Have I screwed up beyond repair?

[chocolate_boy]

Been dating a girl for a couple of weeks, first two weeks seemed to be going great, but then on our 4th date I got a little carried away and starting prying a bit too much I guess and asking about other guys, I tried to do it in a teasey kinda way but she said I was coming across as "needy", after this I backed off a bit.

 

She's been initiating contact last 3 days, last night we went to a party, and unfortunately I got pretty smashed and was flirting with a few other girls around her, then I tried to make up for being needy by starting up a stupid conversation about how I'd been hurt before and I want to take things slow etc. while she just listened and didn't comment. Unfortunately I can't remember the full details of the conversation, but I'm pretty embarrassed by what I do remember. I remember telling her over and over that I really liked her a lot too. I also asked her about other guys too and told her I had other girls interested in me, yep a dumb dumb mistake.

 

At the party itself we did kiss quite a lot and spend a decent amount of time together.

 

We've been sleeping together, last night though I just fell straight asleep, this morning I asked her if I was a jerk last night, she said no but I didn't quite believe her.

 

I went home, a few hours later I sent her a text saying I am really sorry for the way I acted last night, and that I got too drunk and carried away and I'm man enough to admit it, and hope she has a nice day.

 

No response back a few hours later, but I'm a bit worried I've blown my chances with her now, getting a bit too "deep" and talking about "us" twice in a week, especially when she's not giving me anything back on it. Then acting like an arrogant prick and telling her I have other options probably wasn't too smooth, but my drunken mind thought it might be good to show I'm not too needy.

 

I went in for a goodbye kiss this morning and she hesitated before just giving me a light peck, but she was very hung over too.

 

I guess I should just sit back and wait now and see if she gets in touch? I'll be really sad if I've killed it, because she's a great girl in every way, and we seemed to click so well.

 

I just got the feeling today that either her interest level in me has dropped off the chart, or she's pissed at me.

 

Any advice on what to do? My instincts tell me to just back the hell off now and wait to see if she's keen to get in touch with me, what's done is done, and she knows how much I like her and I am sorry for getting so drunk.

Edited August 21, 2010 by chocolate_boy

[Art_Critic]

If it this girl then I would suggest you cut back on the drinking while you are on dates with this girl.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t242347/

 

10-1 she has you pegged as someone who gets too drunk and says things they shouldn't..

The flirting with other women while being with her was just tacky and most likely a nail in your coffin

 

As far as messing up and fixing it..

You have done everything you can do at this point and did all the right things by the way..

Let it lie and see where it goes from here...

[chocolate_boy]

If it this girl then I would suggest you cut back on the drinking while you are on dates with this girl.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t242347/

 

10-1 she has you pegged as someone who gets too drunk and says things they shouldn't..

The flirting with other women while being with her was just tacky and most likely a nail in your coffin

 

As far as messing up and fixing it..

You have done everything you can do at this point and did all the right things by the way..

Let it lie and see where it goes from here...

 

Yeah it is the same girl, after the other night I cooled off and she showed a lot of interest yesterday, but we have no future plans to hang out now.

 

I totally agree about the flirting with other women thing, it was very tacky and I'm quite ashamed.

 

I do need to cut down on the drinking around her I agree, last night was a party we both attended though, she was also pretty drunk, but I'm sure she remembers the entire conversation, I keep cringing when I think back.

 

I wish I wasn't making these stupid mistakes, it seems I need to stay sober if I get another chance with her, I'm beating myself up badly about it now.

 

I think the reason I drink a lot with her is because I'm a bit nervous, but I go too far, damn I hope she hasn't gone totally off me now, then I thought that the other day and turns out she hasn't. She even pulled me up on "why have you been so distant last couple of days?" last night actually.

Edited August 21, 2010 by chocolate_boy

[chocolate_boy]

She did eventually text back 6 hours later saying thanks for my message and she thinks she was a bit too drunk and acted badly too.

 

Well she came by to see me at work this morning, she was working next door so came over to sit with me for an hour, I acted like nothing was wrong and we just chatted, had a bit of a giggle.

