Meeting Halfway

[Pfiend101]

I've gone out with this girl on two dates. So far things are going well. She lives 1 hour away. Both times I drove all the way down to where she lives to take her out.

 

I ask her if shes going to be coming up to see me this weekend.

 

She says "do you work weekends?"

 

I say "Occasionally but not right now"

 

her = "I'll give you gas money"

 

(texting)

 

Its not about the money to me. Its about meeting halfway. She does work weekends and I don't right now. Though I drove down on a Friday after work to see her. Plus I try to find something to do in a town that I dont know that she lives in. I know cool stuff to do where I live.

 

Should I just ask why she doesn't want to come up here?

[sexibanez]

She sounds pretty lazy! But it's still very early and as the guy you have to chase, at least for now. You're right though, she should come your way too eventually - but can she drive?

[Pfiend101]

Yes. She can drive.

[marsle85]

I've gone out with this girl on two dates. So far things are going well. She lives 1 hour away. Both times I drove all the way down to where she lives to take her out.

 

I ask her if shes going to be coming up to see me this weekend.

 

She says "do you work weekends?"

 

I say "Occasionally but not right now"

 

her = "I'll give you gas money"

 

(texting)

 

Its not about the money to me. Its about meeting halfway. She does work weekends and I don't right now. Though I drove down on a Friday after work to see her. Plus I try to find something to do in a town that I dont know that she lives in. I know cool stuff to do where I live.

 

Should I just ask why she doesn't want to come up here?

 

 

No, don't ask her. You've already killed the chivalry, try to preserve what you can. She wants you to drive because it's romantic. There is nothing more unromantic then driving home after you met up with a guy. I know this is a double standard- but she wants to feel special to you. She wants to feel like she's not putting you out of your way, like you want to pick her up.

 

This goes a long way.

 

You can easily find things around her town to do- google them. Or, any of the surrounding areas. The weather is starting to really warm up, there is SO much you can do.

 

If you ask her why she doesn't want to drive, she'll make something up. One guy asked me one time, and I just sad "I just don't like driving, but it's soo nice of you to pick me up. You're sweet."

 

I'm not saying she'll reject you because of this, i'm saying if you do like this girl - go the extra mile (or 15... ha ha). Coming from a girl who knows what this girl is talking about- if you want to redeem yourself, you could say something like "I'm picking you up because I get to keep you to myself for as long as I want"

[sexibanez]

No, don't ask her. You've already killed the chivalry, try to preserve what you can. She wants you to drive because it's romantic. There is nothing more unromantic then driving home after you met up with a guy. I know this is a double standard- but she wants to feel special to you. She wants to feel like she's not putting you out of your way, like you want to pick her up.

 

This goes a long way.

 

You can easily find things around her town to do- google them. Or, any of the surrounding areas. The weather is starting to really warm up, there is SO much you can do.

 

If you ask her why she doesn't want to drive, she'll make something up. One guy asked me one time, and I just sad "I just don't like driving, but it's soo nice of you to pick me up. You're sweet."

 

I'm not saying she'll reject you because of this, i'm saying if you do like this girl - go the extra mile (or 15... ha ha). Coming from a girl who knows what this girl is talking about- if you want to redeem yourself, you could say something like "I'm picking you up because I get to keep you to myself for as long as I want"

 

What she said.

[Pfiend101]

it's 60 miles but the same difference I suppose. I have been a doormat in the past and was just trying to avoid it. Thanks for your replies.

[marsle85]

it's 60 miles but the same difference I suppose. I have been a doormat in the past and was just trying to avoid it. Thanks for your replies.

 

The line between being generous and a doormat is a very thin one. Give what is given to you. If you feel her intentions are not malicious or manipulative, be kind and give to her. The beginning of the relationship is often characterized by guy giving giving giving and the woman enjoying enjoying enjoying. Play it out a little. If she is gracious and sweet to you- she is enjoying it, and this will likely represent how you treat one another for the remainder of the potential relationship.

 

She will want to give back to you. I know it's small - but when the guy I was talking to wanted to make me dinner, I didn't expect him to pick me up, and I brought dessert. I made dessert for him. Little stuff, but the relationship will even out.

 

Ultimately, be the best person you can be- and trust in yourself. There is no reason to withdraw and not give openly if she is responding in kind. This is the foundation of a promising relationship.

[spookie]

if i wasnt sleeping with you yet, theres no way id drive 60 miles for a third date. i'd do my best to be a fun date if you came, but that early on, it's the man's job to chase.

[D-Lish]

If she's working on the weekend and you aren't, I'd wait to invite her up to see you on one of her days off during the week. If she has to work in the morning, it's hard to plan a night out an hour away.

 

It's NOT unreasonable to expect she should make an effort when she has a free day. If you work all day and she has a day off, she can come up and meet you after work during the week.

 

That's fair.

 

If she exhibits the behaviour of ALWAYS wanting you to come see her, dump her ass. It's indicative of a selfish princess.

 

There is nothing wrong with give and take in dating. I don't doubt you want to show her around your neck of the hood- that's reasonable.