What the heck do people talk about with strangers at a bar?

[teamzissou00]

I'd love a ladies perspective on this one, but guys feel free to answer too.

 

How are you supposed to chat up a girl you've never met in one of these places without seeming like a creep? You can go the Q and A route, ask the girl about herself and all that. But I'd imagine most girls get bored with that pretty quick.

 

Compliments in that setting, when she's probably gotten a ton already, probably seem a little douchey too.

 

I don't know. Girls, how do you like to be approached by guys in bars or clubs?

[jinx55]

I'll say this much...

 

If the girl is not attracted to you you arent getting anywhere.

If there is a slight attraction you better be damn funny and impress her with something other than how you look bc that alone is going to cut it for you.

If you are very attractive to her basically don't be a dick and you are in.

 

For the slight attraction I would put myself in this category most of the time id say im a 6/10 on the looks scale so I have to apply a bit more to get there attention and keep it. If you are just looking for a one night stand lie about yourself a little bit. If you are looking for a long term relationship its best to just bring something up that interests you and see where it goes from there.

[Tnerforireyeh]

It's an art, man, an art.

[AD1980]

I cant do it..I have a hard time approaching somebody i dont know and entering a long interesting convo with nothing to go on at all..

 

Luckily for me im not an attratcive Man so i dont even approach and put myself in position to get rejected

[teamzissou00]

You definitely need to look attractive to the woman, but often times its not purely about looks at all. It's all about confidence. A lot of guys who are objective 6's or 7's in looks will be great with girls if they're confident, but bomb if they aren't.

 

So they question is I guess, what the heck are they saying? I guess if you're confident it's easier to say funny things, since you aren't censoring yourself so much or overthinking it.

[Meadow Blue]

I'd love a ladies perspective on this one, but guys feel free to answer too.

 

How are you supposed to chat up a girl you've never met in one of these places without seeming like a creep? You can go the Q and A route, ask the girl about herself and all that. But I'd imagine most girls get bored with that pretty quick.

 

Compliments in that setting, when she's probably gotten a ton already, probably seem a little douchey too.

 

I don't know. Girls, how do you like to be approached by guys in bars or clubs?

"What pizza toppings do you like?" was voted the no. 1 pick up line in the entire world, because it's an open-ended question. Which leads to conversation.

[DustySaltus]

"What pizza toppings do you like?" was voted the no. 1 pick up line in the entire world, because it's an open-ended question. Which leads to conversation.

 

Please tell me you're kidding....

[mrkleen]

Please tell me you're kidding....

 

Agreed. Pick up lines are so lame, forget it.

 

The #1 pick up line, is no line at all. Just catch her eye – and say “hi” – a small, kind of intentionally awkward wave is good too. If she bites and says hello back – go over, ask her what her name is – where she is from – and just see how things flow.

 

If things are going well, offer to buy her a drink.

 

If they are going, OK - excuse yourself and head back to where you were after a few minutes and see if she follows or mentions that you should come back a bit later.

 

If she is clearly bored, don’t buy her a drink, don’t compliment her, don’t do anything except say “pleasure to meet you – hope you have a good night” and then go back to enjoying your night.

 

The key is just being casual, fun, easy going – and not really caring if it works out or not. Usually it wont – sometimes it will – but who cares really. It is all just good harmless fun. If you are feeling pressure about it, then you are doing something wrong.

[Meadow Blue]

Gentlemen...just to refresh your memories, the OP asked "What the heck do people talk about with strangers at a bar?"

 

The point of my post was that that "no.1 pick up line" isn't a stereotypical line. It's not intended to get a woman to jump you right there in the bar, or to go home with you. It's a conversation-starter about something regular that most people can talk about or relate to. It's just a regular question - but an open-ended one. Open-ended questions lead to conversation, otherwise known as "talking". That was the main point of my post. It was not my advice that the OP start asking every woman he meets what he favorite pizza toppings are.

 

Open-ended questions also lead to much more interesting conversation than "Where are you from?" A bar is not college, where people ask the same annoying, boring questions over and over again (Where are you from? What's your major? What do you do?). The worst is when someone asks where you're from, and then the conversation ends because the person that asked the question has no clue where you're talking about and they say something awkward. You don't want a Q&A session, you want conversation.

