Follow up to someone recognizing you from a dating site

[irc333]

THis is rather a follow-up to that other thread about people bumping into you online in real life.

 

I was wondering though, I too, am starting to see these people more and more and discovering there is a FINITE amount of single people geographically where I live.

 

A woman in the past whom I had emailed in the past , I sent her a e mail like I always would on a dating site to get to know her, and she sent me a "I'm sorry but I don't think we'd make a good match" but suprisingly, she did find my response to her amusing critieria list rather funny.

 

In MOST cases, though, my messages just get ignored.

 

Anyhow, I saw her out last night with a bunch of friends bowling...I knew who she was dead on.

 

What's really weird is approaching them and introducing yourself as if you've never met them before in your life, LOL

 

It was an actual singles group through a church group where people get together to have fun and socialize.

 

 

Anyhow, my point is that.....well, should I even introduce myself? Should I even bother talking with them in a real life senario if I come about them in real life?

 

Some might say, "Well, if she wasn't interested in you online, what makes you think she will be interested in person?"

 

Personally, but this is more of a question, would this be starting with a clean slate, because online is a completely different environment than in person, here is a woman online that rejected you, (or non-responsive), and now you have her in person, where she can actually get to know the REAL you. And perhaps, if you approach her anyhow, that perhaps her just talking to you might reveal things to her that might make her think, "Hm, he actually seems okay" and would pique her interest, because online takes away the body language, mannerisms, and just good old fashioned face-to-face conversation that you get out of it as opposed to the impersonal online dating crap that she and you had to deal with while being on there.

 

Or, should I just glance over at her, recognize her, go, "Oh that'st he woman that turned me down online" and then go back to mingling with other people (women) who don't even have a dating profile?

 

Don't even bother introducing yourself?

 

Or is it like starting over with a clean slate?

[Tim The Enchanter]

What have you got to lose? Women can't help being overly picky on dating sites, because they get inundated with emails. Look at this as one last shot.

[carhill]

If you find the person attractive in real life, approach it as any other introduction opportunity. Prior online contact is prior online contact. Don't mention it. She always has the right and opportunity to see you with fresh eyes, as well as confirm her prior instinct that you and she 'aren't a good match', as premature as that might seem. Many potentials, none of which can happen if you sit on your hands.

 

The key is strong interest on your part. If, in person, you are not strongly attracted, fugetaboutit. Don't waste *your* time and energy. Scan the room and seek out others.

 

Again, don't mention dating site stuff, to anyone. IOW, even talking to others, don't motion to her and 'yeah, I met her online' or similar. Low key.

 

Good luck

[irc333]

Yeah, I introduced myself, asked her if she was new to the group....she said that she was, we didn't talk for a while, because the event required turn taking at a game we were playing.

 

2 other guys moved in on her, too. LOL

 

But I'm sure I'll be seeing her at other events. The reason I recognize her so much, is because she liked my initial email to her....even laughed.

 

 

I think I'll be seeing her again because I am aware she will be attending yet another event I plan on attending.

 

 

My fear is though, If I attempt to ask her out "in the real world", she might say, "Um....we DID meet before, and you know what I told you, right?"

 

Should I play dumb, or be honest? lol

 

If you find the person attractive in real life, approach it as any other introduction opportunity. Prior online contact is prior online contact. Don't mention it. She always has the right and opportunity to see you with fresh eyes, as well as confirm her prior instinct that you and she 'aren't a good match', as premature as that might seem. Many potentials, none of which can happen if you sit on your hands.

 

The key is strong interest on your part. If, in person, you are not strongly attracted, fugetaboutit. Don't waste *your* time and energy. Scan the room and seek out others.

 

Again, don't mention dating site stuff, to anyone. IOW, even talking to others, don't motion to her and 'yeah, I met her online' or similar. Low key.

 

Good luck

[carhill]

What do you think the difference between the 'two other guys' and yourself is?

 

Do *you* think you and she are a 'good match'? Why?

