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Men Can't Be Friends With Women


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My ex boyfriend of several years once told me, "Men can't be friends with women, but women can be friends with men".

 

Is it true that a man won't pursue or begin a friendship with a women UNLESS he is romantically or sexually interested in her?

Since I have been out of my relationship, I have found this statement to be extremely accurate.

 

I would really like to hear thoughts from the guys on here!

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Cracker Jack

It always depends on the guy. Some guys only get close (IE build a friendship) with a woman in order to get lucky somewhere down the line; whereas some of are just genuinely friends with a woman because they're trustworthy, nice, etc.

 

So, this statement is true to an extent, but not for me.

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This is EXTREMELY accurate. While a few friendships may spark up with the sole intent on being friends, women and men weren't put on this earth to be friends.

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This subject has been covered many of times.

 

A majority of responses will most likely say you can't, but I am living proof that you can. One of my best friends is female and she has been a friend for over 10 years. Sure I think she is pretty, but the sexual tension is not there.

 

Men who think with their cocks will tell you that its impossible to be friends with the opposite sex.

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skydiveaddict

I agree with pyro . I have many '"girlfriends" that I am not attracted to

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This subject has been covered many of times.

 

A majority of responses will most likely say you can't, but I am living proof that you can. One of my best friends is female and she has been a friend for over 10 years. Sure I think she is pretty, but the sexual tension is not there.

 

Men who think with their cocks will tell you that its impossible to be friends with the opposite sex.

 

 

I agree with pyro . I have many '"girlfriends" that I am not attracted to

 

 

+1. I will often willingly throw myself in the friend-zone...either because she's not into me or I'm not into her...or both...

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If your an attractive women most guys are looking for more than friendship.

 

Men can be friends with women under the right circumstances ( married, gf, not attracted, big age difference, moral issues, ETC. )

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Crazy Magnet

Where are all the "I can JUST be friends" guys in my life?? lol I've always wanted a real dude friend but I've never been able to have one.

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skydiveaddict
Where are all the "I can JUST be friends" guys in my life?? lol I've always wanted a real dude friend but I've never been able to have one.

 

 

Look, I've grown up with many girls since kindergarten, Kissing one of them would be like kissing my sister, not gonna happen

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Look, I've grown up with many girls since kindergarten, Kissing one of them would be like kissing my sister, not gonna happen

 

 

I never had a sister, so I kind of appreciate having some females in my life that I can look to as a sister figure...one I can confide in on personal matters and the such...all without the drama and silliness of romantic tensions...

 

And besides, I got friendzoned so much when I was young that I got used to it and found almost a certain comfort in it... :laugh:

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My ex boyfriend of several years once told me, "Men can't be friends with women, but women can be friends with men".

 

Is it true that a man won't pursue or begin a friendship with a women UNLESS he is romantically or sexually interested in her?

Since I have been out of my relationship, I have found this statement to be extremely accurate.

 

I would really like to hear thoughts from the guys on here!

 

There's a difference between a guy trying to be friends with a girl and a guy ending up friends with a girl. If the guy is actively making an effort to be "friends" he probably wants more.

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Crazy Magnet
I never had a sister, so I kind of appreciate having some females in my life that I can look to as a sister figure...one I can confide in on personal matters and the such...all without the drama and silliness of romantic tensions...

 

And besides, I got friendzoned so much when I was young that I got used to it and found almost a certain comfort in it... :laugh:

 

Well then come hang out with me so we can friend zone each other. Any guy that's ever confided anything in me follows it with an "and I'm in love with you.":confused:

 

I keep thinking one day I'll be able to have a guy friend.

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sally4sara

Lets examine the larger defining aspect of the platonic friendship subject.

 

Before you even know someone enough to want to call them friend, something attracted you to them to even begin talking. This is true when making friends of the same or opposite gender. No one can say they have not noticed that attractive people have attractive friends. Fat folks tend to have fat friends. And really, really unattractive people have a much harder time making friends at all than average and attractive people tend.

 

It doesn't mean you want to sleep with all your friends. It just means that that you found them pleasing enough to talk to and a friendship was forged.

