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Old 26th September 2010, 11:03 AM   #1
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FWB, FB or hook ups

From your experience, was it worth having a friend with benefits or just having one night stands?

How do these situations come about? I mean, my mind is dating-oriented but sometimes I feel I can do without the attachment and just have sex.
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Old 26th September 2010, 11:48 AM   #2
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I've done this a few times before and from all accounts it will always end badly for one.
I used to hook up with an old ex of mine, she knew I wasn't interested in getting back with her and she was fine with with this at first but she thought she could change my mind eventually. Thankfully we're still friends, but I had to stop the benefits part as I could see what it was doing to her.

Another girl who was always just friends took things a little too far and we crossed a line, after that she'd often swing by for a booty call. In time she wanted more, but I wasn't at that level and had to stop that too because I couldn't give her what she wanted.

Ever since though when this has been put on the table I've had to say no. I eventually realised I'm a relationships guy and not one to use people for just physical benefit...I actually like to wake up next to the person and actually care about them.

The moral is it's fun at first but when it ends it's never pretty and it's really just another breakup at the end of the day.
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Last edited by Lemontang; 26th September 2010 at 11:51 AM..
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Old 26th September 2010, 1:20 PM   #3
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I had ONSs but I'm not big on FWBs for reasons that Lemon described. I like relationships and if I can't find a suitable partner then I keep looking rather than use someone to scratch that itch.
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Old 26th September 2010, 1:44 PM   #4
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I used to be a relationships kind of guy too... Until some stupid bitch cheated on me. Now Im all FWB, FB and ONS's... Maybe someday Ill fall in love again but right now I really really like not feeling any pressure. Like lemon said though, girls seem to have a difficult time sticking to the plan... So there is a good bit of "turnover".

How do these situations come about? Well, when I meet a girl that I am interested in having sex with I am honest about exactly what Im looking for. You cant be FWB or FB with an ex... Only a stranger. It wont work if there are any feelings. Back when I was a relationships guy I had NO IDEA how people became FB's and FWB's... It seemed unreal to me. Where I am at now though I have realized that lots of women are cool with it if you meet them when they are horny... Lots of women ARENT looking for it either though. Just be honest and accept that some will and some wont. And some pretend they are cool with it but arent.
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Old 26th September 2010, 1:45 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by counterman View Post
From your experience, was it worth having a friend with benefits or just having one night stands?

How do these situations come about? I mean, my mind is dating-oriented but sometimes I feel I can do without the attachment and just have sex.
re; FWB. Yeah, it's worth it. But, about half the time for me, it's started to become more. It's hard to be intimate with someone and not start having feelings for them - at least for me. I mean, it is a relationship. I also like to sleep over (or have them sleep over) and cuddle, and talk, and do many things that one does with a partner. Lines get blurred.

When it's worked, I've been explicit about what's going on. "Hey, we're just getting together, having fun, and either one of us can end it at any time... bladda bladda bladda." You're forming an arrangement that's mutually beneficial.

How do they come about? For me, it was always after a ONS and one of us (usually me) wanted to see the other person again because it filled a need - either great sex, or sex w/o attachment, or they were fun to hang out with, or they were available.

I had one FWB for a year. The rest lasted a few months at most.

If you're upfront and honest with each other and are ready for the times it threatens to become more, I recommend it.
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Old 26th September 2010, 2:23 PM   #6
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I had two FWBs. The first one was perfect. We met through a mutual friend, talked all night, things got flirty. We arranged to meet up. We got together, we f*cked, we talked, I left for my own bed once all was said and done. If we ever hung out without having sex it was always with other people around, so there was really very little chance of developing an attachment. Neither of us would have developed an attachment anyway--we were just not the kind of people we would want to date. We happened to be sexually attracted to each other and we acted on that. We're still friends and we talk every so often. It was well worth it for me.

