CARL45 Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 Recently I hung out with a female friend at a coffee shop. We got along alright. We talked and asked her what time does she have free. Well I asked by text tonight about meeting up at lunch time and this the end of the response I got back "And just to be clear.. because it happens too frequently..it is not a date right? I don't know how to answer her back. If I say yeah its a date. I know she will friend zone me with a quickness. If I don't she will probably not trust me very much. What makes this worse is we work in the same field( were teachers) and she knows my mother and close friends. I really want to give her a smarta** answer,but that might be risky because she is kind of a friend. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 What is your motive for asking her out? Do you have a romantic interest in her? How long have you two been "friends"? Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 Hahahah, YES, this has happened to me before...2009 Marine Corps Birthday Ball...I had mistakenly bought a second ticket thinking I could find someone to go with me...so the week before the event in a last-ditch attempt to not waste the ticket, I post an open invitation on Facebook, and one of my female friends from college said she'd like to go...so we get to the venue and she has the audacity to tell me, "you know, we're just here as friends, right...?" I just said "yes" and kind of lost a bit of respect for her. She sucked as a date and was generally mopey and whiney the whole time. So I think you already have the answer to your question...you've been friendzoned...so just tell her yea, just as friends for lunch...and then never ask her to do stuff one-on-one again...that way you're not burning any friendship bridges or making an ass of yourself... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 you've been friendzoned Do not use that phrase in my presence!!! OP, it's clear you wanted lunch to be a date, and she doesn't. I think the best response at this point would be something like, "Can't a friend take you to lunch? ;)" Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 Do not use that phrase in my presence!!! Hahahah. A thousand pardons! It reminds me of that gameshow The Weakest Link..."You've been friendzoned. Goodbye." Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 Hahahah. A thousand pardons! You're forgiven. It reminds me of that gameshow The Weakest Link..."You've been friendzoned. Goodbye." Yeah, that's how I would have taken the OP's lady friend's text. With "Goodybe" even in the AOL voice. Link to post Share on other sites
green apples Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 Hahahah, YES, this has happened to me before...2009 Marine Corps Birthday Ball...I had mistakenly bought a second ticket thinking I could find someone to go with me...so the week before the event in a last-ditch attempt to not waste the ticket, I post an open invitation on Facebook, and one of my female friends from college said she'd like to go...so we get to the venue and she has the audacity to tell me, "you know, we're just here as friends, right...?" I just said "yes" and kind of lost a bit of respect for her. She sucked as a date and was generally mopey and whiney the whole time. So I think you already have the answer to your question...you've been friendzoned...so just tell her yea, just as friends for lunch...and then never ask her to do stuff one-on-one again...that way you're not burning any friendship bridges or making an ass of yourself... Why did you lose respect for her? Link to post Share on other sites
green apples Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 In general, is there a need to specify? I've got lunch offers and asked people out for lunch without thinking much about them. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Cupcakes Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 Hard to tell, maybe she really is hoping it is a date for lunch and hoping you aren't just asking as friends. Over text it is hard to distinguish. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CARL45 Posted July 22, 2010 Author Share Posted July 22, 2010 She thinks its a date. Think about she is asking the question because then she can say " I thought we were just friends". She wants me to be in a corner and I refuse to be. I just decided to give her this answer " Wednesday are busy for me, so maybe. I have a tight schedule.Are you trying to hit on me because your doing a horrible job. You need to learn some new stuff.";) Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 Why did you lose respect for her? Her pretentiousness to automatically assume that I wanted to go as more than friends. Of course, I had no intentions of anything more than friends with her, as I was still heartbroken over my ex. But seriously, she responded to an open invitation to practically all my Facebook friends. What did she think...that suddenly I wanted to date her after being out of touch for over 3 years...? Her saying that just made her seem a bit less appreciative of me taking her to the biggest MC Ball on the f'in planet (it was the Commandant's Ball in DC). Link to post Share on other sites