[daphne]

My fear is though, If I attempt to ask her out "in the real world", she might say, "Um....we DID meet before, and you know what I told you, right?"

 

Should I play dumb, or be honest? lol

 

Limited honesty. Don't offer it up in conversation, she may not remember or care. Clean slate.

 

And if she were to say something snarky, you don't react, politely withdraw and keep your dignity. She may or may not realize in your silence that you have lost respect for her. I'm beginning to think that all of the women online are just rude to men.

[irc333]

What do you think the difference between the 'two other guys' and yourself is?

 

Do *you* think you and she are a 'good match'? Why?

 

I have no idea bout the 2 guys, I never talked to them actually. Unless you were asking a rhetorical question.

 

Well, from the limited amount of information I know.

 

1. She's single

2. Never married

3. My age

4. No children

 

So there's all 4 so far in a nutshell, real easy (of course 1 & 2 are probably one in the same)

 

And shes' into outdoor activities (hiking,camping,etc) like I am. That's all I know of her so far.

And from what I read in her profile, it's been a while since i've seen it, we shared the same kind of value, and of course belief system.

 

Yeah, it's wierd, I sometimes read closely these ladies profiles, and from reading what they say, and they are few and far between....if I see they share similar things like I do....I do send off an email to them....and it's ironic I see them as a great match, however, I find it weird they don't think the same thing. LOL

 

Similar Hobbies, Value Systems, Belief systems, and even same dating behaviors.....but yet, they don't think we'd make a good match. At least from online.

 

But , you see, online women tend to dismiss men without thinking since they're combing through countless emails.

[carhill]

But , you see, online women tend to dismiss men without thinking since they're combing through countless emails.

 

Yes, this happens.

 

I have no idea bout the 2 guys, I never talked to them actually. Unless you were asking a rhetorical question.

 

Did she spend any substantial amount of time at the event with either of those two guys who 'moved in on her'? No, it wasn't a rhetorical question. It's an honest one. One way to learn how to approach women is by watching men who are successful at it. You can see this experience with different eyes. Learn from it. She's not engaged; she's not married. There is no indignity nor disrespect in asserting your attraction, if it exists. If she gives you a clear 'no', in person, respect that, disengage, and move on. Minimize *your* investment. Huge life lesson. She needs to earn the time and thought you've given this subject. I'm not seeing that yet.

[irc333]

Yes, this happens.

 

 

 

Did she spend any substantial amount of time at the event with either of those two guys who 'moved in on her'? No, it wasn't a rhetorical question. It's an honest one. One way to learn how to approach women is by watching men who are successful at it. You can see this experience with different eyes. Learn from it. She's not engaged; she's not married. There is no indignity nor disrespect in asserting your attraction, if it exists. If she gives you a clear 'no', in person, respect that, disengage, and move on. Minimize *your* investment. Huge life lesson. She needs to earn the time and thought you've given this subject. I'm not seeing that yet.

 

Oh, those two men were alternating and mingling with others as well, they weren't entirely monopolizing her company, her body languaged seem to be that of a cordial one. IT was a body language of, "I'm just being nice and friendly"

 

Since she was new, she was just probably feeling things out. But, percentage wise, they seemed to keep going back to her, esp. a particular one to sit with her to chat more after he got done talking to other people.

 

But her body language, again was more as if she was standing posture-wise up right, legs crossed, and giving acknowledging nods to the person talking with her. She wasn't touching him at all. But it appeared as if at least one of the men took a liking to her, but a new woman in new places might just be "feeling things out".

 

 

In general, she seemed completely neutral.

[BobSacamento]

If there was a group of women there with her and it was a singles group, personally I would not approach the one woman that has rejected me. My only guess is that she was in a flock of uggos or something.

[carhill]

OP, I tend to agree with Bob's assessment, but am hopefully opening up new avenues of understanding for you.

 

A suggestion: Spend less time observing and more time acting on your impulses and desires in a healthy way. This is part of caring less. Amongst those potentials who are 'good matches' IYO, only a very tiny minority will find you attractive. It's part of life.