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Am I being an overly critical Gf?


nineyearsgone79

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nineyearsgone79

Hey Guys.. So I'm writing because lately i've felt frustrated at my boyfriend of two months. The first main thing is that we see each other on fridays and i usually spend the night and leave on saturday. Our date night is fun and we get along. However, during the rest of the week we only communicate via instant messenger. I've told him that I prefer telephone and he says that he is just not a big phone person. He says that he is afraid that he would run out of things to say and that I would then think he was boring. I said that's silly that I do not think that and that I just want to connect with him via phone.. because it's nicer hearing someone's voice. Anyway he didn't really say he'd do phone more he just asks if it's a problem.. and I say well i just like phone and he then says why he doesn't it and we go round and round! BLUGh

 

So am I being to critical of him?? I just find it funny that I talk to my friends on the phone and the guy i'm dating we only talk on instant messenger... I'm 31 and he's 28... instant messenger reminds me of high school times.

 

Also this is silly and a bit personal but i was asking him about a fantasy he had earlier tonight when he was alone... so after much inquiring he told me it was about this 40 something woman at work who just left. Ok... i duno but i've never had a boyfriend tell me straight up they were masterbating to some fantasy of a coworker person. Thoughts ideas... man i can't believe he really admitted that hehe. I guess it's good.. any thoughts from you guys?

 

Thanks!

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What happens when you call him?

 

I hate instant messenger and haven't used it since high school. So I wouldn't even be logged in to one of these things, but if you don't like it don't do it. Call him or tell him to call you when he starts IMing.

 

Also this is silly and a bit personal but i was asking him about a fantasy he had earlier tonight when he was alone... so after much inquiring he told me it was about this 40 something woman at work who just left. Ok... i duno but i've never had a boyfriend tell me straight up they were masterbating to some fantasy of a coworker person.

It was a little dumb of him to tell you, but you shouldn't ask questions you don't want the answer to.

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I am not a big phone person myself but only instant messenger and one night out of the week after two months is a bit different. I didn't know instant messenger was still popular. He should compromise a bit considering it has only been two months and he should use his time wisely in building some sort of intimacy, IMO.

 

I don't think you are nagging or anything but I understand him not wanting to be chatty on the phone like a high school girl. He should call more often for at least a few minutes couple of time per week, I think. I wouldn't pressure him into all night conversations or anything. You both should compromise a bit.

 

The whole fantasy thing is like this - if you don't want to know, don't ask. It's like looking through someone's personal belongings. You will find something to upset you if you do it. Asking people's about their fantasies can lead to anything.

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nineyearsgone79

When I call him he does not pick up. I say on aim i'm calling u now and he goes i don't like talking on phone through aim. SO basically he just won't pick up. :/

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nineyearsgone79

Yeah.. I won't be asking him in the future for his fantasy's. Hehhh

 

Yah... I wish he would compromise. I told him that I didn't feel like we were connecting and that I was talking during the week on aim to some internet stranger. I just feel like i want to get to know him ya know? The longest time he has talked to me on the phone was about 15 min's. .. I had to ask him to stay on the phone too he wanted to leap off after 5 min's. I would understand if he was multi-tasking or something but when i ask what he is doing online he's just like... chatting to u.

 

How can i ask him to compromise? When i told him about the connecting .. he said i'm sorry i let u down. I said you not letting me down I'm just letting u know what I prefer. I just said that I like him and want to connect with him more in a much more personable way. He didn't pick up the phone tonight when I tried to call he just typed that he wanted to stay on aim and let it go to voice mail. <ugh>

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Okay then you need to flat out say "I am really unhappy with our lack of phone time. IM annoys me and it isn't enough contact."

 

Frankly, if he won't call you after something like that, maybe he isn't the guy for you.

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nineyearsgone79

Yeahhh true... I have to just get up the backbone and put my foot down about it. It's something important for me. It's so frustrating to have these sorts of issues so early on in a relationship. This is suppose to be the time when you want to spend time with the other person ya know?