The second one...a lot of drama. Because of that experience I basically refuse to have another FWB. I doubt I could find a situation as ideal as the first one again.
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Old 26th September 2010, 2:27 PM   #7
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This thread just confirms that what most men consider a "FWB" is what most women would consider a "FB". I fail to see where some of the PP were ever "friends" to their FBs. Did you help them move? Lend them money? Go to the pub together? How were you "friends"?
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Old 27th September 2010, 9:01 AM   #8
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That's the thing... everytime I think of it, I can't follow through with it because it feels so unlike me. Maybe it would be better for me to just date.

If I do bring it up with some girl, I do not know how she would take it, so I am pretty cautious about it. I guess I will leave it for now.
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Old 27th September 2010, 5:34 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by Holding-On View Post
This thread just confirms that what most men consider a "FWB" is what most women would consider a "FB". I fail to see where some of the PP were ever "friends" to their FBs. Did you help them move? Lend them money? Go to the pub together? How were you "friends"?
Haha this is so true.
I told my ex FB that I couldn't really introduce him to people with a title . Since I will be lying if I said this is my friend. haha
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Old 27th September 2010, 7:06 PM   #10
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About 10 days ago I had a ONS and I can NOT get him out of my mind! Not usual for me, but we really clicked. My mind drifts to him frequently.

I often think about him and would like to talk/see him again. Kinda sad actually and not sure I'll do another ONS after this.

Not the norm for me. I am pretty good about compartmentalizing things. I was out of the country on business and he was visiting the same country for a wedding. It was a four star hotel. Very nice. Met him in the Lobby.

We clicked and it's killing me even though I am somewhat, not officially, attached to another guy.

I really want to see and talk to him again!!! He is from Australia and I'm from the US.
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Old 27th September 2010, 7:25 PM   #11
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You cant be FWB or FB with an ex... Only a stranger. It wont work if there are any feelings.
Agree. My most recent ex and I are doing some sort of weird thing where we tried to be FWB but the feelings are still there so it's not working. We are actually deciding to try to work on our situation but dating others (well, he's not but I am ... it's complicated). There's no way we are just FWB ... not when you still say "I love you" to each other Anyway, point being there will always be one person that develops feelings and will want it to turn into something more.
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Old 28th September 2010, 10:19 AM   #12
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Here's my view on the FWB relationship:
Yes, it is true that sooner or later somebody will feel more attached. The problem is, it does not happen slowly so that you have time to think and discuss. At the beginning you keep thinking everything is under control, you are attracted and that's it. But as months go by, you start to notice the little things you like and get used to them and start to really like the person. And then... BAMM, it hits you, you are head over heels, and there's no way back.

A few years ago I had a FWB thing with a guy who eventually told me he has feelings for me and wants to move in together etc. He said to me there were a few things that made him realize his feelings, and he was waiting for the right time to tell me. I said to him I do like him and feel attracted to him, plus that we do have a special things in so many ways (and I honestly meant that). BUT, I just could not see each other holding hands publicly, going out as a couple, mainly because we were so different (different type of jobs, lifestyles, different habits etc.), well maybe that's what made us so attracted to each other. I am still good friends with him and he even introduced me to his girlfriend, lol.
The weirdest thing is, somehow I feel if I wanted to get back with him, he would agree to the same sort of relationship right away...

However, I am also in a similar situation right now with someone. It has been going on for about a year now and at the beginning I thought I had everything under control. He never said to me explicitly that all he wants to be is f-buddies, or that he does not want a serious relationship, so it kind of just turned out this way. We sleep over at each other's places a few times a month and it is deifinitely not just sex. I wish I could have something more with him, like a commitment or something. Secretly I hope he feels the same way, and that he is only too shy to talk to me about this. When it hit me, by the way, I was so confused, I even tried dating others... It just made me realize how much I want to be with him.
But anyway, you can't make somebody love you, can you? So now I am trying to find the right moment to tell him about this and that if he does not feel like I do, I think we should end the thing.

The conclusion for me is that FWB only works if you truly know deep inside that you could never be more with a person than f-buddies... BUT, since it is not very nice towards the other, and people should not selfishly think only about themselves, these kind of relationships should be completely avoided.
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