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do all guy friends secretly want to f*** their female friends??


ImThinkingWTF

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ImThinkingWTF

ToThis is a rant....and I feel extremely violated.

 

A long time male friend of mine whom I have not seen for a year was passing through my city yesterday. The majority of the time I have known him either he, I or both of us have been in a relationship with someone else. We have never kissed or even flirted with each other. So, I figured he was not interested in me because I've never had any indication that he was.

 

Last night, he arrives at my house we catch up for a bit then head off for a few drinks. I admit to having one too many drinks and we ended up kissing at the bar. Something that I immediately regret. Not only because I'm not interested in him in that way but also because I've recently met someone that I really like and I'm not that kind of person

After the bar we come to my house and I tell my friend where he can sleep and I go in my room to talk to the guy that I like. Within less than 5 minutes my friend is in my room, I think he eventually gets the hint and leaves. Later, after I'm already asleep he comes back into my room and I'm awoken by him kissing me. I tell him that I want to get some water but he holds my wrists and keeps kissing me and being very rough and pulling my hair. Even though I'm not reciprocating he continues to do this. I could not get out of his grasp and try to run away several times but he kept pulling Me back. He is significantly larger and more muscular than most men.

 

I am really annoyed because I thought we were just friends and with all people you should be able to feel safe around your friends. This was a huge nightmare for me and now I find myself questioning all my platonic male friends. Is this normal? Should I confront my friend? I really feel like he would have raped me if I didn't finally get away. He kept trying to pull off my pants and kept saying stuff like "I want to make you scream " really creepy. To which I responded I'm not going to have sex with you. Ughhh i just feel so blah now. :(

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You were assaulted and you should definitely confront him. Or press charges.

 

I am so, so sorry for what you were put through and guys need to learn the word "No" MEANS exactly that.

 

He has broken the bonds of friendship and you should know that all guys do not act this way. I have a LOT of male friends with whom I have shared years and years of friendships and while they will tell me openly they are interested in me, still respect me when I tell them No.

 

I'm sorry your "friend" did not respect you in that way.

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Do all men want to f___ their female friends? Yeah, pretty much. Men--especially younger men--almosr NEVER go out of their way to befriend women unless they are attracted to them. Almost never. If a guy makes any effort at all to be your buddy, you can pretty much bet he's into you.

 

But you what? It doesn't matter that much. Men see women they find attractive walking down the street all the time, too. They don't don't go hitting on every one of them. As they mature, most guys come to recognize that the world is full of desirable women who, for any number of reasons, are not available to them. If your male friends are mature enough to take "no" for an answer and leave it alone, there is no reason you can't be friends with them.

 

The guy you described is just a jerk, plain and simple. I trust not all of your male friends are that bad.

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I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to you. First of all, he should no longer be your friend. Second, this is definitely a sexual assault situation...criminal in nature...go to the police if you choose...

 

Regardless of his status as a friend or whatever, he's a dirtbag and is certainly not a reflection of a normal average guy...this is just a bad individual...

 

But back to your question...if you are remotely attractive, then yes, your male friends probably have thought about wanting to sleep with you...whether they are willing to act on it...well, that just depends on a whole bunch of factors...but I'm sure a majority of them wouldn't object...

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YES. If all my female friends wanted to have sex with no string attach, i would. I would not make the move because they are friends, but if anyone of them say they wanted to just have sex with me then i would with out thinking about it.

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Chrome Barracuda

I'd say it's about 50/50. but what he did by holding you down by your wrists was wrong period. He shouldnt have been so aggresive with you.

 

Any man that finds a woman attractive and spent time with her, wouldnt turn down the possibility.like i said it's 50/50.

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ImThinkingWTF

I agree and I definitely don't feel comfortable being friends with him anymore. I just feel like I'm really gullible....most of my friends are men. And they are not people I'm interested in romantically. But now I'm seriously questioning their motives for being my friend. All guys aren't that sleezy...but I wonder if offered how many of my friends would be willing to throw away a friendship for a night of sex.

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Yep. Most of them anyway. There will rarely cases when we try to befriend you just to befriend you. Why do you think gorgeous women have so many friends? say, on facebook? is it because they have an amazing personality? that's part of it, a very small part of it. It's because she's hot.

 

This is just the way nature is.

 

And I also think you should never talk to this guy again. This is worth pressing charges over.

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He just seems like he crossed the line by not letting you go. I do not think all guys want to have sex with their female friends. I guess there can always be some tension you never know.

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All guys aren't that sleezy...but I wonder if offered how many of my friends would be willing to throw away a friendship for a night of sex.

 

 

Well this depends solely on the quality of your friends as individuals...how much they respect boundaries, how much they respect the friendship, and MOST importantly, how much they respect you...

 

It may end up being a matter of getting better friends...:o

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ImThinkingWTF

All of my friends are respectable and genuinely good people. Or so I thought.

 

Just because someone wants to have sex with their friend it doesn't automatically make them a bad person. This guy on the other hand is another story and he definitely crossed the line.

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sweetjasmine
You were assaulted and you should definitely confront him. Or press charges.

 

I am so, so sorry for what you were put through and guys need to learn the word "No" MEANS exactly that.

 

Absolutely. What he did was way, way over the line, and no one who was actually your friend - male or female - would ever do such a thing. This guy isn't like your platonic male friends. He's a total a-hole and probably a predator.

 

Most rape victims are raped by someone they know, and most rapists check out their victims and wait until the time/situation is right. They have to get you to trust them first. This guy was not your friend, but unfortunately there was no way for you to know that until that horrible sh-t happened to you. I'm so sorry you had to go through that and I agree with Carrie - confront him or press charges and then never speak to him again. Cut him out of your life. He's not your friend.

