xpaperxcutx Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 So I was on OkayCupid and I noticed I had another a number of views by various people but no new messages from anyone interesting. I'm starting to think I'm intimidating. On my profile I tried to tone down personal information but I wrote about my interests in fashion and makeup and my endeavors to become a personal trainer. I have listed that I'm looking for friends, short and long term relationships, and activity partners. Overall, I was brief yet very straight to the point. Am I boring? I noticed that the only guys that pm me are the ones that are are looking for a quick chat because they're bored and none of the guys I've talked to are substantial to want to pursue more. I'm confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny M Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 So I was on OkayCupid and I noticed I had another a number of views by various people but no new messages from anyone interesting. I'm starting to think I'm intimidating. On my profile I tried to tone down personal information but I wrote about my interests in fashion and makeup and my endeavors to become a personal trainer. I have listed that I'm looking for friends, short and long term relationships, and activity partners. Overall, I was brief yet very straight to the point. Am I boring? I noticed that the only guys that pm me are the ones that are are looking for a quick chat because they're bored and none of the guys I've talked to are substantial to want to pursue more. I'm confused. What makes you assume that it's the verbal description that makes your profile unappealing to those who failed to message you? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Personal training is about motivation, assertiveness and setting goals. I think those are admirable qualities in a person. I find similar qualities to be essential in business and developing lifelong relationships. Did you by any chance train my cat? He gets my ass out of bed at 6am every morning without fail. I'm free for lunch later this week, Thursday to be precise. How about some sushi? ------------------------- What happens next is you look at the profile, including photographs, and match what was said with what you feel when you look at the profile. This helps you decide how you define what is 'interesting' to you. When I look at dating profiles, I don't look at the canned stuff. I look at the prose. Can a woman draw a picture of herself without my seeing her photograph? Is there a soul there, even a tiny porthole to the essence of the person? BTW, I told you a little about myself in my fake response above. I shared. A woman who can share gets my attention. Big tits gets another guy's attention. Blond hair another's. We're all different. What are *you* looking for? Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 PM me a link to your profile if you're game. I'd be interested to see it. Link to post Share on other sites
homersheineken Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 PM me a link to your profile if you're game. I'd be interested to see it. Ditto. I critique profiles quite a bit Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 What makes you assume that it's the verbal description that makes your profile unappealing to those who failed to message you? Is this whole " guys are visual creatures" thing again? Well to be honest, I even posted 4 pictures on the site. I doubt it's my looks. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny M Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Is this whole " guys are visual creatures" thing again? Well to be honest, I even posted 4 pictures on the site. I doubt it's my looks. While I don't have all that much experience with online dating, I did open an account on Okcupid a couple of weeks ago and spoke to a few girls there. Speaking for myself, I can tell you that you couldn't care less what a woman writes in her profile, unless it's something totally stupid or annoying or sends out negative vibes (i.e. gold digger, spoiled princess, etc.) I would imagine most other people are the same way. I haven't seen your pics, so I can't make specific comments on your looks, but I can tell you that unless you are smoking hot, you will not hold universal appeal to every male out there. And obviously you are not smoking hot, because if you were, you'd be getting more messages than you have time read, from what I hear about online dating sites. So I wouldn't exclude the possibility that not every guy of Okcupid finds you attractive.... Link to post Share on other sites
marsle85 Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 I'll let you know what I think girly, shoot me a link. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
troggleputty Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Personal training is about motivation, assertiveness and setting goals. I think those are admirable qualities in a person. I find similar qualities to be essential in business and developing lifelong relationships. Did you by any chance train my cat? He gets my ass out of bed at 6am every morning without fail. I'm free for lunch later this week, Thursday to be precise. How about some sushi? ------------------------- What happens next is you look at the profile, including photographs, and match what was said with what you feel when you look at the profile. This helps you decide how you define what is 'interesting' to you. When I look at dating profiles, I don't look at the canned stuff. I look at the prose. Can a woman draw a picture of herself without my seeing her photograph? Is there a soul there, even a tiny porthole to the essence of the person? BTW, I told you a little about myself in my fake response above. I shared. A woman who can share gets my attention. Big tits gets every guy's attention. Blond hair another's. We're all different. What are *you* looking for? Fixed your post. