Did I drop the ball or was it inevitable ?

[mixwell]

The ex I've been hanging out with (together for 7 years, ended 2004 and hadn't talked to since last year) had a boyfriend who became "out of touch" for life which she didn't consider him a boyfriend but would refer to him as one so I didn't approach her but only today in talking to her she says something referencing "my next b/f and mentions not being with the current guy but I found out she is seeing someone and has been for the last few weeks which leaves me feeling like I should have told her how I felt.

 

I find myself questioning if I just would have said something earlier maybe we'd be seeing each other again but I think I gave her clear signs and if she did have interest she would make it clear she didn't have a boyfriend and possibly throwing signs of interest so I try not to blame myself but it was kinda like a bombshell hearing her say "im seeing someone" knowing she was single and I didn't do anything but again I think she just doesn't see me that way anymore because her actions didn't really speak that she was interested (and I'm not completely dumb on reading signals)..

 

So I just want to stop beating myself up thinking I may have done something or said something for us to be together BUT if she was really interested in me I believe she wouldn't start seeing someone else ? I keep saying to myself "if i just said how I felt or did this or that it may have been different" It's to late to go back and wish I said/did it so I'm over it but would that have changed anything ?

 

She did say one time after I hung out with another girl and dated, we kissed, that something to the effect of not being together or whatever because "I kissed her so that's that" but we were just friends and I was going to say "well you have a b/f so that's that" but I didn't and maybe if I did she woulda said no she didn't then or whatever and I could have maybe talked to her about getting back together or whatever.. It's all the stupid little hints and sayings that make me think I should have persued it more but then again she didn't refer to him as an ex b/f and IF she was interested in me she wouldn't start seeing this other guy.. I mean I put a lot of plain hints that I was interested so I try to think that she wasn't interested in that way..

 

I really feel like just straight up asking her would there have been a chance not that I know she's with someone just to see if she even had considerations but I don't know if that would appear creepy... That's all I've been thinking about since she told me today.. Damn... I feel like we broke up or something and I thought after not talking for 4-5 years that emotionally I could treat her as JUST a friend but I guess I was wrong. I feel very confused and odd.. I hate feeling this way...

 

Any input would be appreciated..

Edited June 27, 2010 by mixwell

[pantherj]

You're trying to overthink the situation. You're creating a stressfull and unhappy mindset. Over and over again you think about the situation, but you're not going to find a solution. I've found that women value bold men who put their cards on the table, and say what they mean. Pacing back and forth, and worring about the situation will make you ill. Don't worry about secret signs and signals. Be bold, and tell her what you want. She has a bf? Tell her to break up with him. She says no? Then your worring is at an end. Thank goodness.

[mixwell]

You're right.. I am WAY overthinking the situation and it's stupid.. I didn't lay my cards on the table because at the time assumed she had a b/f... I should have just said "since your b/f is serving life what do you think about us seeing each other" but I didn't and that's my fault. I'm not the type of guy that usually tries to play games and I say what I feel but I didn't want to step on any toes..

 

I'm when I'm at work Monday (because we usually email back and forth a lot) I'm just going to ask her straight up if there would have been a chance of us reconnecting and if she says yes I will bring up the proposition of breaking up with this guy to give us a shot.. This is someone we've both known for a while and she hadn't talked to him in 8 years.. We didn't end on bad terms (i basically moved out of the state which is why we broke up) I don't care if it seems weird to her or makes things weird because while I can accept being friends and hanging out I'd prefer to be with her.. This is the chick that popped my cherry and we basically grew up together from age 14-21 years old. We have a very strong past that no one else can ever fill.

 

I really feel like this is "the one that got away" she was going to move out of state with me but last minute I said no and in retrospect I would have just stayed out here in CA with her but that's the past. I feel like we're soul mates and if I didn't move away I know we'd be together still possible.. There is no one on this Earth (aside from family) that I love like I love her. I've actually told her that before in an e-mail from some topic we were on. I would literally marry this chick and have kids with her tomorrow and I know I could be happy the rest of my life with her. Moving out of state is literally the worst choice I have EVER made in my life.. Literally..

 

I did get certain vibes at times but then other times didn't really get any real solid signs of interest so who know.. I am going to just straight out ask her though just to know for myself.

Edited June 27, 2010 by mixwell

[mixwell]

Man it seems like I am jinxed on LS for responses to my threads.. Every thread I post gets no replies or maybe 1-2... Out of all the views nobody can add a little more input/advice ? I would appreciate it....

 

Thanks.

[Bangle]

I have a rule, if you break up with a girl then do not go back to old, trodden ground. Move on, remember the good times, but find someone new. Don't get locked into the past.