[mrkleen]

Open-ended questions also lead to much more interesting conversation than "Where are you from?" A bar is not college, where people ask the same annoying, boring questions over and over again (Where are you from? What's your major? What do you do?). The worst is when someone asks where you're from, and then the conversation ends because the person that asked the question has no clue where you're talking about and they say something awkward. You don't want a Q&A session, you want conversation.

Depends on how worldly you are and how easily you can connect the dots. I have traveled all over and can easily make a connection with nearly any place – that would both break the ice, and start us down a different road. Happens ALL the time.

[OnlyJake]

Depends on how worldly you are and how easily you can connect the dots. I have traveled all over and can easily make a connection with nearly any place – that would both break the ice, and start us down a different road. Happens ALL the time.

 

Not to be rude to the OP, but this made me laugh...if he can't make conversation with random people, I wonder how "worldly" he is. Maybe he's just shy. It's nice that you are able to do so with this particular question, but I think that what the OP should take from both your post and the post you took issue with is the open-ended question as conversation starter. OP should come up with his own repertoire of questions he can ask.

 

Dude, I grew up literally in the middle of nowhere. The closest city/town that people generally recognize is 2 hours away. If you asked me where I was from, and could actually make a connection, and didn't make idiotic assumptions that led to idiotic statements/questions, I would be very impressed.

 

I tend to agree that "Where are you from" is an annoying (and boring) question, but that is based on my experience, obviously, which has never been good.

 

I cringe when I get asked this question.

[Engadget]

I was singing Wild Rover loudly on St Paddy's day and a girl was happy someone else knew it, so we talked after that. I usually just talk about anything, start off with small talk until you click on a subject like music, food...whatever really.

[mrkleen]

If someone came over to me with a genuine smile and said hello – they could ask me the most ridiculous question in the world…as long as they were being honest and trying to be nice and polite. It isn’t a matter of WHAT you say, it is a matter of how you approach it. I have met many, many women in bars with nothing more than some confident small talk – which led to some jokes – which led to some shots – which led to calling a cab. It isn’t like they are all scripted, and I am sure I have said a few things wrong in every one of those conversations. The point is they were light and fun and honest. I wasn’t trying to be slick, was just sincerely interested in saying hello.

Edited March 19, 2010 by mrkleen

[teamzissou00]

Not to be rude to the OP, but this made me laugh...if he can't make conversation with random people, I wonder how "worldly" he is. Maybe he's just shy. It's nice that you are able to do so with this particular question, but I think that what the OP should take from both your post and the post you took issue with is the open-ended question as conversation starter. OP should come up with his own repertoire of questions he can ask.

 

Dude, I grew up literally in the middle of nowhere. The closest city/town that people generally recognize is 2 hours away. If you asked me where I was from, and could actually make a connection, and didn't make idiotic assumptions that led to idiotic statements/questions, I would be very impressed.

 

I tend to agree that "Where are you from" is an annoying (and boring) question, but that is based on my experience, obviously, which has never been good.

 

I cringe when I get asked this question.

 

Dude, you contradicted yourself while criticizing my question. You said it's easy to make interesting small talk with a stranger, and then went on to say one of the most common open-ended intro questions is annoying and boring.

 

Hence my question, what can you talk about that isn't annoying and boring.

[Green]

When I was single I never put much pressure on interactions with strangers in a bar.

 

First, anything I said to strangers was just conversational. I would talk to men and women, the only difference being I would flirt with the girls.

 

Stuff I would talk about would include current events (Tiger Woods) situational (music playing ect.) ... it really didn't matter what I talked about. Asking questions and flirting is probably your best bet. Making them laugh is great.

[OnlyJake]

Hence my question, what can you talk about that isn't annoying and boring.

 

Chill, I'm not trying to antagonize you, and I don't think it's a stupid question that you posted. I do think that it is presumptuous to assume that because one person has been everywhere in the world and is wildly successful at making connections and always knows where someone is talking about, that this means this will also work for you 100% of the time, and is the only approach you should consider.