 

I didn't try flirting though or kissing her, she left, then came back to sit with me for 10 mins before I left, also we chatted a bit on Facebook, but quite minimally compared to usual.

 

I hope I did the right thing just not acting romantically at all, I get the impression she was a bit sad when I just said "hope you have a nice day today, don't work too hard" smiled and left at the end, I hope she won't think I've lost interest.

 

I felt a bit awkward actually, probably I'm a bit embarrassed still from the other night.

 

Suppose I wait and see if she contacts me this week?

[Art_Critic]

Since she came out with that she had too much to drink too and she came by to see you at work and spent some good quality time with you I would think the ball is in your court and not hers..

Why not just hit her up when you want to go out again ?

 

Just totally forget about anything bad that has happened for far and go from here anew..

[bobdole]

Suppose I wait and see if she contacts me this week?

 

No, you'll need to contact her.

[chocolate_boy]

Well we've been talking on text/im today again, no flirting going on though, is it a good idea to cool it off until/if I see her again?

[guy.lepage]

Dude, stop "acting" already.

 

Don't "try to get her jealous" and don't get drunk other than with your buddies.

 

And now you are making it worse by "acting" non-romantic.

[chocolate_boy]

Dude, stop "acting" already.

 

Don't "try to get her jealous" and don't get drunk other than with your buddies.

 

And now you are making it worse by "acting" non-romantic.

 

Well I've dropped in a few flirty comments but just getting no response.

[chocolate_boy]

Ah well, I put my nuts on the table so to speak earlier. We were chatting, I have some of her property I asked her when she wanted it back, and asked if she was free one night this week, said I could drop it round and we could go have dinner and few drinks after.

 

Got no reply for 2 mins on msn, so I followed up with "or I could just drop it into your office on saturday and you can get it next time you're in, up to you?"

 

She replied "oh **** sorry I didn't see the first message, err not sure on my availibility this week, what nights can you do?"

 

I suggested thurs/fri, and said I had a little surprise planned, she asked what it was, I said she'll find out if she comes, just being playful.

 

I said "let me know when you've decided", heard nothing back, so signed off after a while

 

Damn she's either playing hard to get/games, pissed off at me still, or she's totally lost interest, but I don't get why she didn't just say "actually yeah I have a busy week, be cool if you could leave it at my office over weekend", and I'd have taken the hint. Women are confusing.

 

It's the not knowing I hate, if she just said yeah sorry don't think it's working out, then I'd take it like a man and be ok.

 

What the hell is she playing at? Guess I'll just vanish til thurs/fri and if she doesn't get in touch I'll know the answer. Only a week ago she was texting me to say she missed me and wanted kisses/cuddles, now this.

 

I tell you one positive though, the mixed signals is actually starting to put me off now, after that I'd be less bothered if it's over. A mature woman would at least have the heart to let a guy down gently, not just leave him hanging?

Edited August 23, 2010 by chocolate_boy

[chocolate_boy]

In all honesty I've really now accepted it's over and I'm moving on.

 

To be honest we only dated a few weeks, and while she was great in the early few dates, and as a friend before, her passive attitude and just not making me feel very good recently has been a strong indication that we're not what each other is looking for.

 

From my point of view, I got out of an extremely abusive relationship almost 2 years ago, and haven't even dated anyone in that time, I've not had sex with anyone either until now, I had a total shut-down of women.

 

This girl was the first one who's re-ignited my spark, I didn't tell her all this obviously, but that probably explains why I became so clingy so fast, to be honest my self-esteem was so low I was surprised such a beautiful young woman could find me attractive.

 

Thing is though, it's like I have my spark back a bit, other girls have also flirted with me more over the last few weeks, and I've joined a dating website last night (never done that before) and already had some really flattering comments and nice messages.

 

I think she probably did me a favour actually, even though she rejected me ultimately, she made me realise I am actually a person a woman could like enough to want to date and sleep with still.