 

Now there ARE people who are fake and conniving. They are willing to act as your friend in order to get something else. They don't have to be after sex to have an ulterior motive either. The girl who just seemed to want to pilfer your closet or meet a guy you knew and disappeared once she got what she wanted. The guy who just wanted laid, or to meet your sister, or because you tended bar at his favorite club.

 

And we were put on this Earth to be friends, make friends, have relationships of all kinds. If not, language wouldn't be an art. We wouldn't be able to work and laugh together. We would be screwing our brothers and sisters.

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Well then come hang out with me so we can friend zone each other. Any guy that's ever confided anything in me follows it with an "and I'm in love with you.":confused:

 

I keep thinking one day I'll be able to have a guy friend.

 

 

Hahah, absolutely! And once your boyfriend sees me, he'll realize that I'm completely harmless.

 

And I promise I won't make it awkward by professing my undying love for you... :laugh:

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IME, a man and woman can be friends, but true close friends, with attendant mutual interest, care and intimacy couched in true and honest platonic feelings, is pretty rare. More superficial friendships, sure. Sounding board, sure. Activity partner, sure. Both in relationships with others, definitely possible.

 

In my life, I can think of only one lady who fit the above description of a true close platonic single friend, and we were close friends until she moved in with her boyfriend. Looking back, had I been sexually active, I can't honestly say I wouldn't have developed sexual feelings for her. IDK.

 

Regardless, we each define the parameters for ourselves. If one thinks it's possible, it is. Here's to the possibilities :)

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somedude81

I've wanted to have sex with every single female friend I ever had. I thought about having sex with them long before we ever started hanging out together.

 

Just because I wanted to sleep with them, didn't mean I never thought of them actually as friends. I genuinely liked spending time with them and enjoyed their company. I was being foolish in thinking that when the girl would spend enough time with me, she would start to like me. Of course that never happened, and they've all rejected my interest. The friendship basically fell apart after that. It was just too painful to remain friends with somebody I really liked, but knew I couldn't have. There was no point in torturing myself.

 

Now I don't even let myself become close friends with girls anymore. I show my interest in a reasonable amount of time. She either accepts or rejects me. Either we end up dating or just stop talking and go on with our lives and nobody gets that hurt.

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Crazy Magnet
Hahah, absolutely! And once your boyfriend sees me, he'll realize that I'm completely harmless.

 

And I promise I won't make it awkward by professing my undying love for you... :laugh:

 

My boyfriend has an overwhelming majority of female friends, so he's cool with me having man friends. I just haven't managed to find any guy who don't cross that inappropriate boundary. I've sort of got one, and I feel safe with him b/c he's totally obsessed in love with another one of our friends.

 

The last guy I truly befriended, as in hung out with, talked to on the phone, etc (although I made it perfectly clear I had ZERO romantic interest) bought a plane ticket after I moved away from the city we met in and flew across the country to the back wood sticks where I'm from to confess his love for me. That is the kind of wacked out **** that happens to me when I try to make man friends. (I was in a long term R at the time, so I'm not sure what he thought this was going to accomplish)

 

 

 

When I announced to my best guy friend that I had actually been close to for about a decade that I was getting married and asked him to be in my wedding and stand on my side he told me that the only way he was going to be at my wedding was if he was standing at the other end of the isle waiting on me...uhh.....out of left field and oh so awkward to be friends after that.

 

 

After I got married, I went out to eat with another guy friend (who was in the wedding actually) that I had known since high school when me and the now exH were back in our home state for a visit...half way through the pizza he pushes back his chair with "I can't do this anymore. I can't be with you like this knowing that I'll never have a chance."

 

:confused:

 

I've got a laundry list like this. I treat men and women the same, regardless of gender. I'm starting to think that's my mistake. There's apparently some alternate form of friendship that I need to apply to men.