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First of all, sorry that incident occurred with you. That guy definitely crossed the line and you shouldn't talk to him anymore, let alone be around him. To answer your question though, yeah I think most guys would probably want to do their female friends deep down. Hey I'll be honest with you, I'm most likely the same way. You can call me a jerk or whatever, but I usually befriend women that I find attractive. If other girls want to be my friend I don't have any issues with that, but I probably won't go out of my way to be their buddy unless I find them cute or something. Perhaps I'm a little shallow, but I'm just being honest here. And if one of them wanted a one night stand or something...yeah I might go for it, who knows. But the difference between the guy that assaulted you and genuine guys is that they have control over their desires and won't jeopardize their friendship a girl because they're sexually aroused.

 

You shouldn't be afraid to make friends with guys though. Most dudes are decent people...just like most people aren't criminals. I think you just had a bad run it with some douchebag.

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No way. Some of my closest friends are girls, and if one of them came into my bedroom when I was sleeping and tried to have sex with me I'd be pretty horrified. Not in exactly the same way as you probably were in this situation though, since none of them are strong enough to hold me down. :laugh:

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shadowofman

I would have sex with any of my female friends that I'm sexually attracted to. I have several female friends that just don't do it for me though. But I'm taken, so this is not an option for me.

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Women are high maintenance compared to men.

Even having a woman as just a friend can be a pain in the ass because you need to talk to them.

 

I can road trip with a car load of guys accross state lines with the radio cranked & the only words you'll hear are "I'm hungry" or "I gotta pee"

 

I drove 40 mins. with one of my female friends & she didn't stop talking the whole way.

 

I also want to F-her.

But, I've told her this.

 

I know there isn't a chance in hell until I'm divorced & she knows i'm going to start dateing when that happens & i've promised her a spot on the rotation.

 

I've also told her if she isn't interested that i'm cool with that & won't stop being her friend. She just needs to realize whomever I am dateing will take presidence over her.

 

She hasn't said she does or doesn't want to date me & I havn't asked.

 

Actually, i've had the same conversation with all 3 of the women calling me up to talk.

 

Their still calling & havn't tried making me their gay shopping buddy yet so...

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"Yes". I generally don't invest time in being friends with someone unless there is some sexual chemistry. If nothing else, who wants to be seen in public with an ugly chick?

 

If you're both single, then you're usually playing with fire trying to be friends with someone of the opposite sex. Women seem to benefit most from these situations, because they have a man who gives them attention, but they don't have to give him anything in return. And the men mistakenly think that if they hang around long enough, they'll get a shot. This is especially common if the woman has a boyfriend. A lot of times we figure "Hey, let's be friends so that I have the inside track when you break up."

 

I think the only way a male-female friendship can truly work is if one (or both) of the people are married. Generally, you're still only going to be friends if there is some sexual attraction, but you both know that you're off-limits, so you can get some validation from the attraction but never risk acting on it.

 

All that having been said, the OP has nothing to do with being 'friends'. That guy sexually assaulted the OP, and there is never any justification for that. It's even worse because they had known each other a long time. Some men are just creeps, and that kind of behavior is unforgiveable, but the same thing could have happened with a guy you just met, so I don't think it has anything to do with being 'friends' with a guy.

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Jersey Shortie

OP, you were sexually assulted. This was not normal behavior. Even if all men want to have sex with all their female friends.

 

Does this mean that men in relationships shouldn't have female friends then?

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Does this mean that men in relationships shouldn't have female friends then?
If I were a woman, I would be very wary of new female 'friends'. I don't think it's unreasonable, if you're in an exclusive relationship, to mutually agree to not spend time alone with single people of the opposite sex. It may be completely innocent, but it may not be. Lawyers have a rule that they are expected to avoid even "the appearance of impropriety" in their client relationships. I think a healthy BF/GF relationship does the same thing.

 

Old friends are different. I've had female friends that I've known for 5-10 years and nothing has ever happened, even though we're mutually attracted. After awhile, I think men and women can settle into a brother-sister type relationship, but it takes time for both people to resolve themselves to that. I think it's also okay if you have ex-GFs that you are friends with, so long as you've been broken up for several years, so neither of you is pining. And "office wives" (or husbands) are fine, too. Most people aren't going to risk their jobs for a little nookie.

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sweetjasmine
If nothing else, who wants to be seen in public with an ugly chick?

 

Wow.

 

I guess I'm an idiot for being friends with people who aren't that good-looking. I'd better ditch them before they do further damage to my reputation.

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Yes, all guys want to or at least have a curiosity about banging their female friends.

 

Whether they act on it or not is another matter.

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SomewhatExperienced

I'm at 23 year old male and most of my friends are female. Yes, oftentimes I initially sparked conversation because I thought they were attractive and wanted to test the waters, but realized we'd be better friends (for various different reasons).

 

Despite this, these girls are real friends and I don't think about having sex with them. I would likely shoot them down if they came on to me and I thought it would ruin the friendship if we hooked up.

 

What your friend did to you was wrong and is not normal and should not be tolerated.

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Jersey Shortie
Wow.

 

I guess I'm an idiot for being friends with people who aren't that good-looking. I'd better ditch them before they do further damage to my reputation.

People who care about this stuff are really just reflecting their own insecurities with their looks SJ.

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For myself it depends on how I met the woman. If she had previously dated a friend even a few years back then that's a no go zone. No matter the circumstances for me she become nothing more then just another guy friend. Well a feminine guy friend but you get the point.

The same usually applies when meeting friends of my close friends unless she were to make an advance.

Now if I were to meet her on my own then yes I would if the opportunity arose.

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