EyeAlone Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 I went out on a first date with someone from an online dating site Saturday night. I don't remember exactly what I said at the end of the date but I thought that I said that I had a really good time. I can be kinda socially awkward so I don't know if it came out weird or what. I thought we had good chemistry and it turned out that we had a ton of things in common. I guess I was wrong because I haven't heard back from him. I see that he's signed on many times to the dating site since then but he hasn't viewed my profile at all. Seems like he's purposely avoiding me. I'm just hurt, upset, and mad for a couple of reasons. First of all, I want closure. I would like to know what went wrong. Did we talk too much? Was the date too long? I mean, if he didn't like me, then I wish he would have just cut the date short rather than sitting with me for a few hours. Secondly, in my past relationships, I was usually the one that makes a move. I usually expressed interest after the first date. This guy seemed to come off as a shy type of guy, but hey, I could be wrong. I was thinking about sending him a text message to let him know that I really did enjoy our date in case I wasn't clear in expressing it the first time. But wouldn't that be weird for me to do that a few days later? Should I just write this off and move on? ARGH Link to post Share on other sites
The Paper Knight Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 I'm just hurt, upset, and mad for a couple of reasons. First of all, I want closure. Closure from what? Its been one date, don't be so over sensitive I would like to know what went wrong. You are assuming you did something wrong when its more like the chemistry (which none of us can control) wasnt there. Should I just write this off and move on? ARGH I can understand your frustration, but I think online dating is pretty hit and miss. If you want a man then let him make the next move, meanwhile try someone else on for size. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Daniel89 Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 Keep your options open I say! Link to post Share on other sites
Author EyeAlone Posted July 20, 2010 Author Share Posted July 20, 2010 I know that I'm probably being over sensitive since it was only a first date, but if the chemistry wasn't there, then why drag the date out so long? That's whats ticking me off. When I'm out on a date with someone where I know there's no chemistry, I try to make it as quick as possible. I figure doing it that way they know that I'm obviously not interested. But dragging it out for hours seems like a huge waste of time if you know there's no chemistry. wtf Link to post Share on other sites
The Paper Knight Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 But dragging it out for hours seems like a huge waste of time if you know there's no chemistry. wtf Be greatful it was only hours and not years like some of these other poor souls! Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 There really are plenty of explanations (and, honestly, this is one date -- you're going to have to develop more dating nonchalance and not so many expectations on every single date), but allow me to posit one: He didn't cut the date short because you had lots in common, it was a good enough time, and he liked hanging out. He didn't contact you right away because there was no chemistry and he couldn't see himself dating you. The two are not mutually exclusive. You can have a good, chill, or even kick-ass time with someone and then not contact them because there's no chemistry and you don't need anymore friends/just being friends makes you uncomfortable because it was supposed to go all datey/whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 You can have a good, chill, or even kick-ass time with someone and then not contact them because there's no chemistry and you don't need anymore friends/just being friends makes you uncomfortable because it was supposed to go all datey/whatever. Exactly. You need to calm down, EyeAlone, and get some perspective. You need "closure" after going on ONE date with the guy?? You're getting yourself all worked up for no reason. He doesn't owe it to you to tell you what you did "wrong" (which is really the wrong way to look at it, btw. Sometimes the chemistry just isn't there, or one person gets turned off for some reason... it doesn't mean you did something wrong). I think you're being way too dramatic and you can't go into every date with crazy expectations like this. Chill out a bit! Link to post Share on other sites
EYECANDY000 Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 You dont need closure. Besides if you asked him do you think he is 1) going to be honest or 2) respond back... He seen it as a date and you two werent compatible. Move on. dont be hurt by this. You only met him the one time. No feelings have really developed in one date. Dont waste your time getting worked up over this. Im sure there will be plenty of other dates, to the extinct where you wont like the guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Twix Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 (edited) If you know (or at least think) he's shy when it comes to situations like this AND you had a great time, enjoyed being with him, and felt like there was chemistry, why wouldn't you send him a text or call him after a day or two to let him know if you didn't hear from him right away? If I have a great time with someone on a first date, I let them know the next day. Why would I wait? That doesn't make any sense. If they had a great time as well, they'll reciprocate the feeling and be happy I called because they enjoy talking to me; if they didn't then I'll find