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Physical Chemistry v. Mental/Emotional Chemistry


USMCHokie

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After a few weeks of online dating with a serious relationship as my end goal, I have come up with a few observations and questions.

 

 

1) I feel that there is a distinction between physical and mental/emotional chemistry between two people. I see the physical chemistry as that "rip off his/her clothes" feeling that you get, while the mental chemistry is how well you get along with that other person outside the bedroom (i.e. great conversation, similar interests, compatible personalities, etc).

 

  • Of course both are equally important to a relationship, but is there one that you put at higher value than the other?
  • Could you be in a relationship with someone that you only had one of those chemistries with? If so, which one could you do without?
  • Is physical chemistry something that happens immediately, or can it develop over time? What about mental chemistry?

2) For online dating, I've noticed that mental chemistry generally develops prior to physical chemistry. Sending messages and emails back and forth develops that mental chemistry, and it might take a few dates to determine whether physical chemistry is there. On the other hand, meeting people in real life tends to expose physical chemistry much more quickly, and sometimes it's the sole basis for two people getting together.

 

  • Do you all tend to notice this same thing...?
  • If you meet someone online and don't feel that immediate physical chemistry, do you give up on him/her, or do you give it a chance?

The reason I ask is that I've had great mental chemistry with the women I've met online, but the physical chemistry has been slow to develop. I don't know whether it's just us trying to break through that timid comfort zone phase or if it's that we truly don't have the physical chemistry. However, I seem to have great physical chemistry with a girl I met randomly downtown last week, but I'm unsure of how mentally compatible we really are...

 

In the end, all these dating experiences has done nothing but remind me of how I had both chemistries with my ex... :(

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You would want to start with physical chemistry and some emotional comfort because they are obvious at the begining.

Then, you go with flow and see how the situation unfolds. You can not get mental/emotional chemistry right from the begining because it is something that is real and deep inside the person.

In other words, at the begining people show you who they are in a superficial/only a show way but IRL they probably totally opposite. You can figure our their real colors only with time when they show who they are with their real actions/facts.

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According to your definitions of the two I would chose physical chemistry because the other as explained in your post I could have with one of my gfs.

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kiss_andmakeup

I think initially both are extremely important, and I've never entered a LTR without having both physical and emotional chemistry with the other person. I would personally not be in a relationship that was lacking one or the other.

 

I ran into a problem with this very recently as my SO of two years recently put on a lot of weight. Because we've been together for a while and have such a strong emotional bond, it wasn't an automatic dealbreaker. However, it did put a strain on our relationship (specifically our sex life which is very important to me!) and I had to confront him about it. So even once a strong emotional bond is formed, that physical attraction is still important!

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If everyone you met in the world carried around a little stat sheet with them, you'd see the emotional chemistry creep in. However, as it stands now anytime you meet a random girl it is all based on physical chemistry. Why else would you approach her? Conversly, online it is more emotional based sense you can see a lot of prudent information about them and sometimes before you even see a decent picture of them and certainly before you actually meet them.

 

I think physical chemistry at least has to have a spark at the start. It doesn't have to be an explosion, but it's got to be something. If there's no initial spark, there never will be one. But emotional chemistry can be developed over time as you get to know someone, and almost from scratch.

 

Physical chemistry for me wins out. Let's face it, we are visual creatures. Yet, there has to be a developing emotional chemistry to make the connection last past the honeymoon physical stage. So in a way both work with each other to build and strengthen any relationship. Without one, it's too unstable. Either you have someone that all you do is have sex with but cannot stand to talk to them or you have someone that you love to talk to but can't ever see yourself sexually interested in them.

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skydiveaddict

Emotional/mental chemistry is essential for a LTR. The physical chemistry will naturally evolve from that

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Heres how I feel about Physical v. Emotional.... HOT GIRLS ARE JUST AS NICE IF NOT SMARTER AND NICER THEN UGLY GIRLS...

 

I mean being nice and smart in itself make a girl seem HOT.

 

Now I am no Ken doll by any means BUT I am Tall, Strong, and Quick Witted. This is often dificult to translate over the Internet. I find that THE SKY IS THE LIMIT IN THE REAL WORLD... The internet gives me poor options.

 

In my MIND I like to pretend that I CREATE WOMEN... So its like I went out into the world and when I find a girl and bring her into MY WORLD I have CREATED HER.

 

Real world is where it is at, do the internet dating thing for a good laugh if you need it... but you have a much better shot of meeting/creating the girl you are looking for in the physical world.

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Personally, I think what you're describing are physical chemistry and compatibility. To me emotional chemistry is that inexplicable feeling of butterflies you get every now and then about someone.

 

To a certain extent I think the first two come around as you get to know someone more, given that you like them.