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 While I don't have all that much experience with online dating, I did open an account on Okcupid a couple of weeks ago and spoke to a few girls there. Speaking for myself, I can tell you that you couldn't care less what a woman writes in her profile, unless it's something totally stupid or annoying or sends out negative vibes (i.e. gold digger, spoiled princess, etc.) I would imagine most other people are the same way. I haven't seen your pics, so I can't make specific comments on your looks, but I can tell you that unless you are smoking hot, you will not hold universal appeal to every male out there. And obviously you are not smoking hot, because if you were, you'd be getting more messages than you have time read, from what I hear about online dating sites. So I wouldn't exclude the possibility that not every guy of Okcupid finds you attractive.... Understandable. I get the words cute alot intermingled with a few hot occasionally but I never take a guy's comments seriously because well, a guy can comment all they want and it will eventually mean squat... Link to post Share on other sites
cooldudeinberlin Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Listen very closely.... DONT APPEAL TO OTHERS: 1.) how could you do this in a general, broad sense? 2.) would you even enjoy the response from a general broad selection? 3.) you only have to appeal to yourself, like yourself, be comfortable and confident who you are... if there are some that dont appreciate that or like that, who cares? You wouldnt know them anyway. Your title makes it sound as if you want to do something out of your element that isnt you to get more attention. Big mistake that will backfire. We should all strive to gain experience, wisdom and learn (i.e. evolve), but making changes or putting on an act to gain favor will never work and you may end up like what and whom you have become. Chances are, who you are are is exactly spot on. To get your profile to reflect your personality... be natural. use humor, dont make a huge laundry list of unrealistic wishes, be positive, drop hints of things you find fascinating and perhaps a few clues to some dreams and desires you have in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 I'm with CooldudeinBerlin. You say in your OP that you toned down your personal information. Why would you do that? I imagine you would want to stand out in on-line dating. Not only that, you also want to avoid "surprising" a guy on a first date. You also want to present aspects of your personality that guys will be able to engage with. I don't imagine a lot of guys can do much with "an interest in fashion". Example; I had a profile way back where I mentioned my interest in artificial intelligence (it was my interest of the month) and that got a lot of responses. Link to post Share on other sites
annxxdisaster Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 I haven't seen your pics, so I can't make specific comments on your looks, but I can tell you that unless you are smoking hot, you will not hold universal appeal to every male out there. And obviously you are not smoking hot, because if you were, you'd be getting more messages than you have time read, from what I hear about online dating sites. So I wouldn't exclude the possibility that not every guy of Okcupid finds you attractive.... My roommate scours the internet for dudes. She can get a fair number of responses, though...she normally initiates it all. And she is definitely not smoking hot. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny M Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 My roommate scours the internet for dudes. She can get a fair number of responses, though...she normally initiates it all. And she is definitely not smoking hot. That bolded part is key. She initiates. The OP, on the other hand, does not. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 I think it would depend on what you are looking for. If you just want sex partners, you amp up the sexual vibe in your profile but still stick to what you are interested in for that agenda. Being fake about it will only get you sex partners who might be into things you don't want to do. But if you're looking for serious relationship potential, might as well let it all hang out as to who you are and what you're about. Doing anything less will just get you wasting your time on people you're not really compatible with. It isn't about how many responses you get, its about getting the right people to respond to you. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Papercuts, no one gets who they really want online, thats just the way it is. Everyone looks for who they THINK they should get, which is usually 2 leagues above what they actually are. So all you can do is keep trying and weed out the guys that respond for who you want. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Fixed your postEvery man is different, as is the woman the 'big tits' are attached to. Blanket statements usually end up in assumptions But if you're looking for serious relationship potential, might as well let it all hang out as to who you are and what you're about. Doing anything less will just get you wasting your time on people you're not really compatible with.Yes, this is what I meant by 'prose' creating an image of who the person is. When I look at a woman's profile and it's essentially visual advertising, even if the pictures look nice, I move on because that presentation is a reflection of who she is and the care with which she presents herself and what she brings to the table. Of course, she will never lack for dates; plenty of guys who want that and don't care about the rest. I trust she knows this (by my age group anyway) so accept that my style would be incompatible and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
In_Repair Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Before you respond to anyone on OKCupid, do a search for them in the forum and see if they have posted anything. There are some F'ed up individuals running around on that forum, and you would never know it by their profiles alone. Link to post Share on other sites
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