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My boyfriend has a really kinky fantasy...


pandagirl

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And it bothers me.

 

Last night my LDR boyfriend and I were late night sexting, when he started to reveal to me one of his fantasies which was VERY kinky. Now, I can be naughty, but I'm not dirty/kinky.

 

I went along with it, because it was just role playing and I'm pretty open minded. But this was really pushing it. It involved me being with another guy, and my boyfriend also engaging in sexual acts with the man.

 

I finally told him it was making me uncomfortable, and that it worried me that this is what he expected from a sex life, and if it was, I was the wrong woman for him.

 

Of course, he stopped talking about it right away, but he told me it was only pretend, but if I was into it, he'd probably do it. I got pretty upset and told him I was. Later he called me to say, "I hope you know you're the only person I want."

 

I'm pretty open-minded about sex, but this really hurt a nerve with me.... Like it's a red flag or something?

 

I'm NOT looking for comments saying he's gay or bi. I just don't have enough experience to know whether this implies anything negative about him.

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My boyfriend has a really kinky fantasy...

 

And it bothers me.

 

Last night my LDR boyfriend and I were late night sexting, when he started to reveal to me one of his fantasies which was VERY kinky. Now, I can be naughty, but I'm not dirty/kinky.

 

I went along with it, because it was just role playing and I'm pretty open minded. But this was really pushing it. It involved me being with another guy, and my boyfriend also engaging in sexual acts with the man.

 

I finally told him it was making me uncomfortable, and that it worried me that this is what he expected from a sex life, and if it was, I was the wrong woman for him.

 

Of course, he stopped talking about it right away, but he told me it was only pretend, but if I was into it, he'd probably do it. I got pretty upset and told him I was. Later he called me to say, "I hope you know you're the only person I want."

 

I'm pretty open-minded about sex, but this really hurt a nerve with me.... Like it's a red flag or something?

 

I'm NOT looking for comments saying he's gay or bi. I just don't have enough experience to know whether this implies anything negative about him.

 

Fantasy's are just that.. A fantasy...

 

It sounds to me tha he was just trying to spice things up as you guys were not face to face...

 

Fantasy=Pretend

 

Now.. if he wants to make his fantasy come true then he is not just into heating it up with a good fantasy and then is when the tables get turned..

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what if his fantasy had just been to watch you with another man, but not participate by doing sexual things to the other man?

 

I would be worried if I were you.

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Fantasy's are just that.. A fantasy...

 

It sounds to me tha he was just trying to spice things up as you guys were not face to face...

 

Fantasy=Pretend

 

Now.. if he wants to make his fantasy come true then he is not just into heating it up with a good fantasy and then is when the tables get turned..

 

He said he would do it if I wanted to, but that it wasn't "essential" to the relationship, that I satisfy him on my own.

 

It makes me feel...inadequate?

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txsilkysmoothe

Would you feel differently if it were another woman in the fantasy?

 

Is it about him being attracted to someone else or another gender? You can compete with another woman, but not a man.

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Would you feel differently if it were another woman in the fantasy?

 

Is it about him being attracted to someone else or another gender? You can compete with another woman, but not a man.

 

I don't know. I guess I was a little surprised that he wanted to be sexually with a man, but it doesn't actually bother me too much. Everyone's a little gay. haha. :laugh:

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Fantasy's are just that.. A fantasy...

 

It sounds to me tha he was just trying to spice things up as you guys were not face to face...

 

Fantasy=Pretend

 

Now.. if he wants to make his fantasy come true then he is not just into heating it up with a good fantasy and then is when the tables get turned..

 

Hmm. I agree, but only to a degree....

 

What if he had said "I have a fantasy of raping a girl and having my girlfriend watch". Or, what if he said he fantasizes about Necrophilia.

 

Fantasy or not, eff that! :eek::sick:

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What if he had said "I have a fantasy of raping a girl and having my girlfriend watch". Or, what if he said he fantasizes about Necrophilia.

 

Well.. those are still only fantasy's but I guess if the fantasy did involved some kind pain, blood or anything like hat then maybe one needs to take a second look into..

Now.. Necrophilia.. or the urge to crack open a cold one I would consider totally warped and there might be more at work than heating things up :laugh:

 

Regardless.. the OP's bf's fantasy didn't involve rape...

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Sexual role play as far as talk and fantasies often have nothing to do with what someone would REALLY want to do in RL.

