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Another Girl In Love With My Boyfriend


leolover

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Okay, so I've been dating my boyfriend for six months. We have a great relationship and we love each other. We both have felt more intense feelings for each other than we ever have for anyone else. We are 22.

My boyfriend lives in an apartment with a bunch of guys and it's never quiet. It's almost like a co-op, people are ALWAYS coming and going at all hours of the day and night. There is a girl who is friends with him and all of his friends, she's like one of the guys almost. She is only 18--she seems way older than that, she started college 2 years ago. She does seem kind of immature in the ways that she handles her relationships and in the fact that she seems to deal with stuff through weed and alcohol a lot. But other than that she always seemed cool to me, if not distant to me. Now I understand why...about a week ago she told my boyfriend she was falling in in love with him. He explained that he loved me (as she started to cry), and he told me about it after, which of course i'm happy about. She explained that she would have to take time away from him and that she would stop coming around his apartment. Also, apparently she is sort of seeing someone so this seems even more out of the blue.

 

Instead..she's been around every day. She still comes and goes just as much, if not more than ever. She doesn't know that I know about what happened. I don't plan on saying anything to her, and I don't want to. But I feel very uncomfortable when I see her and I don't want to have to continue this way. I'm considering going over to his place less. Yet it still seems borderline wrong to me that she's over there several hours a day even if i'm not there. I'm not perfect, but I don't consider myself an overly insecure person. Sure, I've had insecurities, everyone does, but I'm not paranoid that he'll cheat on me or anything or go for her. I just don't feel comfortable about this situation.

 

Am I reacting normally? What should I do?

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Tell her if she talks to him again you'll slit her throat from ear to ear...lol sounds like something from a movie right? Nah I would confront her ask her if she's trying to take your boyfriend or what? If you let it be known that you know she might be too embarassed to come around anymore. Honestly if that was my gfs apartment and she was always having some guy who claimed to love her over I would just tell her to not let him come around anymore.

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Ok, yeah. I mean, it's only been a week and I know he won't be living in this apartment forever...but her presence will always probably be somewhat of a factor since she and him have been good friends up til this point and she's also friends with all of his other friends, who are mostly guys. I don't want to have to TELL anyone to do anything, since I don't want to be cast as the jealous insecure girlfriend creating waves in the group of friends. I just don't know how to react at this point

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She doesn't know what love is, she's infatuated. She'll have to get over it, or else be hurt. If she makes a move...then there's a problem.

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That's a good point, but I just don't know how to handle the current situation. If she makes a move....then yeah......****'s gonna hit the fan i suppose.

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That's a good point, but I just don't know how to handle the current situation. If she makes a move....then yeah......****'s gonna hit the fan i suppose.

 

If you trust your boyfriend I wouldn't worry too much. She's infatuated, then she'll move on. Hopefully.

 

If she doesn't and turns into a sort of stalker, then you've gotta confront her.

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Does it still count as infatuation if she made it clear that it was too painful to be around him? and to be around me? and yet, i guess it's not since she keeps showing up. Another detail, my bf was in an accident shortly before this and she took him to the hospital. She told him how painful it was to listen to him calling me after the accident...apparently she seemed really sincere about it all. I just can't figure out what her deal is.

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Does it still count as infatuation if she made it clear that it was too painful to be around him? and to be around me? and yet, i guess it's not since she keeps showing up. Another detail, my bf was in an accident shortly before this and she took him to the hospital. She told him how painful it was to listen to him calling me after the accident...apparently she seemed really sincere about it all. I just can't figure out what her deal is.

 

Maybe she really does think she loves him, but some people think that and then realize later that they never really did. Chemical reactions in the brain and all cause limerance, which for all intents and purposes seems like love but isn't like true, deep love.

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So your advice is basically to just tolerate her presence and just trust that nothing will happen? I trust my boyfriend, it's more that I am uncomfortable in her presence. Also, it all just seems so ridiculous that I feel really annoyed that I have to put up with these uncomfortable feelings...especially since she said she would quit coming around and has done exactly the opposite. Granted, it's possible that I just won't care after a while.

