outright that they are not interested. they couldn't be wronger! we are not grade schoolers who can't take rejection, we are grown men who understand that some times people don't have mutual attraction and we are fine with that.

 

 

dude dating would have been so much easier if everyone was direct.

[AD1980]

Women seem to think men are sex starved sociopaths who have no feelings who they can play games with

 

If youre not gonna approach and are gonna make Men do all the work in the begining then at least help out somewhat and show interest

 

Its bad enough Men have to do all the approachign and face rejection its bad enough that some women evne if they like you will play games or these spoiled entitled princesses make you "earn" them

 

If a women shows little interest in me in the beignign i take it as she doesnt lie kme and move on with my dignity

[tincanman99]

That means txt/phone/email. No more than 2 and I am gone because at that point I figure she is messing with me.

 

If I get any kind of wishy washy answer or something along the lines "I am really busy right now", any crap about your job or whatever thing she thinks up at that moment I stop immediately.

 

Because what is the point?

 

If a woman is interested in you she will make herself available to you no matter how busy she is. If not than you know the answer - she is not interested, doesnt know how to tell you, etc....

[refurb]

dude dating would have been so much easier if everyone was direct.

 

Then be direct!

 

I've had more than few girls tell me how much they appreciate my straight-forwardness. I went on a 2nd date with a girl, but I got the distinct impression she wasn't interested in another date, so I told her. I didn't whine about it, I said "I get the impression you're not interested in continuing this, which is fine, thanks for great conversation!". She replied back explaining her stuff going on in her life and apologizing for giving me that impression. Problem solved.

 

Start being the kind of person you want to be and you'll quickly attract similar people and filter out those who can't hack it.

 

RF