skiski Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 My boyfriend puts such a downer on things and makes me so miserable sometimes.. we've been together 2 years and we're both 23. It was our 2nd year anniversary recently, he got the hotel in a nice little town for the weekend and it was lovely. He said he wanted to pay for everything even though i offered. The first night we were there, he decided he didnt want to order food in the hotel because it was too expensive (understandable) but when i said we should go out and get food he got annoyed because he didn't feel like walking to the shop at 8pm. Now keep in mind i hadn't eaten all day (i thought we were having a meal in the night so i only had light breakfast), but he had stuffed his face on the way so he wasn't even that hungry. It got to 10pm and i told him "look, i need to eat something or i'm going to pass out" and asked him to come to the shop with me. he got all moody, refused to go with me and threw a cereal bar that was in his bag at me and told me to eat that. A CEREAL BAR?? I hadn't eaten all day!! In the end i had to run to the shop myself at 11pm and get food before i fainted. When I got back, i tried to lighten the mood.. it was our anniversary, we shouldnt be arguing.. So he insisted we share the large hotel bath as a romantic gesture. I said sure and he started running it. When he ran the bath to the temperature of his liking, he got in and told me to get in. I put one foot in and jumped out because it was far too hot for me, my foot and ankle were red, it looked like i had a dark pink sock on! I calmly told him i need to run it cooler, he saw i burnt my foot, (i guess my skin is more sensitive.) Anyway, he went mental and kept saying "no! its freezing! im not having a cool bath!!! GET IN" and started trying to get me in. I kept refusing because it was agony for me but he kept shouting so in the end i got in and tried to cope with the burning pain on my skin. i sat there a few moments then got out, my skin was raw! he didn't talk to me much the whole weekend. The next morning he ordered food for himself. I asked him what i could order and as he sat there stuffing his face he said "ooh no, too late for that now, we'e going in a minute" and didn't even offer me a single slice. He ruined what could have been a nice weekend by being a complete miserable jerk. Advice? was i the problem?? Link to post Share on other sites
Kentucky Jelly Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 So you are 23, you only have 2 years invested in this and your boyfriend is regularly a downer? Is that correct? you only talked about this one time. Either way he sounds like a prick. Dump him. Why would you waste another minute with him? He sounds selfish and moody and that is unlikely to change. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skiski Posted July 6, 2010 Author Share Posted July 6, 2010 Hi! Yes this has happened alot, this isn't a rare occasion.. it just stands out because it was our anniversary and it was meant to be happy not miserable (and painful). He's very much a mommy's boy. His mother treats him like he is the most important person in the world or our relationship and he believes it. As a child if another kid had something he wanted, he would take it off them or try to break it. I feel this definitely reflects. Even now, he's always got to be the first to something. If we play games together for a joke (you know the machines in arcades?) well, he pushes me out of the way so he can have a go. And he gets so angry over it too, it's only a bit of fun, we're not kids anymore!! Or when I took him for a walk around where i used to go as a child. It's a small forest behind my parents house, i made a picnic and everything but all he did was complain! it was meant to be a nice day, the sun was out, it was all perfect but he moaned the whole time (flies, his feet hurting, too hot, the drink wasnt cool enough etc) and made the experience a really crap one when it should have been fun. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 Advice? Um...break up with him? According to you he's a jerk who makes you miserable, at the very least you two are incompatible. You're young and as the poster above said you're only two years in...which I'm sure at your (our) age feels like an eternity....but really, it's not. Is there a reason you stay with him? Do you have self-esteem issues? Link to post Share on other sites
bayouboi Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 You two don't sound compatible. He may even be acting this way in a passive-aggressive effort to get you to break up with him because he's unhappy but doesn't want to be the bad guy. Either way, I agree with the above posters that say it's time for you to find someone who treats you like they love you. Link to post Share on other sites