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So your advice is basically to just tolerate her presence and just trust that nothing will happen? I trust my boyfriend, it's more that I am uncomfortable in her presence. Also, it all just seems so ridiculous that I feel really annoyed that I have to put up with these uncomfortable feelings...especially since she said she would quit coming around and has done exactly the opposite. Granted, it's possible that I just won't care after a while.

 

You have to do what you feel is right. If she makes you that uncomfortable, somehow get her out of there. If she refuses, you'll have to take it further which will create a lot of drama.

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Confronting her about this is just going to make you look like a crazy psycho bitch. Nothing turns me off faster than those girls who flip out and say crap like 'bitch step away from my boy friend!'.

 

The proper adult way to deal with this is to just let it play out, your BF doesn't sound like he's going to do anything and this other lady sounds crazy anyway so talking to her calmly isn't going to help anyway. If your BF ignores her she'll just go away on her own.

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Yeah, I don't want to confront her. I consider myself to be a really classy girl, and on top of it i'm 4 years older than this girl...I don't cause drama. I'm a sensitive person, but I hold myself to pretty high standards.

 

 

Oh, and he doesn't ignore her. He still says hi and makes friendly chat which I guess is mature of him..and I don't think is wrong. I can't deny that I wish he would ignore her a tad bit more.

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She still comes and goes just as much, if not more than ever. I don't plan on saying anything to her, and I don't want to. But I feel very uncomfortable when I see her and I don't want to have to continue this way. I'm considering going over to his place less.

 

You have more of a reason to go over there than she does. If I were you, I'd go over there more often, if only to pick up your boyfriend and go out, and be openly affectionate with him, discuss future plans with him (what to do on the weekend, upcoming holiday) and talk about wonderful things you recently did together. You want to make HER the outsider in your relationship, not you!

 

If this little group is having a holiday get together, like Memorial Day or someone's birthday, ask her "Why don't you ask that guy you are dating to come, too?" If she says she isn't dating, then say to the other guys, "Don't any of you guys know someone you can introduce (her name) to? She's your buddy, help her out!"

 

Don't just take things for granted. If you and BF have a little tiff, he will know who to run to for some quick ego and sexual gratification.

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Yeah, you're right about that. I know I have way more reason to be over there than her, my reasoning was just that I didn't want to be the crazy gf who ordered my bf to kick her out, and if i was uncomfortable than I shouldn't have to make myself deal with being around her if she's often there. I'm fine with seeing her once in a while, but if it's every time I'm at his place, then it will be hard to hide my feelings from her. I do agree with you though, that I shouldn't let this interfere with my relationship.

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sally4sara

Its a shared living space and she is friends with other residents there. They have every right to hang out with who they prefer.

But your BF can limit his own interaction with her to when she is over to the the other roomies. He can always refrain from inviting her in his room and hanging out one on one. If she requests this kind of socializing with him, him voicing his preference to not do so will eventually clue her in.

 

This is fair. It would be different if he knew of her feelings because she was all puppy eyed but never said anything. But she knew he is in a relationship and who you are, she is at odds with his life right now. Vocalizing her feelings for him was a self imposing thing to do and not something you reward with your continued friendship. She said it hoping it would change things - it did and SHOULD change things; just not how she had hoped.

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That was a really good response, and made a lot of sense. It makes sense that their friendship shouldn't continue the way it was and that there should be boundaries. I also agree that she has the right to be over there if she wants to be considering she has other friends there. I just don't like how she said she would refrain from coming over because of her feelings, yet isn't following her word.

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txsilkysmoothe

Where is your boyfriend in all of this situation? How did he respond when she said she would stay away because of her feelings for him? He should have encouraged her to do that and if he didn't, he should tell her now that he thinks that is for the best.

 

He should feel the need to step back from her so that she never feels like he is giving her mixed signals or "hope" that he will change his mind. Does he enjoy the ego stroke?

 

Sure, she has the right to hang out there with her "other" friends, but it sounds like your b/f is the reason she is there.

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