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Are you being blown off? What do you do?


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Old 16th November 2010, 1:28 AM   #1
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Are you being blown off? What do you do?

When you sense that you're being blown off (which in hindsight may or may not be accurate*), how do you normally respond?

Do you just... do nothing, even if that means letting it die?

Do you... ask/inquire if that's what's happening?

Do you... chase?

How does this normally work out for you? Does it matter how much you like the person, or how long you've been dating?


*Examples of sensing that you're being blown off might include the other person cancelling/asking to reschedule (but not setting an alternative date), dwindling/sudden change in contact level, plentiful reasons for not being able to get together, etc. (you get the idea).
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Old 16th November 2010, 10:14 AM   #2
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Given my experiences, when I sense that I'm being blown off, I withdraw. I went to great extremes to make sure that women I barely knew (under 6 months) did not get more of my investment than they deserved. By withdrawing, I would usually give them at least two strikes that they would have to remove by showing the proper effort and initiation.

Unfortunately though, Star, when I did start getting the sense of being blown off, it always ended soon after. My withdrawl coupled with their impending apathy was always a great recipe for nothingness.

That help?
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Old 16th November 2010, 10:25 AM   #3
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It really depends on the blow off situation, and it's usually that men are dealing with this more so than women...because are doing the pursuing most times anyway.

I have some friends that use the 3-strikes rule...typically this is a woman that will GIVE you their phone #, with no real intent of wanting to actually go out with you.

Basically they call the woman 3 times (probably once a week) and if they

1. Answer the phone, chat with you for a bit, and come up with an excuse...or in my case I have gotten, "I don't know what I have going on this weekend, I'll let you know when it gets closer to the weekend"

2 They don't answer and you leave a message

If they do this 3 times, with no success...move on

I usually do it twice.

But it does get irritating when a woman says "Yes" to a date, but never goes OUT with you on a Date.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Star Gazer View Post
When you sense that you're being blown off (which in hindsight may or may not be accurate*), how do you normally respond?

Do you just... do nothing, even if that means letting it die?

Do you... ask/inquire if that's what's happening?

Do you... chase?

How does this normally work out for you? Does it matter how much you like the person, or how long you've been dating?


*Examples of sensing that you're being blown off might include the other person cancelling/asking to reschedule (but not setting an alternative date), dwindling/sudden change in contact level, plentiful reasons for not being able to get together, etc. (you get the idea).
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Old 16th November 2010, 10:34 AM   #4
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It depends on the situation, I've been on 3 dates with a chick and she was canceling ones in between others. I called her on it and she said it was because she was scared of getting attached to me (she had recently gone through a bad break-up after a 6 year relationship). So we worked around it..
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Old 16th November 2010, 10:49 AM   #5
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I'm pretty consistent over the decades, wrt the early dating process....

Next.

Obviously, in a committed LTR or M, things are different, as is the level of investment and commitment.

When looking for a LTR partner, I'm looking for someone who's committed to and positive about the *process* and how they feel about me. If other, there are potentials for them and I certainly don't want to stand in the way of those being found. Next
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Old 16th November 2010, 10:59 AM   #6
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Yup, in the early stages I just faaaaade away ! Who wants a guy who isn't crazy about you, can't wait to see you ???

And I didn't date pansy's. One was a cool ass record producer and the other owned a biker compound. THEY let me know they were interested and they kept up the chase, anything less.....f*ck em !
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Old 16th November 2010, 11:10 AM   #7
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I usually *want* to ask, but end up withdrawing. A lot of my friends ask.
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Old 16th November 2010, 11:30 AM   #8
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Almost always I withdraw contact and wait for them to text/call/email.

I'm trying to think of exceptions where I chased. Here are two that I remember:

1) A guy faded on me when the term ended in college. He didn't dump me, just said it's summer and bye forever. I begged for us to do long distance (4 hours) until school started in the Fall. He said no and that he's done with me. I ended up sobbing hysterically all night instead of studying for my finals. Needless to say, I didn't do well in school that semester.

2) A guy I was dating did a fade and I tried to keep things alive. I remember spending my 22nd birthday at his place while he sulked and barely spoke to me.

I'm done with chasing men who are fading on me. I can't see it ever having a good outcome.
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Old 16th November 2010, 11:31 AM   #9
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Drunk dial 'em and tell 'em to f off.
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Old 16th November 2010, 11:53 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedalways View Post
I usually *want* to ask, but end up withdrawing. A lot of my friends ask.
Do you ever wonder whether you should have said something? Who knows, maybe they weren't blowing you off, maybe they were withdrawing because they sensed you were? Or they legitimately had sh*t going on? In that case, if you fade away too, aren't you letting go of something with real potential? I dunno. These are rhetorical questions, and I tend to change my mind based on the people involved. I guess I just don't favor hard and fast rules about this sort of thing.

Do you know the responses your friends got?
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Old 16th November 2010, 12:01 PM   #11
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I just get quiet and disappear...
This is one of those times that a confrontation isn't the priority to me.. Putting my times and effort to good use of my time is...
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Old 16th November 2010, 12:09 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by melodymatters View Post
Yup, in the early stages I just faaaaade away ! Who wants a guy who isn't crazy about you, can't wait to see you ???

And I didn't date pansy's. One was a cool ass record producer and the other owned a biker compound. THEY let me know they were interested and they kept up the chase, anything less.....f*ck em !
Absolutely! I wouldn't even waste my time on a guy who was making me feel like I was being blown off.
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Old 16th November 2010, 1:01 PM   #13
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I would do nothing. The feeling you are getting blown-off is usually pretty accurate. So doing nothing will allow you to see if you were wrong. If it is in the early stages, then really the right thing to do is nothing/withdraw. Let them make the next move.
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Old 16th November 2010, 1:40 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by melodymatters View Post
Yup, in the early stages I just faaaaade away ! Who wants a guy who isn't crazy about you, can't wait to see you ???
!
Agreed. In the early stages, if a guy started dropping the ball and not returning calls in timely fashion or canceling and then acting vague about rescheduling, I walked away, and without looking back. NOT interested in being somebody's backup plan or booty call.

If the relationship had progressed a bit further and the other partner got squirrely out of nowhere I would ask for an explanation and give them a couple of good-faith chances. If they blew it beyond that point, I said goodbye and wished them luck.
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Old 16th November 2010, 2:46 PM   #15
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I usually give them one chance to resume the status quo before I move on - two if I really like the guy or happen to be bored at the moment...

For example, say we usually get together every week and then one week he says he can't for what ever reason. Fine. His first chance will be whether or not he initiates a rain check date - and doesn't flake out again. If he doesn't, I may just suck it up and ask him out. This is the second chance. If things don't improve after this, I officially become mute and fade out of the picture completely.
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