You're such a player...wut?

[TaurusTerp]

I figured I'd ask the women of LS for help here...

 

I broke up with my girlfriend of a year about four months ago, and this issue has come up three times already with different women. Everything will be going well, and then randomly I get the "you're such a player, it's obvious to me and even my friends" and then the cold shoulder. I've asked my female friends about this, and they agreed and said I'm way too smooth and forward. I thought this was mind-boggling, since I'm looking for a serious relationship and not to use women at all. I don't think I'm even that smooth - I'm usually somewhat nervous on dates and trying not to sound like an idiot. What, am I supposed to purposely stutter more?

 

It's such an absurd idea for me to be accused of being a player based on nothing more than a gut feeling that on my last date, when this happened again, I just said **** this in the middle of coffee and left her there. She called and apologized and asked for another date, but I just ignored her. I feel like it's just not worth the effort of having to convince a girl that I'm genuine if she already thinks I'm not.

 

Am I out of line here? What else makes women think you're a player, and what can I do to get this crap to stop?

[Pyro]

Do you show a genuine interest in her and her life?

 

Are your conversations with her all or mostly about you?

 

How often do you contact these women or are they the ones contacting you?

[Rhythmic]

Take it as a compliment.

 

 

Women pull that card when they are intimidated by a guy because they think he is too good for them and thus wouldn't seriously consider a relationship with them so you must only be after sex. See what your friends told you. You are way too smooth. You are probably good looking and have good conversational skills and show great confidence in not being too scared to put yourself out there and risk rejection.

 

Thus, They assume you must have plenty of women that are probably better than them after you.

 

Think about it. If women were THAT good at picking out real players and giving them the cold shoulder there wouldn't be any players out there. It is just that a real player knows how to balance things in a way to be just attractive enough to pull the girl in but not pour it on to intimidate them.

 

 

Just thought of a more simple way to put it.

These women think you are way out of their league.

[threebyfate]

"you're such a player, it's obvious to me and even my friends" and then the cold shoulder.

I would translate this to mean they don't trust you for some reason, hence the cold shoulder.

 

The best players are the ones who've convinced themselves they're not players.

[Pyro]

Take it as a compliment.

 

 

Women pull that card when they are intimidated by a guy because they think he is too good for them and thus wouldn't seriously consider a relationship with them so you must only be after sex. See what your friends told you. You are way too smooth. You are probably good looking and have good conversational skills and show great confidence in not being too scared to put yourself out there and risk rejection.

 

Thus, They assume you must have plenty of women that are probably better than them after you.

 

Think about it. If women were THAT good at picking out real players and giving them the cold shoulder there wouldn't be any players out there. It is just that a real player knows how to balance things in a way to be just attractive enough to pull the girl in but not pour it on to intimidate them.

 

 

Just thought of a more simple way to put it.

These women think you are way out of their league.

 

You make a good point with the bolded part. That is a pretty good description of me and I have been accused of being a player before.

[TaurusTerp]

Do you show a genuine interest in her and her life?

 

Are your conversations with her all or mostly about you?

 

How often do you contact these women or are they the ones contacting you?

 

Yeah...I've already learned all about their lives and shared details of mine by this point.

 

The conversations are equal parts about her and me.

 

I'd say contact is mostly initiated by me, 75 % me/25% them.

[TaurusTerp]

Take it as a compliment.

 

 

Women pull that card when they are intimidated by a guy because they think he is too good for them and thus wouldn't seriously consider a relationship with them so you must only be after sex. See what your friends told you. You are way too smooth. You are probably good looking and have good conversational skills and show great confidence in not being too scared to put yourself out there and risk rejection.

 

Thus, They assume you must have plenty of women that are probably better than them after you.

 

Think about it. If women were THAT good at picking out real players and giving them the cold shoulder there wouldn't be any players out there. It is just that a real player knows how to balance things in a way to be just attractive enough to pull the girl in but not pour it on to intimidate them.

 

 

Just thought of a more simple way to put it.

These women think you are way out of their league.

 

So what's the solution here? Get uglier/less confident/be more awkward? I'm willing to try, but that seems so forced...

[Enchanted Girl]

You might want to keep certain romantic gestures and phrases you use to yourself in the beginning of the relationship and wait for them until a few months into it or something. Because when guys do those things in the very beginning a whole lot, it seems like they are just trying to butter a girl up so that they can use her in some way later. A few months into the relationship, when you have obviously been in it for more reasons than that, those kinds of gestures and words seem more genuine.

 

And do you date around a lot? Because they may be making these assumptions just because you're attractive and they've seen you with many different women, although that isn't necessarily an indicator of anything.

 

Also, are you sure you don't have any ex's gossiping about you? That might be influencing these women's opinions about you as well.

[Rhythmic]

So what's the solution here? Get uglier/less confident/be more awkward? I'm willing to try, but that seems so forced...

 

 

 

Find more confident women to flirt with. Easier said than done I know.

[Pyro]

Yeah...I've already learned all about their lives and shared details of mine by this point.

 

The conversations are equal parts about her and me.

 

I'd say contact is mostly initiated by me, 75 % me/25% them.

 

Its been said already but perhaps the women that you have talked to are intimidated by your confidence. Keep putting yourself out there and continue to date and you are bound to meet more confident women.