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Are Paternity Tests Insulting?


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So, basically what I’m asking is if you guys think it is acceptable for a husband or boyfriend who doesn’t suspect cheating to just go ahead and get a paternity test as a matter of policy and safeguarding?

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If you're in a solid marriage or very good relationship, I think it would be nonsense. If you're not, you suspect the child isn't yours and you could be liable for child support by all means have it done...and then split up. If your relationship is so devoid of trust that you would find a paternity test necessary you shouldn't be in it.

 

If you don't suspect cheating, why in heaven's name would you do this? What has the world come to? Cue me in because I'm an old fart and I'm trying hard to keep up with the current generation.

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TouchedByViolet

Should everyone go on the Maury show as a matter of policy?

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threebyfate

Yup, I'd ditch my H, if he asked for a paternity test. He either trusts me or our marriage is over.

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Yup, I'd ditch my H, if he asked for a paternity test. He either trusts me or our marriage is over.

 

I second that.

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Given the tilt which exists in contested divorces and child custody battles today, I'd cover paternity issues (such as testing) in a pre-nup and receive proper legal advice to protect myself.

 

No reason IMO to test for paternity in a healthy and loving relationship. :)

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If you don't suspect cheating, why in heaven's name would you do this? What has the world come to? Cue me in because I'm an old fart and I'm trying hard to keep up with the current generation.

 

Well this is all hypothetical as of right now I don't have any one pregnant. Personaly, it would just make me feel good to have that little bit of control of 100% knowledge.

 

Should everyone go on the Maury show as a matter of policy?

 

No one would even have to know about a paternity test. For all you know you have friends who have done it.

 

Yup, I'd ditch my H, if he asked for a paternity test. He either trusts me or our marriage is over.

 

You don't even need to ask. He could just swab his mouth, swab the kids mouth and then send it away.

 

Given the tilt which exists in contested divorces and child custody battles today, I'd cover paternity issues (such as testing) in a pre-nup and receive proper legal advice to protect myself.

 

No reason IMO to test for paternity in a healthy and loving relationship. :)

 

What if you just feel like it?

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If the guy is ordering paternity tests even though he really-honestly doesn't believe there's any reason to doubt that he's the father...then it's that he's clueless as to what this particular medical test does. He may as well get tested for ovarian problems, while he's at it :rolleyes:. It's just ignorance of biology and medical tests, IMO. (Certainly not "insulting" to the woman, if this is the case.)

 

But if a man has genuine-serious concerns about whether or not he is the father then, for him, it is prudent to get the test done.

 

For normal-brained, average IQ males, wanting/doing a paternity test kind of is a HUGE indicator that he does suspect cheating. There is no reason to want/do a paternity test other than to confirm that his own is the sperm that was involved in conception...and not some other guy's.

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threebyfate

What I don't know, won't hurt me. But one thing's for certain. If he decends to this level of mistrust, it will most definitely hurt him and in the process, hurt the marriage.

 

If you don't trust your partner, time to ditch them.

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No, I don't. We are moving far too quickly into a society where no one has any respect for privacy, their own or anyone else's. They don't even have a concept of it. We've raises a whole generation of kids on random drug tests and random locker searches. We've trained them to be criminal suspects, not citizens.

 

The key is probable cause. If there is some genuine, credible doubt about paternity, then a test may appropriate. But widepsread, "just because" testing helps spread the toxic idea that everyone is a liar and a cheater, and no one should ever be trusted. Not a good idea.

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What I don't know, won't hurt me. But one thing's for certain. If he decends to this level of mistrust, it will most definitely hurt him and in the process, hurt the marriage.

 

If you don't trust your partner, time to ditch them.

 

I've never had a kid or got a woman pregnant. But hypotheticaly I'd like to get any kid I had tested, trust not even at issue. A woman could have a kid that was biologicaly mine yet still be cheating on me so all the test proves is that the kid is in fact the fathers.

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No, I don't. We are moving far too quickly into a society where no one has any respect for privacy, their own or anyone else's. They don't even have a concept of it. We've raises a whole generation of kids on random drug tests and random locker searches. We've trained them to be criminal suspects, not citizens.

 

The key is probable cause. If there is some genuine, credible doubt about paternity, then a test may appropriate. But widepsread, "just because" testing helps spread the toxic idea that everyone is a liar and a cheater, and no one should ever be trusted. Not a good idea.

 

and these are great points. I do live in a society where when I get hired even though no one suspects I'm a drug user, I get tested any ways. And the drug test only detects certain things. The same way that a paternity test won't necesarily prove that a woman isn't cheating on you. But it can prove that a kid is in fact yours.

 

But in the end people have to be trusted. Even with a paternity test there are so many things that still need to be trusted.

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A woman could have a kid that was biologicaly mine yet still be cheating on me so all the test proves is that the kid is in fact the fathers.

So you WOULD be suspecting cheating! In which case, yes, go ahead and order the paternity test(s)...and don't be surprised when your loving, faithful and devoted partner dumps you.

 

You initially asked, is it "acceptable for a husband or boyfriend who doesn’t suspect cheating to just go ahead and get a paternity test"?

 

And THAT is the question to which everyone is responding, I do believe.

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So you WOULD be suspecting cheating! In which case, yes, go ahead and order the paternity test(s)...and don't be surprised when your loving, faithful and devoted partner dumps you.

 

You initially asked, is it "acceptable for a husband or boyfriend who doesn’t suspect cheating to just go ahead and get a paternity test"?