 

Everyone is different. That should be obvious, and that is why I specifically included the modifier, In MY Experience. Clearly "Where are you from" works for the car wash guy. (I'm a girl) and I hate getting asked this question - in my experience a guy's response to my answer makes him look unintelligent, and completely unfamiliar with his own country's general geography. That's a turn off for me. It's not that the question itself is a turn off, it's that 100% of the time, the guy will say something dumb. Example of a typical scenario:

Guy: Where are you from?

Me: Names a state in northern New England.

Guy: Oh, but you don't have a southern accent?

Me: No one from my state has a southern accent. (or some variation)

Guy: Oh, but isn't State down by Georgia?

 

Which is why I said what you should take from the two posts, is to ask open-ended questions, not any particular question. It's good advice, I think.

 

For example:

 

If you're in a sports bar, and there's a game on, and you see the girl watching, probably that's a great opening for you to ask an open-ended question.

[Wallace1]

All you have to do to chat up girls in a bar is develop situational conversational skills.

 

Make jokes/comments/etc. about the bar/game/event or whatever you are currently in to strike up the conversation. There's no "one thing" that works, you just have to be socially aware, quick-witted, and nonchalant and you're good to go.

[New Again]

All you have to do to chat up girls in a bar is develop situational conversational skills.

 

Make jokes/comments/etc. about the bar/game/event or whatever you are currently in to strike up the conversation. There's no "one thing" that works, you just have to be socially aware, quick-witted, and nonchalant and you're good to go.

 

Exactly. And always be willing to walk away if something's not working.

[Johnny M]

I'll say this much...

 

If the girl is not attracted to you you arent getting anywhere.

If there is a slight attraction you better be damn funny and impress her with something other than how you look bc that alone is going to cut it for you.

If you are very attractive to her basically don't be a dick and you are in.

This is an accurate assessment. Whether the girl will be "creeped out" by your approach or get a "butterfly feeling in her stomach" depends less on what you actually say than on how you look.

[Johnny M]

I tend to agree that "Where are you from" is an annoying (and boring) question, but that is based on my experience, obviously, which has never been good.

 

I cringe when I get asked this question.

That's only because you grew up on a farm or in some anonymous small town in the middle of nowhere and are obviously insecure about it, as is evidenced by your fear of stereotypes and "idiotic assumptions". People who come from large cities (or people from small towns who do not share your insecurities) generally do not "cringe" when asked where they are from.

 

Nothing wrong with asking somebody where they are from.

[donnamaybe]

All you have to do to chat up girls in a bar is develop situational conversational skills.

 

Make jokes/comments/etc. about the bar/game/event or whatever you are currently in to strike up the conversation. There's no "one thing" that works, you just have to be socially aware, quick-witted, and nonchalant and you're good to go.

 

Yes to all of the above.

[sigurpol]

Although I'm not a gal,

 

Music has always been what I talk about. Someone puts on a song from those internet jukeboxes, I hear the song, and I ask them about it, and if they know any other bands that I list.

[OnlyJake]

That's only because you grew up on a farm or in some anonymous small town in the middle of nowhere and are obviously insecure about it, as is evidenced by your fear of stereotypes and "idiotic assumptions". People who come from large cities (or people from small towns who do not share your insecurities) generally do not "cringe" when asked where they are from.

 

Nothing wrong with asking somebody where they are from.

 

No, I'm not insecure about having lived in a small town at one point in my life.

 

I just don't like telling someone who's never even been to the state I'm from "I'm from near This City", and they insist I tell them the exact town, even though I know they've never heard of it; I tell them anyways, and they say "Oh, I've never heard of it." Yeah, no kidding. It's annoying and idiotic conversation.

 

No one actually gives a **** what town you're from anyways, unless you were born & raised in the same place and they're trying to steal your identity.

[mrkleen]

No one actually gives a **** what town you're from anyways, unless you were born & raised in the same place and they're trying to steal your identity.

 

Yeah, people hang out in bars looking to hit on you long enough to steal your identity....LOL

 

Paranoid much?

[single-n-lonely]

I am female and I think the best thing you can do is find common ground and talk about it. Whether it is music, movies, school, work, anything that is silimiar between you two. That way no one is lost!