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Where to go from here...move forward or not at all?


sew2139

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Hey guys,

 

So...I just moved to a new city. I take my dog to the park quite often, and I met a guy there. Don't know if it matters, but he is 33 and I'm 25. We met probably 2 months ago and started talking...we ended up staying and talking for about 2 hours and he walked me home. Over the course of this time, I saw him 3 or 4 more times and the same outcome - we stayed forever talking, and he walked me home. The conversation was always effortless, and we have a lot in common. He asked for my number - he didn't have his phone on him, so I got his # and called him so he'd have mine. I hung up WAY too soon though and it didn't save. So the next time I saw him, he got it and we made plans to have drinks later that week.

 

I met up with him on a Friday and had a blast. He wouldn't let me pay for my drinks, and he suggested we go pick up my dog (literally right across the street from the neighborhood bar we went to) and bring her back over to play with his. I ended up staying the night, and yes, I did sleep with him. I feel like it might have been too soon according to 'the rules', but we had basically hung out 5ish times already and it just felt right. The next morning he was in no rush to bring me home, but eventually he did drive me back home.

 

He texted me that Sunday night, saying we should get together with the dogs that week. Tuesday, he texted me to get together on Weds. Weds, he texted me as I was leaving work, suggesting a time & asked if it would work for me. THEN, at about 6:15ish (we were meeting up at 6:45), he texted apologizing that his boss needed information from him that night, and he asked for a raincheck. I said "no worries" and we sent a couple of texts back and forth. Fast forward....I didn't hear from him until the a week and a half later, on a Saturday. He texted me asking why my football team was losing, and we joked back and forth. He finally said "We need to hang out soon. Let me know when you and Penny (my dog) want to chill."

 

Ok, so I know this is long but I want everything out on the table. I haven't texted him yet - and I know that he put the ball in my court but I really feel like it's HIS job to make plans with me. Basically, should I text him or wait to hear from him again? It's almost the weekend, so if I text him should I suggest drinks again (more official I guess) or dogs at the park (more laid back, less presumptuous). I do really like this guy, but I'm not sure how he feels about me...at the park before we hung out he made a lot of bold-ish statements (i.e., I would have called you 2 weeks ago if your number had come up!), and he was super nice and flirtatious when we got drinks. But, I don't really feel like being an f-buddy. Any and all advice is appreciated - thanks! :D

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and I know that he put the ball in my court but I really feel like it's HIS job to make plans with me.

 

Yeah offcourse you do. You are a woman, you want the man to do all the work and be the one to initiate every contact and plan every date. And shure... go for that approach to let him put in all the effort and take all the initiatives, but then if it doesn't work out then you only have yourself to blame.

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Well, I am all for being a "modern" woman, so that's why I'm even asking what to do. To be honest, my mom (who is ridiculously old fashioned) planted the idea in my head that he needed to do more work. I don't necessarily agree...but if he was really into me, wouldn't he try and make plans and initiate more? I do see the advantages of texting him...i.e., I do want him to know that I'm into him.

 

Ugh, I feel like I'm 12 - dating is so confusing :(

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Well, I am all for being a "modern" woman, so that's why I'm even asking what to do. To be honest, my mom (who is ridiculously old fashioned) planted the idea in my head that he needed to do more work. I don't necessarily agree...but if he was really into me, wouldn't he try and make plans and initiate more? I do see the advantages of texting him...i.e., I do want him to know that I'm into him.

 

Ugh, I feel like I'm 12 - dating is so confusing :(

 

Well it seems like he has been the one doing all the work so far... And if you was really into him then why don't you make plans and initiate contact from time to time? He has already shown that he is intrested, he has initiated contact almost every time and done all the planning so far it seems.

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That's what I've been thinking - maybe it's my turn to initiate. Which route do you think - suggesting going to the park or getting drinks? I appreciate your help! :D

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make me believe

People are so lazy when it comes to dating nowadays. All of this texting instead of calling, "hanging out" instead of going on proper dates, getting a drink & having sex instead of going to dinner & a movie... blah. I think you should give this guy another chance, but he's definitely being lazy with the texting & not making actual plans. I would suggest going for a drink because it's casual enough but much more "date-y" than going to the park. But then again if you go for a drink he may assume that you're going to have sex again afterwards... =/

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I think you should give this guy another chance, but he's definitely being lazy with the texting & not making actual plans.

