mellowyellow45 Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 Basically, I have recently realized how deeply in love with my boyfriend I am. We've been together around 6 months, and the past week or two I feel myself subconsciously freaking out. I don't know if I'm trying to push him away, out of fear that he'll leave me first, or what! All of a sudden I'm starting to worry that he doesn't love me as much as I love him, and have had thoughts the past few days that he could do better than me. I just feel really insecure, and I think he's noticing. I have been getting upset with him over small, petty things, and it makes me mad because later I'll remind myself I should choose my battles wisely, and not sweat the small stuff, but then I'll do it again. I'm his first relationship (we're 23), but I've been in a LTR before. For some reason, this scares me because I feel like he has nothing to compare our relationship to. Actually, I don't even know why exactly. But I was also my ex's first relationship, and he left me. I don't know if I have abandonment issues (who doesn't...) or why I'm freaking out all of a sudden, but I hope I don't come off as insane, cuz I'm trying to be rational and understand why I'm acting this way before I ruin something good. Also, I started birth control pills (mini pill) about 3 1/2 weeks ago, and I'm wondering if that has any relevance to my feeling this way. If anyone has any similar experiences, or words of wisdom, I'd really appreciate it! Link to post Share on other sites
kittykat84 Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 It could well be the birth control pills. They sent me a bit wacky when I started on them - and still around that time of the month I get loopy. Just really irritable. So maybe speak to your doctor about it if you haven't experienced something like this before. Also - how did your last relationship leave you? Did it take a long time to recover from the break up? I ask because I hit a few triggers while with my current boyfriend that I think were from things not fully dealt with from my last relationship. It took us a while to get over - insecurity on my part and aloofness on his. It was definitely a chicken and egg scenario too. This could be the transition from honeymoon to settling in - which can get rocky and makes or breaks relationships. See if you can talk to your bf about what you're feeling. How has he reacted with all this? It's not something you should bottle up as it will only eat away at you. I hope he's understanding - and he could have his own worries too being his first proper relationship. It all comes down to communication! :-D Link to post Share on other sites
karma84 Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 Kittykat84 gave you good advice. Be open and honest with him and tell him how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Frontliner Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 It sounds like you have to hold on to this guy for dear life. Do anything he wants. Give him anything he needs. And then he won't leave you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mellowyellow45 Posted May 5, 2010 Author Share Posted May 5, 2010 (edited) Frontliner, how does it seem like that? That's not the case. He's not my entire world, just the biggest compliment to it. I'm not, and don't act, needy or clingy - he actually does. I haven't told him that I've been feeling insecure, but I guess honesty is the best policy and I think it would make a lot more sense to him if I told him why I've been acting the way I have. It might be the pills, so I'm going to speak to my doctor. Also, I have pretty bad PMS or get loopy also, so maybe I'm still experiencing it while on this pill, cuz it is around that time of the month right now. I do also think we are transitioning into more of a settled phase than honeymoon one. I hadn't thought of that, but it makes a lot of sense. kittykat, I was in pretty bad shape after my ex left me. We dated for 2 years, and once he turned 21 and a major issue appeared between us, he pulled away and eventually broke up with me. I didn't understand why but went no contact and it took me about 8 months to get over it. I met my current right after that, so maybe you're right. I think some old issues are spilling over into my current relationship, so how do I not punish my boyfriend for issues that happened with my ex? It sound simple, but...I don't know. Thanks for the replies I do need to communicate more properly with him. Edited May 5, 2010 by mellowyellow45 Link to post Share on other sites
Sivok Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 Yeah, sit down and seek reassurance. When you hear those words from him, you'll have a more realistic vision of where he is in the relationship. Maybe it is the pills, but nothing really helps you get over an ex better than time and self improvement. The right guy at the wrong time is still the wrong guy. That doesn't seem like the case with you, so make sure you talk to him and give yourself time to dissipate these shadowed doubts Link to post Share on other sites
Romance Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 I feel similar, kind of. My bf is also 23 (21 when we began to date) and I was his first Long term relationship. so i feel like..even though we are great for each other he is going to just want to see what else is out there. and it saddens me that our relationship could end cause of that. Like I wish we had met each other in a few years when we were like 25 or 26 Link to post Share on other sites
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