green apples Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 Her pretentiousness to automatically assume that I wanted to go as more than friends. Of course, I had no intentions of anything more than friends with her, as I was still heartbroken over my ex. But seriously, she responded to an open invitation to practically all my Facebook friends. What did she think...that suddenly I wanted to date her after being out of touch for over 3 years...? Her saying that just made her seem a bit less appreciative of me taking her to the biggest MC Ball on the f'in planet (it was the Commandant's Ball in DC). LOL. It's a damn if you do, damn if you don't situation. If you like her and she says we're only going as friends, you might not like it. Since you don't like her that way, you're annoyed that she assumed you guys are going as anything more than friends. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 LOL. It's a damn if you do, damn if you don't situation. If you like her and she says we're only going as friends, you might not like it. Since you don't like her that way, you're annoyed that she assumed you guys are going as anything more than friends. Heh, yep...it is what it is...but I still had a good time though. Link to post Share on other sites
mixwell Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 Recently I hung out with a female friend at a coffee shop. We got along alright. We talked and asked her what time does she have free. Well I asked by text tonight about meeting up at lunch time and this the end of the response I got back "And just to be clear.. because it happens too frequently..it is not a date right? I don't know how to answer her back. If I say yeah its a date. I know she will friend zone me with a quickness. If I don't she will probably not trust me very much. What makes this worse is we work in the same field( were teachers) and she knows my mother and close friends. I really want to give her a smarta** answer,but that might be risky because she is kind of a friend. What should I do? No need to worry about being friend zoned as this chick has already put you in the friend zone... Personally I would be a smart azz and say something like " so and so we're just friends, i can't imagine you'd think of me in that way " or "so and so we're just friends and you should stop fantasizing about me that way" "so and so we can make it a date if you want to pay for us" something stupid over the top that she can get a comical answer to, or you could just say "lol no not a date weirdo, just as friends" and leave it at that..sorry to say bro but it appears you have interest in this chick as more than friends but she is making it as clear as can be she has no interest by her reply in confirming that she has no interest in you other than being just friends. I remember once confirming a time/date with my ex and I said "ok cool it's a date" and she replied "its not a date" i tried to come back and say "yah duh, i meant its a date as in an appointment/time for us to meet up"... Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
mixwell Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 She thinks its a date. Think about she is asking the question because then she can say " I thought we were just friends". She wants me to be in a corner and I refuse to be. I just decided to give her this answer " Wednesday are busy for me, so maybe. I have a tight schedule.Are you trying to hit on me because your doing a horrible job. You need to learn some new stuff.";) Good reply although if all she sees you as is a friend she will probably think LAME about the comeback but but if she were interested she would see that you're flirting.... Most like she sees you as just friend and the flirty reply didn't do anything.. I think you should REALLY try to just see her as a friend and I know its hard because i've been in contact with my ex a little less than a year and I make flirty remarks that get unexpected and/or no replies and I need to stop because I have been friend zoned.. just treat her like one of your guy friends.. That is REALLY something I need to employ personally but it has been hard. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 Recently I hung out with a female friend at a coffee shop. We got along alright. We talked and asked her what time does she have free. Well I asked by text tonight about meeting up at lunch time and this the end of the response I got back "And just to be clear.. because it happens too frequently..it is not a date right? I don't know how to answer her back. If I say yeah its a date. I know she will friend zone me with a quickness. If I don't she will probably not trust me very much. What makes this worse is we work in the same field( were teachers) and she knows my mother and close friends. I really want to give her a smarta** answer,but that might be risky because she is kind of a friend. What should I do? While I think she was lacking in the nuance of dealing with this issue. . . I'm surprised at the vitriol (guess I shouldn't be here) of all the replies. Maybe she's just had the issue before where she thought a guy was a friend (you even stated she was a friend!) and he got upset later that she had somehow "strung him along." I see that complaint so frequently here, by men. It is awkward for women sometimes. I like men, and I like being friends with them. Most of my male friends are people I would never, ever date for one reason or another that in no way detracts from their awesomeness, and that's fine because most of them wouldn't date me either! But, in the beginning, it's hard not to wonder, "He knows right? He's not going to get mad at me?" If you don't want to be friends with her and are only interested in dating her, I think you should say so. If you want to be friends with her but would like to date her, then it's trickier, but you don't seem to be much of a friend to her at all, from your reaction. Link to post Share on other sites
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