am I 'mental' to still like her?

[EthanH]

Hi,

 

Not sure this is the right thread to post this on, but I want some advice and the break-up thread just seems to be full of people who are so negative and want to claim that all relationships are doomed.

 

My girlfriend of over a year broke up with me 4 months ago. Since then, I have made it clear to her that I still want to be with her, and there was a few periods of three days when we got back together. However, since mid May, we have been (in her words) 'back together' but she was still scared of 'a relationship' due to our past history/the fears she has had about it since the start. Over the time of the breakup, mutual friends told me that she messed me around, she pushed me away...showed me very little respect, and changed her mind every 5 minutes.

 

Here is the point I you to discuss with me. She asked me last night about things and proclaimed 'You're mental. I like you, but I know that if things had been the other way round, and it had been you who had been unsure what you thought for 4 months, I would have said 'cheerio' by now'...

 

and when I think about it, it is slightly mental...friends have been bemused as to why I still wanted to be with her, although they see now that we are good together...and from the outside, if I was giving advice to me, I would tell myself to give up. But I haven't, and despite what people thought, what I thought all along (that she still liked me and was just scared of something she wasn't even sure was worth being scared about) was by her own admission, true. I can't say I'm sure I love her, I thought I did, but she has made me realise that at the moment, neither of us know what love is (I have considered this recently and it is just a feeling, so maybe I do love her, who knows)... I'm not desperate, ie I don't only want to be with her because I think I could get nothing else, during the break-up i hooked up with a few girls and it just wasn't the same, but I know if I wanted, eventually I would meet someone I liked if I decided to end things totally with her. It's not due to intensity of feeling, there is no way I want to get married or anything to this girl, I see plans with her in the future, but nothing too far advanced. I'm not depressed. I don't need her to fill a void in the rest of my life. I just like her, and I guess I can see past the negativity she has shown me since we broke up, because she has also shown me the closeness which I really have never experienced in any of my previous relationships. It isn't through delusion, it is the fact that when she has been honest, she has made it clear that she probably feels just as strongly for me as I do for her, but she is just v scared of admitting it/showing it. So how do i reply to her comment?

[Chochobong]

Hi,

 

Not sure this is the right thread to post this on, but I want some advice and the break-up thread just seems to be full of people who are so negative and want to claim that all relationships are doomed.

This just screams that you are looking for someone to validate that you shouldn't let this chick go.

 

It's sad man, but you're probably going to end up like my friend who after 1 and half years later can't get over this girl who has given him the runaround. After leaving him for 4 dudes (engaged to one) he keeps going back every time she shows him attention. Still has her on Facebook too - always posting crap how he needs to say a final goodbye to her, but never does.

 

Seriously grow some respect for yourself and read No More Mr. Nice Guy.

[Diezel]

You only want her because she dumped you.

And like I've said in many threads, there is no point to getting back with an ex. If she dumped you once... and you two get back together, she is more than likely to do it again in the future and that's the proverbial black cloud that I'd hate to have over my head.