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is he lying? or honestly feels he's not good enough??


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Old 7th July 2010, 10:37 AM   #1
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is he lying? or honestly feels he's not good enough??

I've been on and off hanging out/ dating a guy for the best part of 2 years. I recently met up with him for lunch after not seeing him for several months. The main reason was for him to apologize. He's been screwing me around since we met.
I really like this guy, and ever since we met, we'll hang out, eat out, see movies, cuddle, kiss a little. He always says he wants to take things slow and see what happens. I never put any pressure on him, but i'll feel that were starting to get close, and maybe i'll get my chance at starting a relationship with him...and then he'll do what he always does....and disappear! The sometimes weeks or a month later of no contact..i'll find out that he's dating someone else, then he'll break up with them...start talking with me..and the entire cycle happens all over again.
When I recently met him for lunch he put his cards on the table and actually gave me an explanation for his actions over the last 2 years.

He said he feels he's never been good enough for me. I know his self esteem is in the gutter..and he's never thought highly of himself. He told me he thinks about me all the time, even when we are going through one of our quiet periods, he misses me, gets upset that he never gave us a fair chance to start something, and he knows i'm exactly what he;s looking for, but whenever we do get close, he gets terrified that hes not good enough, so he pours cold water all over my actions, shuts down, stops talking, then finds these girls that he knows hes not attracted too (physically or emtionally) because then in his words "he feels he'll have nothing to prove to them".

My questions to you all is:
Is this even possible? can a guy push something away that honestly makes him happy...because he honestly feels he's not good enough. Or is he feeding me a bunch of hogwash...and i'm just sloppy seconds to him??
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Old 7th July 2010, 11:02 AM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sara82 View Post
I've been on and off hanging out/ dating a guy for the best part of 2 years. I recently met up with him for lunch after not seeing him for several months. The main reason was for him to apologize. He's been screwing me around since we met.
I really like this guy, and ever since we met, we'll hang out, eat out, see movies, cuddle, kiss a little. He always says he wants to take things slow and see what happens. I never put any pressure on him, but i'll feel that were starting to get close, and maybe i'll get my chance at starting a relationship with him...and then he'll do what he always does....and disappear! The sometimes weeks or a month later of no contact..i'll find out that he's dating someone else, then he'll break up with them...start talking with me..and the entire cycle happens all over again.
When I recently met him for lunch he put his cards on the table and actually gave me an explanation for his actions over the last 2 years.

He said he feels he's never been good enough for me. I know his self esteem is in the gutter..and he's never thought highly of himself. He told me he thinks about me all the time, even when we are going through one of our quiet periods, he misses me, gets upset that he never gave us a fair chance to start something, and he knows i'm exactly what he;s looking for, but whenever we do get close, he gets terrified that hes not good enough, so he pours cold water all over my actions, shuts down, stops talking, then finds these girls that he knows hes not attracted too (physically or emtionally) because then in his words "he feels he'll have nothing to prove to them".

My questions to you all is:
Is this even possible? can a guy push something away that honestly makes him happy...because he honestly feels he's not good enough. Or is he feeding me a bunch of hogwash...and i'm just sloppy seconds to him??
He is full of sh*t! He is talking crap, there is not a guy out there who would say he is not good enough for someone.

Quote:
he feels he's never been good enough for me. I know his self esteem is in the gutter..and he's never thought highly of himself. He told me he thinks about me all the time, even when we are going through one of our quiet periods, he misses me, gets upset that he never gave us a fair chance to start something, and he knows i'm exactly what he;s looking for, but whenever we do get close, he gets terrified that hes not good enough, so he pours cold water all over my actions, shuts down, stops talking, then finds these girls that he knows hes not attracted too (physically or emtionally) because then in his words "he feels he'll have nothing to prove to them".
= HE IS NOT THAT INTO YOU and he is using you as a back burner girl

If you allow him to do this then you are just as much to blame and I am sure you are worth much more than this BS ... are you?
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Old 7th July 2010, 11:07 AM   #3
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Yikes, I hate to say it but his self esteem is not the only one in the gutter! Why would you let him jerk you around like this? Don't you feel that you are good enough for a real relationship with a guy who cares about you?
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Old 7th July 2010, 11:20 AM   #4
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He's been screwing me around since we met.
I really like this guy,
You've known this for 2 years and continue to see him ?

