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Why do people "Elope"


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Old 23rd June 2010, 8:50 PM   #1
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Question Why do people "Elope"

This is kind of a "side-bar" to the "cutting friends" off, apparently, I found out (and apparently a lot of others found to their suprise) that her and her boyfriend ELOPED.

Apparently, her b/f proposed to her 2 months ago, and didnt' say a word to anyone.

Then all of a sudden her relationship status went to "in a relationship' to "married"

She said something about "relishing in the moment in just between the 2 of them...if that makes any sense" (when someone says, "If that makes any sense" it means it doesn't make any sense, lol)

They were wondering if they should "elope", and decided to do so. They had a friend skip work to be their "Witness"

So basically they just had "friends" marry them.

But, later they will just plan a celebration for friends to gather for the marriage.

Does this kind of cheapen a marriage? She even shamelessly admits her family wasn't even there. Kind of sickening (and yes, they're local)

She didn't strike me as the type to keep family out of it. Because she's pretty close with her immediate family.

Why do people do this?

I thought "Eloping" was just grabbing the daughter out of the parents house, and running away to get married.

THis isn't really "Eloping" actually, it's just "Getting married without telling people about it"



She said she called a friend to marry them
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Old 23rd June 2010, 9:11 PM   #2
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I am not much help because I have never been married. Often times (but not all), when I hear of people eloping, it is because the pressures of the wedding got to them. Such as having divorced parents and family feuds. Or being raised by a step dad and a dad and not knowing which should walk you down the aisle. In-laws disliking eachother, people bickering over details... that sort of thing.. it gets to the couple, they crack - then remember what marriage is truly about....THEM. So they elope

I really don't know why someone would elope other than that (and maybe finances - but that doesnt explain just not telling anyone)

But I'm the type of girl who wants the wedding Like i said... not much help
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Old 23rd June 2010, 9:20 PM   #3
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Different people see weddings differently. To some it's a sacred day, to some it's about friends and family, to some it's a big crazy party, and to other's it's simply about the private union between husband and wife. These are all perfectly valid IMO and I fail to see how anyone could be "sickened" by someone else's personal choices about their wedding day.

Weddings are stressful and expensive and an extraordinary amount of pressure is leveled at the bride and groom. I'm not a 'big wedding' type of girl. I guess this girl wasn't either.
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Old 23rd June 2010, 9:21 PM   #4
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Does this kind of cheapen a marriage? She even shamelessly admits her family wasn't even there. Kind of sickening (and yes, they're local)

She didn't strike me as the type to keep family out of it. Because she's pretty close with her immediate family.

Why do people do this?


in our case? After talking two weeks about marriage, about how we needed to get his first marriage annulled so I could be properly married in the Catholic Church ... it occurred to me that my guy was fixing to go back to the Middle East during a war, and I knew that I wanted to be his wife more than I wanted to deal with the trappings of a wedding. So we eloped while visiting his family in Alabama 18 years ago. My mom was not happy – she and I were incredibly close – but I think she reconciled our action with the fact that while I may be loud and fun-loving, I'm scared spitless at the idea of being up in front of a crowd. It also helped when we told her we still planned to "do it right" by pursuing said annulment and getting our marriage blessed by the church.

frankly, I completely agree with your friend when she said it was "between the two of them" – having a church full of witnesses is nice, but not necessary when it's the MARRIAGE ITSELF you're more concerned about, not a WEDDING.

public recognition of their marriage can just as easily take place at a reception for the newlyweds. After all, it's about what the couple feels most comfortable with
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Old 24th June 2010, 8:35 AM   #5
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Honesty, the closer I get to the wedding the more I'm considering eloping. There are some aspects of weddings which are so obligational, expensive and unnecessary. I'm thinking small, romantic, intimate and private. But.. his family wants the 'real deal'.

I guess it depends on how much you buy into the 'wedding mythos'. Some like the big grand formal stuff, others just see it as a waste of resources. Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks, I guess.
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Old 24th June 2010, 9:59 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by LucreziaBorgia View Post
Honesty, the closer I get to the wedding the more I'm considering eloping. There are some aspects of weddings which are so obligational, expensive and unnecessary. I'm thinking small, romantic, intimate and private. But.. his family wants the 'real deal'.

I guess it depends on how much you buy into the 'wedding mythos'. Some like the big grand formal stuff, others just see it as a waste of resources. Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks, I guess.
I thought "Eloping" was for teenagers back in the old days whose parents didn't like the boyfriend...this woman is 40. LOL Wierd.
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Old 24th June 2010, 10:12 AM   #7
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again, it's the couple's prerogative ... it has nothing to do with what you or anyone else thinks.
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Old 24th June 2010, 10:33 AM   #8
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I thought "Eloping" was for teenagers back in the old days whose parents didn't like the boyfriend...this woman is 40. LOL Wierd.
Actually, considering her age, maybe she felt it was "weird" to make a big broo-ha-ha about it and wear a white dress down an aisle and throw a big celebration. Maybe they actually don't care about spending inordinate amounts of money for a party, receiving a bunch of gifts, and taking hundreds of pictures. Maybe they just really, truly love each other and wanted to be married, right away, without any further planning. Maybe being together and married is all that matters to them, and just maybe they don't give a flying f*** what people like you think of it.