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One more thing.... I've never, ever, encountered a female 'friend' who enabled, supported or 'cheered me on' in my quests for romance over the decades. They just didn't. It wasn't a feature of the friendship. IMO, a true platonic friend does such things. They support their friend's quests and relationships. I was happy for my female friend (from the preceding post) *and her boyfriend*, whom I knew well, when they took the next step in their relationship. I'm looking forward to the day when I meet such a woman who I will be proud to call my friend. So far, of late, it's been mostly vampires, some married and some single. Better boundaries are an effective silver bullet. :)

 

Crazy Magnet, you might try this tactic of being a relationship cheerleader, actively supporting your male friends in their relationships or quests for romance, as a way of diffusing and sexual feelings they might have for you and clearly putting actions to your words of 'nothing romantic between us'. If they don't value that love and support, and reciprocate, then they're not your friends, rather merely self-inserted orbiters. Try it (if you haven't already). :)

Edited by carhill
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Crazy Magnet
Crazy Magnet, you might try this tactic of being a relationship cheerleader, actively supporting your male friends in their relationships or quests for romance, as a way of diffusing and sexual feelings they might have for you and clearly putting actions to your words of 'nothing romantic between us'. If they don't value that love and support, and reciprocate, then they're not your friends, rather merely self-inserted orbiters. Try it (if you haven't already). :)

 

Yes, this is what I've always done. The most recent attempt at making a dude friend: After getting to know him for a month or two, introducing him to the BF, I set him up with one my bf's female friends. They would have been great together. BUT the dickwad starts in with the "I wish it was you, you're hotter" and other flirty CRAPOLA!!!! Needless to say I told my boyfriend and then gave that guy a piece of my mind. Ugh.

 

In the last several years I've started heavily discussing not only my love life but also the guy's love life as well. If I get any hesitation I go ahead and run, not walk, to the nearest friendship exit.

 

Sigh.

 

No one ever passes the test.

 

IRL anyways. Some of the LS guys might work though.

 

 

Female, 30, seeks normal, non interested male for friendship, no age requirement. Must not be completely psycho--slightly psycho is ok. :lmao::lmao::lmao:

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IRL anyways. Some of the LS guys might work though.

 

that's cos we can't see you, or touch. (the general 'we' that is; not talking about myself here)

 

Female, 30, seeks normal, non interested male for friendship, no age requirement. Must not be completely psycho--slightly psycho is ok. :lmao::lmao::lmao:

:lmao::lmao:

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BUT the *dickwad* starts in with the "I wish it was you, you're hotter" and other flirty CRAPOLA!!!!
Great descriptor, and accurate. Self-inserted orbiter. Sorry that you have to go through that stuff.

 

I'll tell you why *some* guys do that. They get laid. That's what they want. It works. They're in orbit around many females, including married ones and ones in LTR's, and insert 'the flirt' just often enough to jar the female's sensibilities. They know, from experience, that, someday, they'll catch her at a weak point, and then they'll have her, whether for a single use or multiple repeat performance. I've seen the methodology proven time and time again. It's really tough to compete with those types of men using 'ordinary' dating and romance. They're not 'friends', though they may appear that way superficially. I have similar experiences with vampires, except they attempt to extract a different kind of value, perhaps on par with the male's value of sex, from the interaction. They feed on emotional energy and attention.

 

My rule of thumb now is, if I can't share an interest in common with a woman and we focus mostly on that interest, we can't be 'friends'.

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There's a difference between a guy trying to be friends with a girl and a guy ending up friends with a girl. If the guy is actively making an effort to be "friends" he probably wants more.

 

 

This is what I meant in my original post. I have found that when men actively make an effort to be "friends" with a woman he just met, he actually wants more.

I wasn't talking about men who have had the same female friends since he was in high school and college because it's so easy to make friends with the opposite sex in those situations. But in the "real world", people have to make an active effort to befriend someone and that takes time, patience, and regular communication with someone.

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If you think about it, how many guys do women actively pursue as friends?

It is the guy who starts the interaction and his interest is usually not platonic.

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GoodOnPaper
IME, a man and woman can be friends, but true close friends, with attendant mutual interest, care and intimacy couched in true and honest platonic feelings, is pretty rare. More superficial friendships, sure. Sounding board, sure. Activity partner, sure.

 

I second this. I rarely grow comfortable enough with someone to confide or share enough about myself in a true- or close-friend sense. If I do grow comfortable enough and that person is a woman, there are going to be feelings of attraction mixed in. Period.

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