I keep saying it over and over.

THIS thread is exactly what guys talk about when we say girls like A-holes.

Eventually she will get mad and give up on this loser, but she will then label all guys as jerks because its easier on her conscious to blame him instead of taking repsonsibility for her stupid judgment.

NOW you see why guys treat girls this way. Because the guy that treat women with respect are alone typing on forums, and the jerks are out with girls.

.
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Old 7th July 2010, 11:22 AM   #5
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I forgot to add the fact the this guy is using the " reverse breakup " method.

He tells her its a problem with him, and not her fault. That way he doesnt have to get his hands dirty.


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Old 7th July 2010, 11:27 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by sara82 View Post
When I recently met him for lunch he put his cards on the table and actually gave me an explanation for his actions over the last 2 years.

He said he feels he's never been good enough for me. I know his self esteem is in the gutter..and he's never thought highly of himself. He told me he thinks about me all the time, even when we are going through one of our quiet periods, he misses me, gets upset that he never gave us a fair chance to start something, and he knows i'm exactly what he;s looking for, but whenever we do get close, he gets terrified that hes not good enough, so he pours cold water all over my actions, shuts down, stops talking, then finds these girls that he knows hes not attracted too (physically or emtionally) because then in his words "he feels he'll have nothing to prove to them".
I don't believe a word of this is true. He's using you and I would not be surprised if he's stringing several other women along too.
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Old 7th July 2010, 11:29 AM   #7
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thank you everyone. Your right..im definately letting him do this to me. Its just as much my fault as it is his. I do just fine when he is not contacting me...then i get lovesick all over again.
Ya'll are right..i need to just stop responding...and kick him out of my life.
Silence is golden...and that'll give him the perfect message about how I feel
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Old 7th July 2010, 11:31 AM   #8
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From the way you describe his behavior it definitely sounds like you're getting played, Sara. It could very well be that he actually feels the way he says he does, but what difference does it make? He's still screwing you over and what does he expect you to do about it? He's either a consumate player and/or an emotional adolescent. Either way you're getting used.
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Old 7th July 2010, 11:32 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by Serenitynow View Post
You've known this for 2 years and continue to see him ?

I keep saying it over and over.

THIS thread is exactly what guys talk about when we say girls like A-holes.

Eventually she will get mad and give up on this loser, but she will then label all guys as jerks because its easier on her conscious to blame him instead of taking repsonsibility for her stupid judgment.

NOW you see why guys treat girls this way. Because the guy that treat women with respect are alone typing on forums, and the jerks are out with girls.

.
How many siliar stories are on this forum every day?

This is all part of what makes finding a good woman so tough.
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Old 7th July 2010, 11:37 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by sara82 View Post
thank you everyone. Your right..im definately letting him do this to me. Its just as much my fault as it is his. I do just fine when he is not contacting me...then i get lovesick all over again.
Ya'll are right..i need to just stop responding...and kick him out of my life.
Silence is golden...and that'll give him the perfect message about how I feel
Kicking him out of your life means not responding to his tearful messages of how much he misses you and his romantic offers to get you back. It is all a fake show that will be put on long enough to get you back before turning back into his normal self.

No contact whatsoever is the only way to move on from someone like him.
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Old 7th July 2010, 11:50 AM   #11
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thanks everyone
I deserve better, i just have to see him for what he really is..a ASSH*LE

the definition of insanity is seeing the same behavior and expecting different results

My name is Sara....and i've been insane for 2 years
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Old 7th July 2010, 11:52 AM   #12
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He said he feels he's never been good enough for me.
When a guy tells you he's not good enough for you...believe him.

Because he's NOT good enough for you.
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Old 7th July 2010, 11:54 AM   #13
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My name is Sara....and i've been insane for 2 years

Finally on the road to recovery


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