 

Sounds kinda pathetic I guess

 

With regards to her, I'm just going total NC, deleted her phone number today, and not looked at her facebook/twitter all day (first time in weeks), blocked her on msn and not signed into facebook chat. I'm doing this for me to stop my obsessive thoughts though, not to "punish" her, which I think would be unhealthy.

 

It was nobody's fault I realise, we're just different.

Edited August 24, 2010 by chocolate_boy

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Dude, stop "acting" already.

 

Don't "try to get her jealous" and don't get drunk other than with your buddies.

 

And now you are making it worse by "acting" non-romantic.

 

Listen to guy he knows what hes talking about hes a great "actor"

[my body is a cage]

imo, youre totally overanalyzing and jumping to conlcusions here. you drew back before because you thought she wasnt interested... doesnt that count as game playing as well? maybe she drew back because she thought YOU weren't interested... or maybe her responses dont mean anything at all, maybe shes just busy and youre reading into it enough. you flirted with other women, didnt sleep with her, also she asked you why you had been so distant... id say she might be questioning your investment. i think you should slow down a bit, theres no reason to go NC already. ask her directly if shes coming over. as you said youve only been dating a couple of weeks.

[chocolate_boy]

imo, youre totally overanalyzing and jumping to conlcusions here. you drew back before because you thought she wasnt interested... doesnt that count as game playing as well? maybe she drew back because she thought YOU weren't interested... or maybe her responses dont mean anything at all, maybe shes just busy and youre reading into it enough. you flirted with other women, didnt sleep with her, also she asked you why you had been so distant... id say she might be questioning your investment. i think you should slow down a bit, theres no reason to go NC already. ask her directly if shes coming over. as you said youve only been dating a couple of weeks.

 

I made it pretty clear yesterday, asked if she'd like to go out for dinner/drinks on thurs/fri, didn't hear much back, still haven't, apart from her commenting on my facebook statuses today.

 

I said "let me know if you'd like to". Maybe I am over-analysing, but a week ago she was jumping at the chance to go out with me, now she might/might not be busy, cancelled our date on saturday, and ignores any attempt I make at flirting.

 

I'm not pursue her when I'm getting clear signs she's not interested anymore. Her response to me asking her out was "um maybe" not yes/no, if she was still keen she'd have jumped at the chance like she did last week.

 

Well by NC I mean I'm not gonna pursue her anymore, and I'm not going to talk to her online, or check her facebook statuses. I left the ball in her court, if she doesn't respond about us going out before Thurs then that's a clear indication.

 

Yeah we were only dating a few weeks, but we were friends for 3 months before, and things have definitely changed in the last week, she keeps getting in touch, but we used to flirt like crazy all the time, if I even try and do any slight flirting I just get nothing now. Who knows what she's thinking, but I'm sick of analysing everything.

 

If we were compatible it shouldn't be this much hassle anyway I figure. I've never gone through this with any of my other girls in the past, it's always "yeah we like each other, let's date and then end up together/don't".

[chocolate_boy]

imo, youre totally overanalyzing and jumping to conlcusions here. you drew back before because you thought she wasnt interested... doesnt that count as game playing as well? maybe she drew back because she thought YOU weren't interested... or maybe her responses dont mean anything at all, maybe shes just busy and youre reading into it enough. you flirted with other women, didnt sleep with her, also she asked you why you had been so distant... id say she might be questioning your investment. i think you should slow down a bit, theres no reason to go NC already. ask her directly if shes coming over. as you said youve only been dating a couple of weeks.

 

Well I thought I'd try one last time to be sure, saw her on Facebook chat today, just popped up and said "hey how's you?" no reply at all, she was signed in for 5 hours and posting statuses etc. So it was blatantly 100% ignoring me, guess she's gone from red-hot interest, to low-interest to not even wanting to talk to me all in one week, the strange part is the level of interest that's even dropped off since I last saw her.

 

Women confuse me. Anyway won't be contacting her again, unfortunately will prob bump into her around our respective work places from time to time.