 

Huh? How did you get that impression?

 

I've counted at least 5 occurrences of him texting her first and also being assertive in getting her number and suggesting outings.

 

He asked for my number - he didn't have his phone on him, so I got his # and called him so he'd have mine. I hung up WAY too soon though and it didn't save. So the next time I saw him, he got it and we made plans to have drinks later that week.

 

I met up with him on a Friday and had a blast. He wouldn't let me pay for my drinks, and he suggested we go pick up my dog (literally right across the street from the neighborhood bar we went to) and bring her back over to play with his. I ended up staying the night, and yes, I did sleep with him. I feel like it might have been too soon according to 'the rules', but we had basically hung out 5ish times already and it just felt right. The next morning he was in no rush to bring me home, but eventually he did drive me back home.

 

He texted me that Sunday night, saying we should get together with the dogs that week. Tuesday, he texted me to get together on Weds. Weds, he texted me as I was leaving work, suggesting a time & asked if it would work for me. THEN, at about 6:15ish (we were meeting up at 6:45), he texted apologizing that his boss needed information from him that night, and he asked for a raincheck. I said "no worries" and we sent a couple of texts back and forth. Fast forward....I didn't hear from him until the a week and a half later, on a Saturday. He texted me asking why my football team was losing, and we joked back and forth. He finally said "We need to hang out soon. Let me know when you and Penny (my dog) want to chill."

 

Ok, so I know this is long but I want everything out on the table. I haven't texted him yet - and I know that he put the ball in my court but I really feel like it's HIS job to make plans with me. Basically, should I text him or wait to hear from him again?

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Ok, so I know this is long but I want everything out on the table. I haven't texted him yet - and I know that he put the ball in my court but I really feel like it's HIS job to make plans with me. Basically, should I text him or wait to hear from him again? It's almost the weekend, so if I text him should I suggest drinks again (more official I guess) or dogs at the park (more laid back, less presumptuous). I do really like this guy,

 

OP...were I in your shoes, new to a city, found a guy I was both attracted to and liked to be around, hung out a few times, had enjoyable sex, I would just call him back and continue to do all of the above as I continue to learn my new city, make new friends, etc etc.

 

Just keep having fun :)

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Yeah sure MAKEBELIEVE you pay for dinner and a movie and a "proper date" everytime you meet someone your sexually interested in?? screw that its just too expensive.. u know?? maybe 15 years ago..

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People are so lazy when it comes to dating nowadays. All of this texting instead of calling, "hanging out" instead of going on proper dates, getting a drink & having sex instead of going to dinner & a movie... blah. I think you should give this guy another chance, but he's definitely being lazy with the texting & not making actual plans. I would suggest going for a drink because it's casual enough but much more "date-y" than going to the park. But then again if you go for a drink he may assume that you're going to have sex again afterwards... =/

 

Lol, he is lazy? Then what is the OP because it seems she hasn't really done anything, he has initiated all contact and made all the plans so far while she didn't do anything.

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I'm a bit confused...so up to the point that he went ghost or over a week, he was always texting you first?

 

Yes, he always texted me first.

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Darn it - where were you guys yesterday?! haha...I want to text him today to see if he wants to go get a drink this weekend - is it too late notice? I kind of just want to throw it all to the wind & just go for it...

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Darn it - where were you guys yesterday?! haha...I want to text him today to see if he wants to go get a drink this weekend - is it too late notice? I kind of just want to throw it all to the wind & just go for it...

 

OP just go for it! ;)

 

From his perspective, if you've made ZERO initial contact, after 5 times of hanging out & sex, he may think YOU aren't interested. Sounds like your friend was doing his part and at this point, you can start to even up the balance a bit.

 

Good luck!

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SincereOnlineGuy

Forget about all of that - he's obviously hiding something big!!!

 

 

"""his boss needed information from him""" ?????

 

 

 

(and then 10 days totally off the radar even though you'd already slept together recently???)

 

 

don't look back!

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Thanks guys, for all of your input and advice. OnlineGuy - I see where you are coming from and I appreciate your input as well.