To me this is the UN-"cheapest" form of marriage...it's solely about those two people uniting...no party, no guest list, no family drama, etc. People are notorious for getting caught up in the planning of a "wedding" and forgetting about the marriage that will follow.
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Old 24th June 2010, 10:42 AM   #9
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weddings have become so ridiculous. Its like the new status symbol, dresses that cost thousands of dollars and over the top ceremonies with flowers and ribbons and decor and food and cake and booze . . . . thousands and thousands of dollars spent on ONE DAY. Add to that the fact that some extended families think they need to tell the bride and groom what to wear, who to invite, when to have it, where to have it, and that the family members doing the telling may not agree.

And then there is the "bridezilla" phenomenon, where the desire to pull off the perfect day supersedes common courtesy, monetary responsibility, and friendship.

Frankly, if I EVER EVEN GET MARRIED AGAIN, I am going to elope. I'll email my dad and post an announcement on my blog after the fact. Even if I DID have the cash on hand to throw a big wedding, I'd rather go on vacation or put in down on a house than waste it on a party.

OP: you sound like a petty judgmental biddy who's butt hurt over not being invited. Get over it and quit being so judgmental.
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Old 24th June 2010, 10:43 AM   #10
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Yeah, but, I'm not all about the "broo ha ha" of a LAVISH wedding...but.......I've seen some pretty cheap weddings, I think this was a little too extreme, not even telling friends or family? I'm all for having a small wedding too, but not invite your own immediate family at LEAST the mother and father of the bride/groom?

Why not invite the mom and dad at least? Kinda wierd ....Guess I'm a family man.

1- Justice of the Peace
1- Witness
and them?

0 Parents of the bride and groom? Kinda wierd.

I'm all for a small wedding, in fact Ill have a small one, but I would at LEAST include some immediate family (mom/dad) at the very most


Quote:
Originally Posted by kiss_andmakeup View Post
Actually, considering her age, maybe she felt it was "weird" to make a big broo-ha-ha about it and wear a white dress down an aisle and throw a big celebration. Maybe they actually don't care about spending inordinate amounts of money for a party, receiving a bunch of gifts, and taking hundreds of pictures. Maybe they just really, truly love each other and wanted to be married, right away, without any further planning. Maybe being together and married is all that matters to them, and just maybe they don't give a flying f*** what people like you think of it.

To me this is the UN-"cheapest" form of marriage...it's solely about those two people uniting...no party, no guest list, no family drama, etc. People are notorious for getting caught up in the planning of a "wedding" and forgetting about the marriage that will follow.

Last edited by ecto-1; 24th June 2010 at 10:46 AM..
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Old 24th June 2010, 10:58 AM   #11
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The older I get the better eloping looks! To me it's less about who's there and more about the marriage and the couple.
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Old 24th June 2010, 10:59 AM   #12
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The older I get the better eloping looks! To me it's less about who's there and more about the marriage and the couple.

Yeah, I guess at about the 2nd marriage on up...it does look better....why spend money on a wedding, when it could go south in the future anyways, j/k
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Old 24th June 2010, 11:09 AM   #13
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Yeah, I guess at about the 2nd marriage on up...it does look better....why spend money on a wedding, when it could go south in the future anyways, j/k
If I had my way the first time I would have eloped and taken my 15,000 and spent a week or two in Fiji.

I asked my current BF if we could elope but he wants a wedding so I'll have to rally and have another one I guess. He's never been married before so I'd never take that away from him if it's what he wanted.
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Old 24th June 2010, 2:39 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by kiss_andmakeup View Post
To me this is the UN-"cheapest" form of marriage...it's solely about those two people uniting...no party, no guest list, no family drama, etc. People are notorious for getting caught up in the planning of a "wedding" and forgetting about the marriage that will follow.
I agree with this 100%!! I'm actually considering eloping with my boyfriend, although we wouldn't do it in secret without informing our family & friends beforehand.

ecto, marriage is about the bride & groom, but oftentimes the wedding becomes more about what the family wants, impressing your friends, etc etc. Some people just don't want to deal with that! I want my marriage ceremony to be about my husband and me. NOT about having to worry about flower arrangements, bridal parties, food for 100 guests, keeping everyone entertained at the reception, and spending months & months and thousands of dollars on ONE DAY. I understand that weddings can be done more informally & cheaply, but frankly I personally don't want a "cheap" wedding and I don't want to spend the time planning an inexpensive wedding (making things by hand, spending hours scouting for bargains, etc).

To me, eloping is romantic because it is just about the couple. No one else. Family & friends can celebrate the marriage with them later, but that day when they unite together as one... it's about THEM.
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Old 24th June 2010, 3:51 PM   #15
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Often what gets lost in the shuffle of big weddings, tiered cakes, guests lists and obscene amounts of money is that the day is ultimately about the bride and groom. It isn't about impressing the friends of the groom's parents or reciprocating on a dinner invite for the bride's relatives. It should be for the groom and bride to declare their love for each other. How each couple chooses to do that is solely up to them. We all have differing ideas of what constitutes an ideal wedding.

For me, having a big wedding would cheapen my idea of marriage because that's not who I am. Rather, I'd want a 15 minute ceremony with two witnesses down at city hall. I wouldn't have to worry that I'd vomit from nervousness while saying vows or that the entire wedding reception was one big ostentatious display of wealth. I wouldn't have to deal with dress alterations or inane queries about whether I wanted to serve chicken or fish and whether aunt Ethel can sit beside Cousin Joe. I wouldn't have to worry that I'm giving my 300+ guests bad wedding food and horrible wedding cake and subjecting them to bad speeches and lousy music. Instead, I'd marry my lover in a low-key ceremony, head off to places less travelled and come back to host a dinner that's less painful than many receptions I've attended. I'd still be including my family, just on my own terms.
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