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dangers of ls


4givrnt4gtr

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So ive been thinking a lot about how to take advice and opinions from people. Sometimes i ask about something im 95% sure of but then when i ask it turns out my perception according to others is dead wrong.

 

So then i thought about my ex. We had a rouh relationship but i loved him very much. In any case again seeking advice i was told to end it. After a struggle i did and caused him a lot of pain. However we tried to work it out and got back together.

We were doing fine and then a frien of his gave him advice. Tod him i was just playing with him and ddnt love him. (Ofcourse not true at all!! But to that person was clear as water) This made him act VERY insecured and in the end broke us up for good.

 

So my point is....Is asking advice worst than just going with ur gut? Hve u ever been led stray by well meaning people? How can u listen and shift between good and bad ideas and advice?

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i can say honestly sometimes advice is horrible especially from anonymous user's of a website.

 

for example, and i dont blame anyone, but when i was first going through a tough time with my ex, i posted here.

 

a poster, who was probably hurt in the past, was like she's ****ing someone else, it's over move on.

 

in my emotional and lonely state i took his advice.

 

i regret doing that and the way i acted.

 

but cest la vie

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So my point is....Is asking advice worst than just going with ur gut? Hve u ever been led stray by well meaning people? How can u listen and shift between good and bad ideas and advice?

 

Sometimes. Every time I had problems in my relationship I've posted it here. If I took all of the advice given we'd have broken up 3x by now. Advice is just ..asking someone for the perspective so that you could take it into consideration. The only two people who know everything about the relationship itself are the two people in it.

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To be fair, I don't believe ANY stranger is justified in telling you whether to stay in a relationship or not, because there is just too much that the stranger cannot know. That is why I typically refrain, except in extremely clear-cut cases (abuse etc) or in very short relationships (2-3 dates) from giving advice of the sort. Unfortunately, not many posters share my viewpoint.

 

What I've been doing, is that I take every piece of concrete advice with a humongous pinch of salt, and look more for interesting perspectives or viewpoints that will help me think and make my own decisions instead. Basically, everything that a therapist wouldn't tell you (ie 'break up with him', 'you're just a selfish ***** who hates all men', etc) I would ignore. Everything that might possibly come from a therapist's mouth (how about thinking of it from this viewpoint instead, what do you think about the pros and cons of this relationship, how can you approach this problem in a healthy manner), I would consider.

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I agree, take it all (including this) with a grain of salt, we are all from different walks of life and have different life experiences that we draw on.

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So my point is....Is asking advice worst than just going with ur gut? Hve u ever been led stray by well meaning people? How can u listen and shift between good and bad ideas and advice?

 

Always go with your gut!!! Advice is for those who do not have a strong gut feeling for a particular situation and is just ambivalent about a dilemma. If you always follow your gut, you can never blame yourself for an an undesirable outcome. Your gut is that little person standing on your shoulder that tells you to do what is right for you. Always listen to it and accept the consequences. It will be the right decision 99% of the time.

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Always go with your gut!!!

 

This is good advice...

My gut had never let me down...

 

I think in the end most people do go with their gut anyhow even if LS advice just reinforces it.

Edited by Art_Critic
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Most people are going to gravitate toward the advice they get that resonates with what they're already thinking or feeling anyway. If your gut is telling you differently, then you should pay attention to that.

 

As far as your former relationship is concerned, it seems that if it was solid enough, your ex bf wouldn't have taken advice like that without some evidence that it was true. Just based on what you're saying now, the relationship seems to have had several weak links because it didn't seem capable of staying intact, regardless of the reasons. When people are truly connected, outside opinions can't pull them apart that easily.

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4, I used to comment on your threads a ways back. I remember you said your ex had psychological problems and had a passive aggressive personality that you couldn't deal with. ( <--- my memories are a little fuzzy so correct me if I am wrong).

 

From my understanding of your problems I only gave the advice I saw fit and beneficial for your health*. Whether you actually went along with it, are your decisions entirely.

 

There are alot of people here who goes straight to the point. There is no need to sugarcoat anything since tough love is the only way to bring the truth across. Of course there are alot of people who tends to be a little wrapped up in a fantastical mindset, so even then, tough love can't bring them to their senses. But that's their life.

 

We're all anonymous users on a forum; whatever happens on the internet usually stays on it. We don't moniter each other's activities when we log off.

 

What I mean to say is, everyone's half right, and most advices are to be taken with a grain of salt. The advices are to serve a guidance and are not to be taken literally to the dotted word unless they're absolutely true to begin with.

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Insanitylater

I would never take advice from anyone here.

 

How can you take advice from people that keep making the same mistakes over and over?

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I would never take advice from anyone here.

 

How can you take advice from people that keep making the same mistakes over and over?

 

Some people actually learn from their mistakes.

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