 

So...I went ahead and texted him last Friday, asking if he wanted to get together over the weekend. He texted me back to say how about Sunday night? I had fallen asleep by then, so I texted him back on Saturday & we went back and forth a little bit about college football (a very much shared passion).

 

He texted me Sunday morning at 8am (so early!) and suggested we get together after he played golf. I texted back...and he called me when he was done. He asked if I wanted to go to the park or go to the bar and watch football, and I replied that it didn't matter to me. He decided football. He then called me later to ask me to come over instead. I ended up going over there at about 4. We watched some football and drank some beer (I sound like such a dude, don't I?) and he even turned off the football for awhile while we talked (big move, right? haha). Once again, the conversation was effortless and I had a blast. He rubbed my back and even had me lay on him while we watched, and he made the move to hold my hand. And he also made the move and we ended up sleeping together again (how do you say "no" when you genuinely want to and you already have...I think it's way too early to assume that this is heading in the relationship direction and don't want to freak him out). But, I did stop him and said "I have a question...do you really like me or do you just want to sleep with me?" To which he responded, I do really like you...and I want to sleep with you too (points for honesty, huh). I told him the same. I ended up leaving at about 8 and he walked me out...I gave him a hug and told him to call me the next time he wanted to hang out.

 

So...I'm hoping I hear from him soon. I shouldn't make the next move, should I? I kind of put it in his court like he did with me. I just hate waiting, grr! And where is this going? Had this all taken place in a much more condensed amount of time, I'd be less anxious. Which, in response to OnlineGuy...I don't think he's hiding anything. He's never on his phone texting anyone while we're together and I don't see anything at his house that would indicate another woman. But, I did not like those 9 days of waiting to hear from him!

 

As always, appreciate everyone's input! Don't you just love dating ;)

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HOORAY for you for taking a bit of control (in the right situation) and having a wonderful weekend. :bunny::bunny::bunny:

 

I had fallen asleep by then, so I texted him back on Saturday & we went back and forth a little bit about college football (a very much shared passion).

 

He texted me Sunday morning at 8am (so early!) and suggested we get together after he played golf. I texted back...and he called me when he was done. He asked if I wanted to go to the park or go to the bar and watch football, and I replied that it didn't matter to me. He decided football. He then called me later to ask me to come over instead. I ended up going over there at about 4. We watched some football and drank some beer (I sound like such a dude, don't I?) and he even turned off the football for awhile while we talked (big move, right? haha). Once again, the conversation was effortless and I had a blast.

 

I told him the same. I ended up leaving at about 8 and he walked me out...I gave him a hug and told him to call me the next time he wanted to hang out.

 

So...I'm hoping I hear from him soon. I shouldn't make the next move, should I? I kind of put it in his court like he did with me. I just hate waiting, grr! And where is this going? Had this all taken place in a much more condensed amount of time, I'd be less anxious. Which, in response to OnlineGuy...I don't think he's hiding anything. He's never on his phone texting anyone while we're together and I don't see anything at his house that would indicate another woman. But, I did not like those 9 days of waiting to hear from him!

 

Ok a couple of things. First. Stop analyzing!! lol You had a WONDERFUL time with him. On Sunday. Don't read more into it. Don't look for signs of others. don't expect anything.

 

You are in a new city making a life for yourself. At this point, he is a small sliver of your life's pie ;)

 

Don't overthink his texting schedule. Don't look for clues of other women at his place. Don't read into the "appearance" of lack of texts or no women's panties on the couch as anything more.

 

Secondly, you have a hard fact that he can go 9 days (possibly more) without contacting you. Accept that and file it away for future reference.

 

Thirdly, why wait to hear from him? Or anyone else for that matter. 9 days, heck 19 days!, should fly by (because your social life is just going) where if he calls you on day 20, you have so many new memories you were actively enjoying you can't remember the last day you spoke to him.

 

Please don't fall into the trap that many women tend to, overanalyzing, getting anxious, losing independence, becoming focused on the dude in their life and not their life outside the dude.

 

Lastly, have fun!!! Venture out! I don't mean to imply you are being a hermit if in fact you are actively social. :o Being new to a city is just so exciting and I wouldn't want you to lose site of that. Good luck!!

 

 

Don't you just love dating

 

Yea, I actually do ;)

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