 

So unless he becomes persisitant about it, I wouldnt give it another thought. If he brings it up again after you have told him it made you uncomfortable...he is either curious as to why it made you uncomfortable OR trying to get you comfortable because it is important to him. That would be a flag.

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He said he would do it if I wanted to, but that it wasn't "essential" to the relationship, that I satisfy him on my own.

 

It makes me feel...inadequate?

 

Forget it... if it doesn't make you feel comfortable then that rules...

I'm thinking that Anal sex with a lot of people may fall into those same type of fantasy's.

 

You are not inadequate..

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Well.. those are still only fantasy's but I guess if the fantasy did involved some kind pain, blood or anything like hat then maybe one needs to take a second look into..

Now.. Necrophilia.. or the urge to crack open a cold one I would consider totally warped and there might be more at work than heating things up :laugh:

 

Regardless.. the OP's bf's fantasy didn't involve rape...

 

Well if he wanted to put his you know what in a male's shooter pooter, that involves pain. Do you see where I am going with this....:laugh:

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Well if he wanted to put his you know what in a male's shooter pooter, that involves pain. Do you see where I am going with this....:laugh:

 

Err...it was more like the other way around!

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Ummm.......perhaps a pertinent question is for all the straight guys here. Ever had a fantasy of having sex with another man? Or in this case, having another man penetrate you?

 

I can't say I've ever known a guy who would admit to this. I'll give this guy the benefit of the doubt and say perhaps more men have this fantasy than what I assume. I assumed zero.

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And it bothers me.

 

Last night my LDR boyfriend and I were late night sexting, when he started to reveal to me one of his fantasies which was VERY kinky. Now, I can be naughty, but I'm not dirty/kinky.

 

I went along with it, because it was just role playing and I'm pretty open minded. But this was really pushing it. It involved me being with another guy, and my boyfriend also engaging in sexual acts with the man.

 

I finally told him it was making me uncomfortable, and that it worried me that this is what he expected from a sex life, and if it was, I was the wrong woman for him.

 

Of course, he stopped talking about it right away, but he told me it was only pretend, but if I was into it, he'd probably do it. I got pretty upset and told him I was. Later he called me to say, "I hope you know you're the only person I want."

 

I'm pretty open-minded about sex, but this really hurt a nerve with me.... Like it's a red flag or something?

 

I'm NOT looking for comments saying he's gay or bi. I just don't have enough experience to know whether this implies anything negative about him.

All I can come up with is that he's gay or bi. Sorry, I know that's not what you want, but that's true. A guy never tells her his sexual fantasy unless he's hinting at what he wants. Unlike women, men in general try to be more active on their sexual fantasies.

 

He tried to cover it up and say it was pretend and then said he'd probably do it if you wanted it? And then he tried to cover it up with a text saying, "You know you're the only one I want"? Sorry, I cannot beat around the bush. He's gay.

 

I'm damn sure he was getting horny during it and touching his pee-pee as he was sexing you. I'm apologizing a third time cuz I know you don't wanna hear it, but the dude's gay. Here's a thing about guys: when a guy starts talking about things he considers kinky to his girl, then he's hinting that's what he wants to do. He was actually hinting to you that he wants to do that.

 

There's a red flag here all right. It means now you have to watch out for him trying to hook up with other men in addition to watching out for him hooking up with females.

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I don't know. I guess I was a little surprised that he wanted to be sexually with a man, but it doesn't actually bother me too much. Everyone's a little gay. haha. :laugh:

 

If him bringing another person into the picture makes you feel inadequate already, its a HUGE red flag. He sounds like he really wants to do this. I you dont like the sound of this......you have a choice.

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Ummm.......perhaps a pertinent question is for all the straight guys here. Ever had a fantasy of having sex with another man? Or in this case, having another man penetrate you?

 

I can't say I've ever known a guy who would admit to this. I'll give this guy the benefit of the doubt and say perhaps more men have this fantasy than what I assume. I assumed zero.

There is a difference between having a fantasy and wondering what it's like. I've actually wondered what it would be like to try watersports with my gf, but I couldn't get it up, and was revolted in the end. On the other hand, I've fantasized about giving my gf a rimjob and I've gotten turned on about the idea.

