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She's going overseas


ALittleWorried

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ALittleWorried

Hey guys,

 

I used to be a member on the board, however, I've changed jobs since and my old email address has been deactivated.

 

Anyhow, I apologise in advance for the lengthy read but I believe I'll receive better feedback by being a little more descriptive.

 

I've been seeing this girl for the last year. We met through my previous workplace and everything started off extremely slow. Approximately 6 months before we got together, her boyfriend of 5 years decided to call it quits after returning from a holiday. She later found out he had cheated on her and he didn't know what he wanted.

 

When I came into her life, she had a wall up - understandably. She wasn't entirely over her ex boyfriend and he was the reason I came to this board looking for advice. She's always been honest and upfront about things and told me late last year that she wasn't sure what she wanted due to going overseas this year. She leaves in approximately 2 weeks and goes for 6 weeks.

 

Now she booked this trip when she was single. A few months after her and her ex had split. She's going with her sister and a few of her sisters friends. When we discussed her trip, I told her "we'd cross that bridge when we got there". I'd been telling her that I didn't care what she got upto overseas as she booked it with every intention of being single. At that stage, I cared for the girl, but no way near the way I do now.

 

In the last two months, she's introduced me to her father which was a big step for her. In her eyes, if she's to take a guy home to meet dad, it means that things are official.

 

We went on a weekend getaway last week and I told her that I'm trying to enjoy the two weeks that I have left with her as I'm not entirely sure what's going to happen when she gets back home. She assured me that she's prepared to continue what we have, and I left it at that as I didn't want to get into too many details about her going away and how I'm going to feel.

 

So I guess I shot myself in the foot earlier in the year when I told her that she could have a "guilt free" pass when she travels. Again, we didn't share the feelings that we have today for one another so it was rather easy to say.

 

I finally broke the ice the other night and told her that while I'm okay with her "hooking up" overseas, I don't know what it's going to be like when she gets back.

 

I plan on travelling with a friend next year and asked if it was okay for me to have the same conditions.

 

She told me that she wouldn't allow it. Here's the crazy part...

 

She told me that she "booked this trip when she was single so it's different".

 

She doesn't want to have any "regrets". In a way, I can see where she's coming from, however, we both have strong feelings for eachother and if she's still planning on the odd hook up on the other side of the world, I think it answers my question about how strong her feelings really are.

 

She's always been a relationship kind of girl. Even though she's only 22, she's not the kind of girl that really enjoys the single life. She's attractive, she's going to be a foreigner, and I could only imagine how many guys are going to try to hit on her.

 

My problem is, when she returns, if she tells me (again, we've always been upfront and honest about everything that's happened in our relationship) that she hooked up / slept with guys, I don't think I could continue what we have. Even though I'd want to as I know that this is a girl I could see myself with forever, I personally think that the affection would die as I wouldn't be able to get those thoughts out of my head.

 

I told her that I want her to enjoy her 6 weeks travelling and to just take it each day as it comes. I know it's only 6 weeks that she's leaving for, but these 6 weeks are going to be quite hard to deal with.

 

I guess what I want to know is what you guys would do so I'll break it down for you:"

 

* Girl I've been seeing for the last year going overseas soon for 6 weeks. She booked this trip when she was single, a few months after her ex of 5 years broke up with her.

 

* I initially told her that I wasn't fussed with what happens overseas and that we'd cross that bridge when we got there. My feelings for her / hers for mine weren't as strong as what they are now.

 

* She's going with her best friend / her best friends boyfriend accompanied by her single sister and her single sisters friends.

 

If she hooks up / sleeps with anyone while overseas, would you take her back with open arms based on circumstances?

 

I've been with quite a few girls in life and I haven't yet managed to find one like her. She's gorgeous, caring, sweet, extremely family orientated and has a good head on her shoulders. If it was any other girl, I wouldn't put that much thought into this. However, I can see a great future with this one.

 

My heart tells me that she's going to behave herself overseas but my head tells me other things. She's going to keep in contact while she's over there and wouldn't have the conscience to drag the 6 weeks out without telling me if she's hooked up / slept with someone. I'm just scared that when she does, I'm going to pull the plug on what we have even though it was me that initially told her that she could do what she wants.

 

Advice please guys, sorry about the length of this post.

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