That_girl Posted August 18, 2010 Share Posted August 18, 2010 So I have been single since January....and been hurt pretty badly by my ex. I'm not even sure if I'm ready for another commitment.....BUT..... Recently I was introduced to a wonderful man through one of my good friends. We are both pretty much infatuated with each other even though it has only been a couple of weeks. My problem is that I slept with him and we are not technically "official". I couldn't help myself! I haven't done anything like this in a while, but it just felt so wonderful and so natural. I feel like I can trust him not only because my friend can vouch for him. But also because I can just tell that he's a genuine person. I'm very intuitive about that kind of thing.... He told me that he would like to see where things go and that there is no one else. I'm am NOT expecting a full blown commitment yet. He has done the absolute sweetest things for me in the time that we've been 'dating' and he wants to see me and keep in contact with me a lot. However, I just know that although I may not want to be his girlfriend just yet, I'd be really hurt if he slept with/ dated someone else. Is this normal or am I crazy? Was it the sex that's making me nutso? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 18, 2010 Share Posted August 18, 2010 So, *date* him and 'see where it goes'. Make it about getting to know him and he you as opposed to primarily about sex. You can choose that path. If you aren't getting twinges of the past which seem unreasonable, enjoy! Into everyone's life comes new love. Regarding him dating and having sex with someone else, set *your* boundary. 'I prefer to be intimate (or you could say 'have sex') with someone I am exclusive with. How do you feel about that?' Go from there. Being exclusive sexually doesn't have to be considered an OMG, BF/GF-engaged-married slippery slope. It just means while you are getting to know each other, at this early stage, that *you* prefer to be sexually monogamous. Adjust as it properly reflects *your* perspective. I'm just outlining the methodology. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
snowbell Posted August 18, 2010 Share Posted August 18, 2010 The sex may have added, but it sounds like you're crazy about this guy anyway. Take your time emotionally and just go with the flow. I agree with carhill about being up-front about your preferences for exclusivity related to intimacy. If all the cards are on the table, there's a lot less confusion and fewer opportunities for either party to get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted August 18, 2010 Share Posted August 18, 2010 You can't put an egg back into its shell once you've cracked it, so don't worry about it. You've slept with him. Continue on as you like and hope things work out. It sounds like there was some basis for the connection, so perhaps it will. Sex can make me crazy outside of an exclusive relationship. That's why I don't do it. So, sure it could be making you nutso. Or the connection could. But just decide not to be nutty and get on with living life. Most of our thoughts and feelings are choices just as much as our actions; people just persist in not believing this. Link to post Share on other sites
mushmaven Posted August 18, 2010 Share Posted August 18, 2010 If you think that the sex made you feel it - take it out of the equation - and then decide whether you still have the same feelings for the guy. One typical tip that I give to people who are worried whether their relation is all about sex is to think about this for a moment: Imagine that you and your partner will never have sex, never ever. Would you still like to be with them? Now that you have slept with him, it wouldn't make more time to make it 'a common thing', but if you are worried you should keep away from sexual interactions with him. If it does anything to your relationship, positive or negative, you should think about it again. Link to post Share on other sites
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