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This is odd behavior, if you ask me. You don't see him very often and he doesn't want to really talk - this is a problem if you ask me. I think he's either seeing other women or he's just not that interested in you...or both.

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nineyearsgone79

I honestly was thinking that too.. about the not into you thing. The only thing is he is the one who found me and wrote me. He had remembered me back in high school I was 2 years older than him and he never spoke to me. I guess he harbored a crush the past 10 years. Also... He is obsessed about meeting my parents. He constantly wants to come over and meet them. He also wants me to meet his. I honestly do not understand the parent obsession. He just goes on about how he's going to pop by at their house and introduce himself. I just feel 2 months is a lil soon to do the parent intro thing. Also like I want to make sure he's worth introducing as in I want to get to know him more of course.

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This is odd behavior, if you ask me. You don't see him very often and he doesn't want to really talk - this is a problem if you ask me. I think he's either seeing other women or he's just not that interested in you...or both.

 

 

I agree. I think he maybe just not that into you or something else. I wouldn't pressure him into calling you. Why force him to talk to you? You have to make him want to talk to you.

 

Simply tell him that it is not enough contact as stated above.

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I honestly was thinking that too.. about the not into you thing. The only thing is he is the one who found me and wrote me. He had remembered me back in high school I was 2 years older than him and he never spoke to me. I guess he harbored a crush the past 10 years. Also... He is obsessed about meeting my parents. He constantly wants to come over and meet them. He also wants me to meet his. I honestly do not understand the parent obsession. He just goes on about how he's going to pop by at their house and introduce himself. I just feel 2 months is a lil soon to do the parent intro thing. Also like I want to make sure he's worth introducing as in I want to get to know him more of course.

 

You know, I don't know your situation and I don't know him. I just think his behavior is odd and something isn't ringing true. His obsession about parents may just be a smoke-screen to throw you off-course. I'll just say it again - when two people meet and connect and love being with one another, they tend to spend every moment they can with one another and talk on the phone quite a bit. I understand that texting is popular but most dating people don't rely on this as heavily as your bf is. Despite the fact that he found you and all that, something still isn't right.

 

But the problem is, continuing to bring this topic up to him over and over again is just pointless. It becomes nagging and the reason women nag is because they don't feel heard. If you've expressed your feelings on this issue and he hasn't changed his behavior, then you need to decide for yourself if you want to be in this relationship or not. He's obviously not taking your feelings seriously and this is problem, particularly when your point is valid and reasonable. Instead of trying to make him do something he apparently doesn't want to do, decide what you want to do.

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nineyearsgone79

You make very valid points... and it helps to have the support of others. I've never been one to easily dump someone I always feel a bit bad about it. I guess I just have to weigh the positives and negatives and just think about me at this point. He obviously is thinking about him and how he wants to communicate and get to know me.

 

It stinks because it is such a minor thing and I still don't get why he's so anti talking to me. I am finding myself nagging at him throughout the week and it has obviously not changed anything and I hate nagging. Your 100% straight on that nagging is about not being heard! I totally feel like he doesn't get it. It is something important to me because I want to feel more connected.

 

It's sad when I feel like I connected to my guy "Friends" and then the bf comes online and i'm like oh it's him. :/

 

Thanks for the thoughts guys I really appreciate it!!

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OMG, you're the same person who wrote about how he wants you to split the cost of condoms and wants you to pay for half of everything and has never really bought you anything? Please tell me you're not serious. This guy is so full of crap and he so using you. Stop feeling bad about someone who treats you in such dismissive ways and walk away from this jerk. God, the things women put up with.

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nineyearsgone79

Yah.. sadly I'm the same person. :/

 

I know I just need to get the guts and let him know I can't put up with this silliness any longer before it goes any further. Thank you though for the courage... hopefully through more dating I can get more hardened and not let things get as far as they had when the person is obviously only concerned with getting his own way. Wow I don't miss dating again!

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