gamma1 Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 Do you want a lifetime of this? You know what you have to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skiski Posted July 6, 2010 Author Share Posted July 6, 2010 I have attempted a break up and i do have some self esteem issues. When i tried to end it, he came running, apologised for everything and promised to never treat me like that again. He begged me to stay with him. As for my issues, he's one of the only people i'm close to. The thought of him not being around leaves a massive empty space and that depresses me into taking him back. Sometimes i worry it's me, he says to me that it's me being a pain in the ass. But it can't always be me, some of the times he has been a jerk for no reason at all Link to post Share on other sites
gamma1 Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 When he's coming back to you, he's putting on a show just long enough to get you back. Some jerks are great at doing this. It's him that's casuing the problem, but it's you that keeps coming back to this jerk. If you want happiness, end it and ignore his fake pleas that he will change. He has proven time and again that they are fake. Link to post Share on other sites
Shyguy6 Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 Your punishing and torturing yourself with him. Or worse it may turn more physical than verbal sooner or later. Move on. Your only 23. There are plenty of nice guys out there who want what you want in a relationship. Use this as a learning experience as of what not to look for in a guy. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 I have attempted a break up and i do have some self esteem issues. When i tried to end it, he came running, apologised for everything and promised to never treat me like that again. He begged me to stay with him. As for my issues, he's one of the only people i'm close to. The thought of him not being around leaves a massive empty space and that depresses me into taking him back. Sometimes i worry it's me, he says to me that it's me being a pain in the ass. But it can't always be me, some of the times he has been a jerk for no reason at all Okay, then your answer is: wise up and stop falling for his charade. Every time he's put on a show and then gone back to being a jerk...so obviously you realize it's just that: a show. At 23, you are too young, have too much ahead of you, and have too many options available to you, to be settling for such a jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
lolapalooza Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 It sounds to me like he was intentionally being a jerk and intentionally trying to make sure you didn't have a good time. Sounds like you both are at the end of the road, but neither one of you has the guts to end it. Is this what you want for yourself 5, 10, 15 years from now? Link to post Share on other sites
Shyguy6 Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 Just mentally prepare youself before you break it to him though. Although nothing gets you prepared for anything like this:( Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 My boyfriend makes everything so miserable! Why then is he your boyfriend? (you have the {girlie parts} - so you get to make the rules) It is that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 I'm going to play devils advocate here for a moment. First if he didn't feel like eating what was stopping you from ordering dinner? As for the hot bath that was burning your skin but some how not affecting his... why didn't you just tell him you weren't getting in unless he changed the temp... then if he refused... its your job to speak up for yourself. If he ruins everything and makes you so miserable... how come you also say the exact oposite about him and how he is the greatest person in your life. You should just make up your mind about him. It does sound like you may have low self esteem and until you fix that you won't like anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 My boyfriend puts such a downer on things and makes me so miserable sometimes.. we've been together 2 years and we're both 23. It was our 2nd year anniversary recently, he got the hotel in a nice little town for the weekend and it was lovely. He said he wanted to pay for everything even though i offered. The first night we were there, he decided he didnt want to order food in the hotel because it was too expensive (understandable) but when i said we should go out and get food he got annoyed because he didn't feel like walking to the shop at 8pm. Now keep in mind i hadn't eaten all day (i thought we were having a meal in the night so i only had light breakfast), but he had stuffed his face on the way so he wasn't even that hungry. It got to 10pm and i told him "look, i need to eat something or i'm going to pass out" and asked him to come to the shop with me. he got all moody, refused to go with me and threw a cereal bar that was in his bag at me and told me to eat that. A CEREAL BAR?? I hadn't eaten all day!! In the end i had to run to the shop myself at 11pm and get food before i fainted. When I got back, i tried to lighten the mood.. it was our anniversary, we shouldnt be arguing.. So he insisted we share the large hotel bath as a romantic gesture. I said sure and he started running it. When he ran the bath to the temperature of his liking, he got in and told me to get in. I put one foot in and jumped out because it was far too hot for me, my foot and ankle were red, it looked like i had a dark pink sock on! I calmly told him i need to run it cooler, he saw i burnt my foot, (i guess