 

And THAT is the question to which everyone is responding, I do believe.

 

I would get a pre-nup but I'm not hoping for the marriage to fall apart. If I truely suspected cheating I wouldn't care if the kid was mine or not. For me getting the test is just something to be done.

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threebyfate
I've never had a kid or got a woman pregnant. But hypotheticaly I'd like to get any kid I had tested, trust not even at issue. A woman could have a kid that was biologicaly mine yet still be cheating on me so all the test proves is that the kid is in fact the fathers.
Viable relationships are a combination of a compatible partner, trust, respect, like and love. If one or more of these elements is missing, guaranteed, this relationship or marriage is toast, if not now, then later but consider it gone or non-existent.

 

And yet, I see your point about safeguarding, since there are horrific women in the world, who would try to pass off someone else's kid as a way to hide her cheating and potentially, gain free child-support.

 

And yet, as a non-cheater, a pat test would horrify me, in that my H. believes that I would cheat on him. That I'm willing to trust him implicitly, only to find out that he distrusts me to this level, would kill our marriage.

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Viable relationships are a combination of a compatible partner, trust, respect, like and love. If one or more of these elements is missing, guaranteed, this relationship or marriage is toast, if not now, then later but consider it gone or non-existent.

 

And yet, I see your point about safeguarding, since there are horrific women in the world, who would try to pass off someone else's kid as a way to hide her cheating and potentially, gain free child-support.

 

And yet, as a non-cheater, a pat test would horrify me, in that my H. believes that I would cheat on him. That I'm willing to trust him implicitly, only to find out that he distrusts me to this level, would kill our marriage.

 

First off if the test didn't exist it would be a non issue. But the test does exist.

 

The entire legal system is geered toward women any ways. A child born into a marriage for instance is considered the legal child of the husband and unless you can prove you were away at war or something you will not be able to get out of child suport... Also a woman can just go get an abortion... finaly a woman can just give her kid up for adoption with out any consent from the husband. There is a thing called "safe haven" where if a woman leaves her baby at a hospital or firestation they can't ask questions and the father loses all rights. So yeah alot of trust goes into having a baby with a woman even if a paternity test is involved. And if it will make a guy happy to just get one why not let him.

 

I do realize why people would be so insulted by this. Maybe I was foolish to even bring this up. It would be very easy to just get a secret one done with out the mother ever knowing about it for ones personal satisfaction.

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It would be very easy to just get a secret one done with out the mother ever knowing about it for ones personal satisfaction.

Not "foolish" to bring it up at all -- super-smart and prudent of you to get others' views before you went and dumped this on an unsuspecting, faithful mother of your (future) child(ren). :)

 

But yes. Do it privately. Very, very privately and very, very secretly.

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TouchedByViolet
So, basically what I’m asking is if you guys think it is acceptable for a husband or boyfriend who doesn’t suspect cheating to just go ahead and get a paternity test as a matter of policy and safeguarding?

 

Green your OP doesn't make sense to me. If you trust someone why would you get a paternity test?

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threebyfate
And if it will make a guy happy to just get one why not let him.
I question why the guy needs this to make him happy.

 

I do realize why people would be so insulted by this. Maybe I was foolish to even bring this up. It would be very easy to just get a secret one done with out the mother ever knowing about it for ones personal satisfaction.
I'm going to say this one more time. If you don't trust someone, ditch 'em before even getting to the marriage part.
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I question why the guy needs this to make him happy.

 

I'm going to say this one more time. If you don't trust someone, ditch 'em before even getting to the marriage part.

 

I don't distrust a hypothetical woman, I just always wanted a paternity test.

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Are Paternity Tests Insulting?

 

Mother’s baby, father’s ...maybe.

 

There is a risk if you do not ask for a paternity test. Many men are unaware that they are raising kids that aren't their own. That can (and IMO should) be avoided. To be honest, I think I would want to know (not "only" trust) that I am the father.

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So, basically what I’m asking is if you guys think it is acceptable for a husband or boyfriend who doesn’t suspect cheating to just go ahead and get a paternity test as a matter of policy and safeguarding?

No, I don't think it's insulting in the slightest. There have been various studies done on the subject and apparently up to 20% of "fathers" are unknowingly raising another man's child. That's pretty scary if you think about it. So yes, men should be getting paternity tests as a matter of policy.

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make me believe

I would be incredibly insulted if my (hypothetical) husband wanted to do a paternity test. Even if he tried to claim that he trusted me and didn't think I was cheating on him. Why the need for the test if he allegedly trusts me?? Honestly, that would have a huge effect on our relationship and would most likely end it. Plus, I don't want to be with somebody who so bitterly thinks that every woman out there is potentially tricking some poor doofus into raising a kid who isn't his.

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Yup, I'd ditch my H, if he asked for a paternity test. He either trusts me or our marriage is over.

You'd ditch your husband and become a single mom simply because he wanted assurances that the child was his? I kind of doubt it...unless, of course, the child wasn't actually his.

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threebyfate
I don't distrust a hypothetical woman, I just always wanted a paternity test.
Then make sure you tell any woman you're going to get involved with, that this is something that's a non-personal necessity you have. This way, she knows what she's in for, right out the gate. What you'll find, is that there will be women who walk away, right out the gate. In this, that's not such a bad thing since it weeds out women who might try to pull the wool over your eyes. But the risk side is that you weed out women who are insulted by it. For every action, there's a consequence. Nothing is safe in life.
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