 

See that's the difference there. I didn't fantasize about the first one, I was wondering what it would be like and I was turned off by it, stopped thinking about it, and don't have any wish to think any more about it. And I would never sext my gf about it cuz that's not what I want at all and I do not want her getting the idea that I do want it. On the other hand, I thought about the second one, got turned on by it, and I fantasize about it. And I have sexted my gf about it, hinting that's what I wanted to do.

 

See there's a difference between wondering about it and fantasizing about it. And once again, when a guy tells his gf his fantasy, he is most likely hinting to her that he wants to try it. I would never fake fantasize watersports with my girl because I do not want to try that.

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If him bringing another person into the picture makes you feel inadequate already, its a HUGE red flag. He sounds like he really wants to do this. I you dont like the sound of this......you have a choice.

 

He may want to do it, but I also know he would never make me do it.

 

As for the whole "he's gay." He's definitely not gay, perhaps he is bi-curious, and if that was the case, it wouldn't really bother me. Sex isn't black or white.

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He may want to do it, but I also know he would never make me do it.

 

As for the whole "he's gay." He's definitely not gay, perhaps he is bi-curious, and if that was the case, it wouldn't really bother me. Sex isn't black or white.

 

 

Be careful with those thoughts. My bi/gay husband did not for a happy marriage make. Had he told me up front, I would have run for the hills. But, some people are into more open relationships than I am!

 

If you're not looking to be serious with this guy, I don't think his curiosity should really matter.

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He may want to do it, but I also know he would never make me do it.

 

As for the whole "he's gay." He's definitely not gay, perhaps he is bi-curious, and if that was the case, it wouldn't really bother me. Sex isn't black or white.

 

Bi-curious is probably a fairly accurate description. As long as you are comfortable with this it is no biggie. Just decide what you are interested in and not interested in. Honestly, I was amazed at the number of my GF's who apparently give it to their men with strap on dildos. But as much as it amazes me it's going on in 95% of my friends bedrooms. So based on that knowledge I really don't think your BF is fantasizing about anything too off the wall.

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Be careful with those thoughts. My bi/gay husband did not for a happy marriage make. Had he told me up front, I would have run for the hills. But, some people are into more open relationships than I am!

 

If you're not looking to be serious with this guy, I don't think his curiosity should really matter.

 

I really don't think he is gay. I think what turned him on was the idea of me being with another man -- a common fantasy -- and him being submissive in the act.

 

As for us being serious, we are kind of serious already.

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I think that would make me really uncomfortable.

 

I dealt with a guy who was bicurious, and later it turned out he was much more into guys than I would have liked. I think there's also a slight correlation between bisexuality and bicuriosity in men and psychological problems. Purely anecdotal, but that's what I've noticed. Don't ask me why.

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Bi-curious is probably a fairly accurate description. As long as you are comfortable with this it is no biggie. Just decide what you are interested in and not interested in. Honestly, I was amazed at the number of my GF's who apparently give it to their men with strap on dildos. But as much as it amazes me it's going on in 95% of my friends bedrooms. So based on that knowledge I really don't think your BF is fantasizing about anything too off the wall.

 

Really...that is interesting. Actually, I heard one of my GFs talk about how she did it to her guy with a strap on and I was lie, "REALLY?" But maybe it's more common than I thought, especially since you say a lot of your GFs do it to their boyfriends.

 

Who knew?

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I really don't think he is gay. I think what turned him on was the idea of me being with another man -- a common fantasy -- and him being submissive in the act.

 

As for us being serious, we are kind of serious already.

 

Is this really a common fantasy for some men? Watching their girlfriend/wife

have sex with another man? I don't know, even the thought of my guy sleeping with another woman, irks the hell out of me, couldn't imagine it as a fantasy either. I would scratch both their eyes out, is that wrong? :lmao:

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Really...that is interesting. Actually, I heard one of my GFs talk about how she did it to her guy with a strap on and I was lie, "REALLY?" But maybe it's more common than I thought, especially since you say a lot of your GFs do it to their boyfriends.

 

Who knew?

 

I didn't know either. I'm 30 but dated a 40-something for a long time but my GFs are all 20 and 30 somethings dating in their age range. My thought was maybe 20-30 something men are just more willing to try out new things or are willing to spell out fantasies without discomfort. IDK. I mean all of my GFs have said this is something they do, that's like 20 GFs. So out of 21 of us I am the only one not doing it apparently.

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