Dating and family

[tigressA]

I thought to start this thread after a few posts I made in the "About Men" thread because I don't want to TJ any more than I already have.

 

Having your SO tell their friends about you and introduce you to them (as a girlfriend/boyfriend) is important. It's a clear sign of interest. But family is a different story. To me it's on an entirely different level, and indicates a desire to make a serious commitment. It's like you're saying, "I feel like this is someone I want to have my own family with". This is why only one of my boyfriends has ever met my parents, and that was only after we had been together for over 6 months.

 

What do you think, LS? Under what circumstances would you introduce an SO to family members? Or just tell them about your SO, if it would be difficult to have everyone get together?

[Mad Max]

Not until we're exclusive. I don't bring home dates.

[jerbear]

Having your SO tell their friends about you and introduce you to them (as a girlfriend/boyfriend) is important. It's a clear sign of interest. But family is a different story. To me it's on an entirely different level, and indicates a desire to make a serious commitment. It's like you're saying, "I feel like this is someone I want to have my own family with". This is why only one of my boyfriends has ever met my parents, and that was only after we had been together for over 6 months.

Yes, bringing a date home is something series in my book and culture.

 

What do you think, LS? Under what circumstances would you introduce an SO to family members? Or just tell them about your SO, if it would be difficult to have everyone get together?

I think SO meeting family is an important step in the relationship. My cousins are on FB and will know about my SO quicker than my parents.

 

I think one has to make time to bring the SO to meet the family. Telling family about your SO is good but eventually everyone has to meet.

[allina]

 

What do you think, LS? Under what circumstances would you introduce an SO to family members? Or just tell them about your SO, if it would be difficult to have everyone get together?

 

I replied to this briefly in the old thread, but I'll repost here

 

I think it depends on a lot of factors, your relationship with your family, the way you were brought up as well as cultural background.

 

Me, I always chatted with my mom about everything, including my dating life. For me, having my parents meet a bf isn't a big deal.

 

For my husband, introducing a woman to his family is pretty serious. Of course they knew his gfs when he was living at home and in high school, but in his adult life bringing a woman home meant he's very serious about her. Four months in to our relationship he traveled home for Thanksgiving and told his family about me and that it was serious.

[tigressA]

Yes, there are many many factors to be counted. Including distance. The only relationship I had in which my BF met my parents was long-distance, we were together for nearly 2 years. I was also living 5 hours away from my family while attending school, and couldn't just pick a weekend to bring the BF around. I highly doubt I would've introduced him much sooner than I did, though, just because of how I feel about it. I met his parents much sooner than he met mine, but his family lived less than half the distance from me than my own did.

[Raderick]

For me, I really don't have a family I can speak of. For example, a former flame asked to meet my family, I replied semi-sarcastically "family, what family?", She was pretty dumbfounded, so I kinda had to explain what is going, much to my disappointment because I'm borderline embarrassed over it all.

 

With that said, you should really only introduce your new girl/boyfriend after there is a commitment of exclusively.

[jerbear]

I don't know how to classify this, maybe some LSers can clarify. It is somewhat related to the topic.

 

I have an old flame introduce me to her mom as a friend.

 

Awhile back she almost introduced me to mom but said no as she was afraid what her mom would say and ask about me. (i.e. who is he, where did you meet him, how long, first guy you've bought home in years, at night, etc..) I even spent the night at her place when her mom was home. (only no family guy to do so and it was a guest room )

[sica]

I agree that meeting the family is a big deal, major step. For me reserved for commitment only. Especially if some family members are completely insane like mine! The whole "meeting" situation makes me nervous.

[tigressA]

Jerbear, it could be that she may have been embarrassed of you. In most cases when I've heard of someone introducing their SO as only a friend, that was the reason why.

 

Though because of what she said about her mom interrogating her, perhaps she just thought the best way to avoid that would be to introduce you as a friend. As soon as some family members, particularly mothers, hear the word "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" they immediately get into "So when's the wedding?!" mode regardless of how long the relationship has been, and that gets tiring.

[jerbear]

Jerbear, it could be that she may have been embarrassed of you. In most cases when I've heard of someone introducing their SO as only a friend, that was the reason why.

 

Though because of what she said about her mom interrogating her, perhaps she just thought the best way to avoid that would be to introduce you as a friend. As soon as some family members, particularly mothers, hear the word "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" they immediately get into "So when's the wedding?!" mode regardless of how long the relationship has been, and that gets tiring.

 

I did propose to her a few years ago. I'm still in contact with her.

 

I see what you mean about being embarrassed.

[tigressA]

Oh Jer. Her mom did eventually find out you were more than a friend, right?

 

My family can be pretty insane, so that's partly why I refrain from disclosing anything on my dating life. My BF and I are from different cultures; we were born and raised halfway around the world from each other. His mom has been on him about getting married, so naturally he doesn't want to tell his family he's been dating me until he's sure he wants to make that commitment to me.

 

I don't want to tell my family anything yet either since my BF isn't a U.S. citizen, and my dad went through a debacle of a marriage to a Canadian woman who it turned out only used him for a green card. We can both see our parents going somewhat postal at first, and it would be better for both of us if we waited on letting them know anything until we are sure about being more serious.

[jerbear]

Oh Jer. Her mom did eventually find out you were more than a friend, right?

 

My family can be pretty insane, so that's partly why I refrain from disclosing anything on my dating life. My BF and I are from different cultures; we were born and raised halfway around the world from each other. His mom has been on him about getting married, so naturally he doesn't want to tell his family he's been dating me until he's sure he wants to make that commitment to me.

 

I don't want to tell my family anything yet either since my BF isn't a U.S. citizen, and my dad went through a debacle of a marriage to a Canadian woman who it turned out only used him for a green card. We can both see our parents going somewhat postal at first, and it would be better for both of us if we waited on letting them know anything until we are sure about being more serious.

My family is pretty conservative but my mom wants me to be happy. I told her it is ME that has to wake up to my SO and it is my SO that will be the mother of HER (my mom) grandchildren.

 

My family is weird sometimes. My family was non citizens and even now some women think I'm not a US Citizen. WTF I vote and participate in local campaigns so yeah... I'm a citizen!

 

Yes her mom found out we are more than friends. Not many non-family guys get to spend the night when mom is around or have dinner over. We're pretty much friends, lovers, SO, etc... she still wont' date me (again) because of I'm younger than her. Right now we are planning an overnight trip to the beach in Nov for Halloween. yes Nov and staying at her relatives.