LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

Physical Chemistry v. Mental/Emotional Chemistry


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 14th June 2010, 7:11 PM   #1
Established Member
 
USMCHokie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Hell's Bowel, Earth
Posts: 14,765
Physical Chemistry v. Mental/Emotional Chemistry

After a few weeks of online dating with a serious relationship as my end goal, I have come up with a few observations and questions.


1) I feel that there is a distinction between physical and mental/emotional chemistry between two people. I see the physical chemistry as that "rip off his/her clothes" feeling that you get, while the mental chemistry is how well you get along with that other person outside the bedroom (i.e. great conversation, similar interests, compatible personalities, etc).
  • Of course both are equally important to a relationship, but is there one that you put at higher value than the other?
  • Could you be in a relationship with someone that you only had one of those chemistries with? If so, which one could you do without?
  • Is physical chemistry something that happens immediately, or can it develop over time? What about mental chemistry?
2) For online dating, I've noticed that mental chemistry generally develops prior to physical chemistry. Sending messages and emails back and forth develops that mental chemistry, and it might take a few dates to determine whether physical chemistry is there. On the other hand, meeting people in real life tends to expose physical chemistry much more quickly, and sometimes it's the sole basis for two people getting together.
  • Do you all tend to notice this same thing...?
  • If you meet someone online and don't feel that immediate physical chemistry, do you give up on him/her, or do you give it a chance?
The reason I ask is that I've had great mental chemistry with the women I've met online, but the physical chemistry has been slow to develop. I don't know whether it's just us trying to break through that timid comfort zone phase or if it's that we truly don't have the physical chemistry. However, I seem to have great physical chemistry with a girl I met randomly downtown last week, but I'm unsure of how mentally compatible we really are...

In the end, all these dating experiences has done nothing but remind me of how I had both chemistries with my ex...
__________________
My views are as "fair and balanced" as Fox News.
USMCHokie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 7:28 PM   #2
bac
Established Member
 
bac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Northern Texas
Posts: 1,720
You would want to start with physical chemistry and some emotional comfort because they are obvious at the begining.
Then, you go with flow and see how the situation unfolds. You can not get mental/emotional chemistry right from the begining because it is something that is real and deep inside the person.
In other words, at the begining people show you who they are in a superficial/only a show way but IRL they probably totally opposite. You can figure our their real colors only with time when they show who they are with their real actions/facts.
bac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 8:08 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 7,450
According to your definitions of the two I would chose physical chemistry because the other as explained in your post I could have with one of my gfs.
stillafool is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 8:09 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,992
I think initially both are extremely important, and I've never entered a LTR without having both physical and emotional chemistry with the other person. I would personally not be in a relationship that was lacking one or the other.

I ran into a problem with this very recently as my SO of two years recently put on a lot of weight. Because we've been together for a while and have such a strong emotional bond, it wasn't an automatic dealbreaker. However, it did put a strain on our relationship (specifically our sex life which is very important to me!) and I had to confront him about it. So even once a strong emotional bond is formed, that physical attraction is still important!
kiss_andmakeup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 8:31 PM   #5
Established Member
 
WTRanger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,620
If everyone you met in the world carried around a little stat sheet with them, you'd see the emotional chemistry creep in. However, as it stands now anytime you meet a random girl it is all based on physical chemistry. Why else would you approach her? Conversly, online it is more emotional based sense you can see a lot of prudent information about them and sometimes before you even see a decent picture of them and certainly before you actually meet them.

I think physical chemistry at least has to have a spark at the start. It doesn't have to be an explosion, but it's got to be something. If there's no initial spark, there never will be one. But emotional chemistry can be developed over time as you get to know someone, and almost from scratch.

Physical chemistry for me wins out. Let's face it, we are visual creatures. Yet, there has to be a developing emotional chemistry to make the connection last past the honeymoon physical stage. So in a way both work with each other to build and strengthen any relationship. Without one, it's too unstable. Either you have someone that all you do is have sex with but cannot stand to talk to them or you have someone that you love to talk to but can't ever see yourself sexually interested in them.
__________________
"When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all."
WTRanger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 8:59 PM   #6
Established Member
 
skydiveaddict's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Denver Colorado
Posts: 5,964
Emotional/mental chemistry is essential for a LTR. The physical chemistry will naturally evolve from that
__________________
"Do the thing you fear the most, and the death of fear is certain." -Mark Twain-
skydiveaddict is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 9:07 PM   #7
Member
 
Green's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 10,646
Heres how I feel about Physical v. Emotional.... HOT GIRLS ARE JUST AS NICE IF NOT SMARTER AND NICER THEN UGLY GIRLS...

I mean being nice and smart in itself make a girl seem HOT.

Now I am no Ken doll by any means BUT I am Tall, Strong, and Quick Witted. This is often dificult to translate over the Internet. I find that THE SKY IS THE LIMIT IN THE REAL WORLD... The internet gives me poor options.

In my MIND I like to pretend that I CREATE WOMEN... So its like I went out into the world and when I find a girl and bring her into MY WORLD I have CREATED HER.

Real world is where it is at, do the internet dating thing for a good laugh if you need it... but you have a much better shot of meeting/creating the girl you are looking for in the physical world.
Green is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 9:08 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Arizona
Posts: 4,520
Personally, I think what you're describing are physical chemistry and compatibility. To me emotional chemistry is that inexplicable feeling of butterflies you get every now and then about someone.

To a certain extent I think the first two come around as you get to know someone more, given that you like them.