 

The "emotional chemistry" I have only ever felt with 2 people, and it was present immediately.

 

IMO compatibility and physical chemistry are essential for a healthy relationship. I don't know about the butterflies; currently I am pretty happy in a relationship devoid of butterflies.

 

I have no input regarding internet dating.

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Both are a must to have in a relationship, but in the end the emotional/mental is what will make or break the relationship. Having that connection, to me makes the physical attraction even greater.

 

In my last relationship the emotional/mental faded and that is what lead to our break-up.

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I think physical compatability is incredibly important for any kind of sexual relationship. But I also think it can grow over the course of 1-10 dates. It doesn't often work this way, but it can happen.

 

But I also wouldn't sleep with a person without physical chemistry, it would just be awkward and not help you develop it.

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Emotional chemistry is something that is not known at first. Physical chemistry usually is.

 

However, I believe alot of people create artificial emotional chemistry after having strong physical chemistry with people (i.e. sex). What I mean is that "emotional chemistry" is injected into the relationship artificially due to a physical bond between both partners. While this may create the feeling it subsides with time and becomes harder and harder to find that true emotional chemistry.

 

Eventually emotional chemistry is the tie that binds us. It's the way you still love someone when they are old. It's the reason you still see couples together at 77.

 

Too much of society is based on physical chemistry without enough emotional chemistry today. How many people do you know that made it to their 50th wedding anniversary? Butterflies are nothing more then physical chemistry.

 

True emotional chemistry is the thinking about someone even when they aren't nearby. It's the understanding inherent.

 

We are physical creatures, but humans are more then that. We may still derive carnal pleasure from relationships, but ultimately we are evolved past that. We want more then just physical chemistry.

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Emotional chemistry is something that is not known at first. Physical chemistry usually is.

 

However, I believe alot of people create artificial emotional chemistry after having strong physical chemistry with people (i.e. sex). What I mean is that "emotional chemistry" is injected into the relationship artificially due to a physical bond between both partners. While this may create the feeling it subsides with time and becomes harder and harder to find that true emotional chemistry.

 

Eventually emotional chemistry is the tie that binds us. It's the way you still love someone when they are old. It's the reason you still see couples together at 77.

 

Too much of society is based on physical chemistry without enough emotional chemistry today. How many people do you know that made it to their 50th wedding anniversary? Butterflies are nothing more then physical chemistry.

 

True emotional chemistry is the thinking about someone even when they aren't nearby. It's the understanding inherent.

 

We are physical creatures, but humans are more then that. We may still derive carnal pleasure from relationships, but ultimately we are evolved past that. We want more then just physical chemistry.

 

Correct.

 

Impossible to know someone on an emotional/mental level at first. That takes time....months and even years.

 

During that time the physical chemistry must stay as you slowly connect on the emotional/mental level.

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Emotional/mental chemistry is essential for a LTR. The physical chemistry will naturally evolve from that

 

Not really, to me, the more you feel mental connection, the less you feel physical.

Even a simple conversation about arts, music, cooking and books will draw my blood and sexual energy to brain instead of the genitalia.

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Serenitynow

I MUST have a good mental connection with a girl.

 

She also has to have a physical appearance that " I " find attractive, but my opinion of what looks good is far from the average guy.

 

I key in on specific features, might be the eyes on one girl, the eyebrows on another, the lips on another, its not always the same thing.

 

One LTR I had was with Dianne, probably just an average 6 in most guys eyes.

 

BUT the mental chemistry we had was unimaginable, which flowed over, boosting the physical attraction between us.

 

It was the little things she did that were unique to her that made her so attractive, the clips in her hair, the piercing in her eyebrow, the animal bandaids :(

 

Stuff like that is what fuels the love in a relationship

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Correct.

 

Impossible to know someone on an emotional/mental level at first. That takes time....months and even years.

 

During that time the physical chemistry must stay as you slowly connect on the emotional/mental level.

 

 

So what do you do during that time it takes for physical chemistry to develop...? Do you wait for it like you wait for emotional/mental chemistry to grow? Maybe this is just an inherent flaw in online dating...? Are instant physical sparks really that rare? Or perhaps it's just me...? :rolleyes:

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Serenitynow

I think the chances of finding someone from online dating, that lights that spark is almost impossible.

 

Its just flooded with too many immature, dishonest, insecure people

 

Ive been on for 8 months, and its still almost all the same women on now that were there when I joined.

 

A woman just contacted me recently, but I'm gonzo as soon as this venture goes one way or the other.

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I think initially both are extremely important, and I've never entered a LTR without having both physical and emotional chemistry with the other person. I would personally not be in a relationship that was lacking one or the other.