my skin is more sensitive.) Anyway, he went mental and kept saying "no! its freezing! im not having a cool bath!!! GET IN" and started trying to get me in. I kept refusing because it was agony for me but he kept shouting so in the end i got in and tried to cope with the burning pain on my skin. i sat there a few moments then got out, my skin was raw! he didn't talk to me much the whole weekend. The next morning he ordered food for himself. I asked him what i could order and as he sat there stuffing his face he said "ooh no, too late for that now, we'e going in a minute" and didn't even offer me a single slice. He ruined what could have been a nice weekend by being a complete miserable jerk. Advice? was i the problem?? You are not the problem, he is. It sounds like this relationship has run its course. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah1268 Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 Wow, I would so not put up with that crap, especially after only 2 years. My bf gets the most pleasure out of making sure I am happy and comfortable, and vise versa. We put each other first. Can I ask is he alway like that? or was it just that occasion? But then again, at least he tried to be romantic with the weekend away thing, he just needs to realise its the small things that count. Link to post Share on other sites
sultry33 Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 OP, my recent ex was like this.. I ended it eventually. Now I realise more what a dick he was. He did do the romantic things too but like yours he didnt do the little things I took him back when he said he would change etc.. it does not last long as it was all he knew. The break away together reminded me of when my ex planned a night out we had spent the day together getting ready , had breakfast then headed to his.. which was just basic flat no heating either and it was snowing so freezing(had heating but he didnt know or check for another switch which made it come on) he had no food in, no milk no nothing.. We go out with 2 of our friends go to a nightclub which i pay for myself to get into.. was all inclusive deal for £16.. i bought rd of drinks which left me no money left. During the night he kept saying he was hungry, i was like yea me too.. he said we go takeaway after.. He then walked us in the snow brrrr to the kebab , then i sat with my friend.. asked him if i could have bag of chips as he was in the quee.. he then was like quite loud saying well I need the funds! knowing i had no money.. was miles away from home and he had no food at his. I just saw red, wth did he walk me to the takeaway? We had huge row the chips would only have been £2 max.. I said to him that if id had guests staying over I would make sure I had food in.. Even mentioned the times id cooked pizza, burgers after clubbing for my friends.. Anyway he said he get me some f******* food.. he was going drive after drinking.. Of course I said no way. He didnt change and im glad as i was becoming a bore asking my friends advice when really i just knew we was not going ever be compatable.. I have different values. I could write a damn book on the way he was:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 To all the people who are saying: It's not your fault, it's his.... STOP. It's been 2 years and if this has been his act for the 2 years... then it's her fault just as much as it is his. What's worse, her boyfriend or the person that puts up with it and doesn't leave the situation? I'm glad she posted here because maybe now she'll realize that her self-esteem issues might actually be linked to him. But to point the finger solely at him, is taking the blame away from her. She needs to recognize that these behaviors are NOT acceptable and that as soon as they are not acceptable and become repeating behaviors, she needs to EXIT the situation. Dump him. You're only 23. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 Hi, The reason you are still with him is because it has been 2 years and you feel like things should work out because it's been so long. Wow what awful grammer. Anyways you are invested because of all the experiences/moments/memories you have with him. This however has nothing to do with the fact he's a ****ing awful boyfriend, doesn't respect you, and you need to breakup with him and never talk to him again. Maybe it was great in the beginning, but if the relationship started like this/he acted like that on a first date you would dump him immediately. So dump him immediately. Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 OMG what a nasty guy. Based on that scenario he sounds like a bully that enjoys controlling you and making you feel really uncomfortable. I think you need to end this R - he is treating you so badly. To make you starve all day, deliberately keep you hungry in the morning, make you walk in the dark to the store on your own, and make you sit in a boiling hot bath that hurts you....he sounds like a complete freak. Link to post Share on other sites
vestigalvirgin Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 OP you should have packed edible undies for this trip for nourishment's sake. Link to post Share on other sites
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