The "emotional chemistry" I have only ever felt with 2 people, and it was present immediately.

IMO compatibility and physical chemistry are essential for a healthy relationship. I don't know about the butterflies; currently I am pretty happy in a relationship devoid of butterflies.

I have no input regarding internet dating.
spookie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 10:10 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Pyro's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Soup Plantation
Posts: 30,438
Journal Entries: 1
Both are a must to have in a relationship, but in the end the emotional/mental is what will make or break the relationship. Having that connection, to me makes the physical attraction even greater.

In my last relationship the emotional/mental faded and that is what lead to our break-up.
__________________
"I could eat a can of alphabetti spaghetti and schytt a better post."-------Taramaiden
Pyro is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 10:11 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,035
I think physical compatability is incredibly important for any kind of sexual relationship. But I also think it can grow over the course of 1-10 dates. It doesn't often work this way, but it can happen.

But I also wouldn't sleep with a person without physical chemistry, it would just be awkward and not help you develop it.
that girl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 10:25 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Morals's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Oblivion, My Mind
Posts: 193
Emotional chemistry is something that is not known at first. Physical chemistry usually is.

However, I believe alot of people create artificial emotional chemistry after having strong physical chemistry with people (i.e. sex). What I mean is that "emotional chemistry" is injected into the relationship artificially due to a physical bond between both partners. While this may create the feeling it subsides with time and becomes harder and harder to find that true emotional chemistry.

Eventually emotional chemistry is the tie that binds us. It's the way you still love someone when they are old. It's the reason you still see couples together at 77.

Too much of society is based on physical chemistry without enough emotional chemistry today. How many people do you know that made it to their 50th wedding anniversary? Butterflies are nothing more then physical chemistry.

True emotional chemistry is the thinking about someone even when they aren't nearby. It's the understanding inherent.

We are physical creatures, but humans are more then that. We may still derive carnal pleasure from relationships, but ultimately we are evolved past that. We want more then just physical chemistry.
Morals is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 10:27 PM   #12
Established Member
 
Pyro's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Soup Plantation
Posts: 30,438
Journal Entries: 1
Quote:
Originally Posted by Morals View Post
Emotional chemistry is something that is not known at first. Physical chemistry usually is.

However, I believe alot of people create artificial emotional chemistry after having strong physical chemistry with people (i.e. sex). What I mean is that "emotional chemistry" is injected into the relationship artificially due to a physical bond between both partners. While this may create the feeling it subsides with time and becomes harder and harder to find that true emotional chemistry.

Eventually emotional chemistry is the tie that binds us. It's the way you still love someone when they are old. It's the reason you still see couples together at 77.

Too much of society is based on physical chemistry without enough emotional chemistry today. How many people do you know that made it to their 50th wedding anniversary? Butterflies are nothing more then physical chemistry.

True emotional chemistry is the thinking about someone even when they aren't nearby. It's the understanding inherent.

We are physical creatures, but humans are more then that. We may still derive carnal pleasure from relationships, but ultimately we are evolved past that. We want more then just physical chemistry.
Correct.

Impossible to know someone on an emotional/mental level at first. That takes time....months and even years.

During that time the physical chemistry must stay as you slowly connect on the emotional/mental level.
Pyro is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 10:31 PM   #13
bac
Established Member
 
bac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Northern Texas
Posts: 1,720
Quote:
Originally Posted by skydiveaddict View Post
Emotional/mental chemistry is essential for a LTR. The physical chemistry will naturally evolve from that
Not really, to me, the more you feel mental connection, the less you feel physical.
Even a simple conversation about arts, music, cooking and books will draw my blood and sexual energy to brain instead of the genitalia.
bac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 10:31 PM   #14
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: NE OHIO
Posts: 801
I MUST have a good mental connection with a girl.

She also has to have a physical appearance that " I " find attractive, but my opinion of what looks good is far from the average guy.

I key in on specific features, might be the eyes on one girl, the eyebrows on another, the lips on another, its not always the same thing.

One LTR I had was with Dianne, probably just an average 6 in most guys eyes.

BUT the mental chemistry we had was unimaginable, which flowed over, boosting the physical attraction between us.

It was the little things she did that were unique to her that made her so attractive, the clips in her hair, the piercing in her eyebrow, the animal bandaids

Stuff like that is what fuels the love in a relationship
Serenitynow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 10:33 PM   #15
Established Member
 
USMCHokie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Hell's Bowel, Earth
Posts: 14,765
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pyro View Post
Correct.

Impossible to know someone on an emotional/mental level at first. That takes time....months and even years.

During that time the physical chemistry must stay as you slowly connect on the emotional/mental level.

So what do you do during that time it takes for physical chemistry to develop...? Do you wait for it like you wait for emotional/mental chemistry to grow? Maybe this is just an inherent flaw in online dating...? Are instant physical sparks really that rare? Or perhaps it's just me...?
USMCHokie is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Internet CHemistry vs Real Life Chemistry pandagirl Dating 42 12th December 2009 6:00 PM
Chemistry? Copperkitty007 Dating 1 21st January 2009 7:24 PM
physical chemistry vs. friendship chocolatelablover22 Getting Married 2 14th October 2005 7:41 PM
Emotional, Mental, Physical Space...how do I do it? JosiePosie Dating 3 30th September 2005 10:42 PM
Lack of physical chemistry mental_traveller Dating 16 27th June 2005 3:13 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 5:51 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.