out the reality of the situation right away without sitting around for a few days wondering what the hell they're thinking. The whole "dating etiquette" idea is stupid and it really pushes a non-communicative beginning to relationships. Forgive my language, but **** that. The more open and willing to communicate I've gotten, the better my relationships have gotten, and I now find myself in the best relationship I've ever been in because we both talk to each other and are very up front about pretty much everything. After we met, I called her the next day and we went on another date that night. She said she thought about holding off on going out again so soon because of some supposed "rule" about that, but is now extremely happy that she didn't. The communication was there right from the start and remains intact. It was also refreshing and left a very positive vibe in my mind that she enjoyed being with me enough to see me again right away and looked forward to it. Because of that, the relationship blossomed and continues to do so. I'm not saying that you should get your hopes up about this particular situation because it sounds like he might not be interested in another date, but my advice is for future reference. If a date goes well from your end, there should never be a question after a day or two about where things stand because if the communication is there right off the bat, you'll know and never find yourself wishing you had closure. Don't be afraid to contact a guy after a date and let him know how you felt about it. If people did this more often, there would be a lot less drama and stress in the world. To anyone out there reading this and saying, "The girl can't call back FIRST!" or "The guy should at least wait a couple days so he doesn't seem so desperate...", use some common sense for this one. Two people that really like each other and enjoy spending time together are going to want to see each other again soon and are going to be very happy to hear from the other person. PLUS the initial contact from the other person confirms that you aren't the only one feeling that way. Edited July 20, 2010 by Twix Link to post Share on other sites
EYECANDY000 Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 To anyone out there reading this and saying, "The girl can't call back FIRST!" or "The guy should at least wait a couple days so he doesn't seem so desperate...", use some common sense for this one. Two people that really like each other and enjoy spending time together are going to want to see each other again soon and are going to be very happy to hear from the other person. PLUS the initial contact from the other person confirms that you aren't the only one feeling that way. I totally agree, that women should be a little more proactive. they should be a little more aggresive instead of waiting around for a guy to call first. But why does she need to call and text this guy if he clearly logs on to the same website and dont acknowledge her. Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 You dont need closure. Besides if you asked him do you think he is 1) going to be honest or 2) respond back... Or 3. not reply at all and block you while he is at it. Then you really going to snap and want "closure". He is a stranger, why the closure? Besides, chemistry is something that is not exactly measured in one single date. If you don't understand the dynamics of "online dating" then your heart is going to break after each failed connection. People have different agendas. Who knows, this guy can be trying to just go on a one-time date with every single chick he can get her to agree to meet. He's probably not looking for someone to go steady with or just simply is not interested. It happens. Next time, don't expect so much out of nothing and it may save you the bittersweet aftermath. Link to post Share on other sites
ReadyforLove Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Maybe I missed something but you said you "haven't heard back from him". Are you implying that you tried to contact him and he didn't respond? Was this your first date ever? Because this honestly happens quite often and you shouldn't make it into such a big deal or put the blame on yourself. Not every date is going to be a home run/instant chemistry/magic/fireworks for both people. I think the problem is that your expectations were way too high. If you are really curious then I say reach out to him and ask him if he is interested in meeting up again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EyeAlone Posted July 21, 2010 Author Share Posted July 21, 2010 Maybe I missed something but you said you "haven't heard back from him". Are you implying that you tried to contact him and he didn't respond? Was this your first date ever? Because this honestly happens quite often and you shouldn't make it into such a big deal or put the blame on yourself. Not every date is going to be a home run/instant chemistry/magic/fireworks for both people. I think the problem is that your expectations were way too high. If you are really curious then I say reach out to him and ask him if he is interested in meeting up again.No no, this was definitely not my first date ever. I just really honestly thought we clicked! Anyway, I decided for the hell of it I would send him a text message thanking him for the date and that I hope his week is going well. He replied with a thank you. So that's that. Now I'm more pissed off at myself than anything else. I fell for him too fast and too hard. Link to post Share on other sites
ReadyforLove Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 His response was short and not even engaging. It's time to move on to the next one. Link to post Share on other sites
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