 

 

So how long would you wait for both chemistries to fully mature before you decide to either get into a relationship or cut him loose...?

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Correct.

 

Impossible to know someone on an emotional/mental level at first. That takes time....months and even years.

 

During that time the physical chemistry must stay as you slowly connect on the emotional/mental level.

 

Agreed. Emotional chemistry is IMO rushed these days. You try to get to know someone over the course of a few weeks, maybe just a few months. I've known some close people for years and still don't know everything about them. I don't know everything about my own parents for gods sake!

 

It's why I laugh when I see people get engaged just after one year of knowing someone. I wish them the best, but I don't expect it to last long. Not unless they are extremely lucky.

 

Physical chemistry must stay, it must have some little spark. It has to be there at some point. It may wax and wane over the years. But ultimately you are creating the threshold that the physical chemistry neeeds in order to achieve a relationship.

 

If you look at it in a purely empirical way:

 

Imagine a relationship must attain a certain level of True Love Units (TLU's) in order to be a relationship.

 

Imagine that this level is for sake of arguement 100. We don't know what it is, but the number itself doesn't matter.

 

Now imagine that in early phases of relationships that are based off of physical chemistry they have 90 Physical Chemistry LTU's, but 10 Emotional LTU's. As the relationship progresses those numbers may even rise to over 100. But hopefully, the Emotional chemistry increases.

 

Eventually you would want a relationship that is more like 30 physical chemistry/70 emotional chemistry.

 

Now you might ask me? "Why would I want the physical chemistry to go down?" It's not that it's going down, but that with true emotional chemistry you dont' NEED as much physical chemistry. You are still attaining that level of 100 for the relationship. The emotional chemistry creates less of a need for physical chemistry.

 

Again, that is if you were to look at it from a purely emperical point of view. ;)

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So what do you do during that time it takes for physical chemistry to develop...? Do you wait for it like you wait for emotional/mental chemistry to grow? Maybe this is just an inherent flaw in online dating...? Are instant physical sparks really that rare? Or perhaps it's just me...? :rolleyes:

 

Normally, you do not need to develop physical chemistry because you get hard and ready right away during the first meeting. You also have sexual fantasies about the person if you are a male.

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So what do you do during that time it takes for physical chemistry to develop...? Do you wait for it like you wait for emotional/mental chemistry to grow? Maybe this is just an inherent flaw in online dating...? Are instant physical sparks really that rare? Or perhaps it's just me...? :rolleyes:

 

IMO the physical chemistry is there at the beginning. Its that attraction that makes you feel funny in certain areas of your body:laugh: and the desire to strike up a conversation and want to date her.

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Normally, you do not need to develop physical chemistry because you get hard and ready right away during the first meeting. You also have sexual fantasies about the person if you are a male.

 

 

IMO the physical chemistry is there at the beginning. Its that attraction that makes you feel funny in certain areas of your body:laugh: and the desire to strike up a conversation and want to date her.

 

 

I definitely agree with you here...so it's a bad sign if there isn't immediate mutual physical desire by both people...? If not immediate, then you'd think by date 3...? :laugh::rolleyes:

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I definitely agree with you here...so it's a bad sign if there isn't immediate mutual physical desire by both people...? If not immediate, then you'd think by date 3...? :laugh::rolleyes:

 

For the most part I do believe that the physical chemistry must be mutual and immediate for it to work, but sometimes it can develop down the road some.

 

My friend asked this one girl out week after week and she kept turning him down and then finally she gave him her number and they have been together over 3 years.

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Serenitynow
My friend asked this one girl out week after week and she kept turning him down and then finally she gave him her number and they have been together over 3 years.

 

I posted a thread about this before.

 

I still would love to know HOW/WHY women give in to persistent overbearing guys

 

Please dont answer on this thread, I'm just thinking out loud.

 

It just boggles my mind that it works !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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For the most part I do believe that the physical chemistry must be mutual and immediate for it to work, but sometimes it can develop down the road some.

 

So maybe the issue is with online dating...and people being shy or timid to explore the physical side of things sooner rather than later (myself included...:o)?

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I guess im confused by what you mean by not having mutual physical chemistry? If I'm attracted to a girl it's moreso an issue of building that physical comfort which takes time and more importantly - balls. If you don't make a move - even a kiss - by the end of the second date, imo things just get pretty awkward and you get friend zoned.

 

It's always a bit awkward if you talk to and flirt with someone you've never actually met, even if you did everything from cyber to phone sex; you just have to try and break that barrier - some girls are shyer than others. And I agree it's tougher to make that transition through online dating vs say a friend or someone you met out in town that you want to transition into something else - because that 'physical chemistry' literally does not exist.. yet

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