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My boyfriend has a really kinky fantasy...


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Old 26th February 2010, 11:21 AM   #1
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My boyfriend has a really kinky fantasy...

And it bothers me.

Last night my LDR boyfriend and I were late night sexting, when he started to reveal to me one of his fantasies which was VERY kinky. Now, I can be naughty, but I'm not dirty/kinky.

I went along with it, because it was just role playing and I'm pretty open minded. But this was really pushing it. It involved me being with another guy, and my boyfriend also engaging in sexual acts with the man.

I finally told him it was making me uncomfortable, and that it worried me that this is what he expected from a sex life, and if it was, I was the wrong woman for him.

Of course, he stopped talking about it right away, but he told me it was only pretend, but if I was into it, he'd probably do it. I got pretty upset and told him I was. Later he called me to say, "I hope you know you're the only person I want."

I'm pretty open-minded about sex, but this really hurt a nerve with me.... Like it's a red flag or something?

I'm NOT looking for comments saying he's gay or bi. I just don't have enough experience to know whether this implies anything negative about him.
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Old 26th February 2010, 11:28 AM   #2
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My boyfriend has a really kinky fantasy...
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Originally Posted by pandagirl View Post
And it bothers me.

Last night my LDR boyfriend and I were late night sexting, when he started to reveal to me one of his fantasies which was VERY kinky. Now, I can be naughty, but I'm not dirty/kinky.

I went along with it, because it was just role playing and I'm pretty open minded. But this was really pushing it. It involved me being with another guy, and my boyfriend also engaging in sexual acts with the man.

I finally told him it was making me uncomfortable, and that it worried me that this is what he expected from a sex life, and if it was, I was the wrong woman for him.

Of course, he stopped talking about it right away, but he told me it was only pretend, but if I was into it, he'd probably do it. I got pretty upset and told him I was. Later he called me to say, "I hope you know you're the only person I want."

I'm pretty open-minded about sex, but this really hurt a nerve with me.... Like it's a red flag or something?

I'm NOT looking for comments saying he's gay or bi. I just don't have enough experience to know whether this implies anything negative about him.
Fantasy's are just that.. A fantasy...

It sounds to me tha he was just trying to spice things up as you guys were not face to face...

Fantasy=Pretend

Now.. if he wants to make his fantasy come true then he is not just into heating it up with a good fantasy and then is when the tables get turned..
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Old 26th February 2010, 11:30 AM   #3
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what if his fantasy had just been to watch you with another man, but not participate by doing sexual things to the other man?

I would be worried if I were you.
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Old 26th February 2010, 11:31 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by Art_Critic View Post
Fantasy's are just that.. A fantasy...

It sounds to me tha he was just trying to spice things up as you guys were not face to face...

Fantasy=Pretend

Now.. if he wants to make his fantasy come true then he is not just into heating it up with a good fantasy and then is when the tables get turned..
He said he would do it if I wanted to, but that it wasn't "essential" to the relationship, that I satisfy him on my own.

It makes me feel...inadequate?
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Old 26th February 2010, 11:32 AM   #5
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Would you feel differently if it were another woman in the fantasy?

Is it about him being attracted to someone else or another gender? You can compete with another woman, but not a man.
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Old 26th February 2010, 11:37 AM   #6
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Would you feel differently if it were another woman in the fantasy?

Is it about him being attracted to someone else or another gender? You can compete with another woman, but not a man.
I don't know. I guess I was a little surprised that he wanted to be sexually with a man, but it doesn't actually bother me too much. Everyone's a little gay. haha.
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Old 26th February 2010, 11:39 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Art_Critic View Post
Fantasy's are just that.. A fantasy...

It sounds to me tha he was just trying to spice things up as you guys were not face to face...

Fantasy=Pretend

Now.. if he wants to make his fantasy come true then he is not just into heating it up with a good fantasy and then is when the tables get turned..
Hmm. I agree, but only to a degree....

What if he had said "I have a fantasy of raping a girl and having my girlfriend watch". Or, what if he said he fantasizes about Necrophilia.

Fantasy or not, eff that!
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Old 26th February 2010, 11:43 AM   #8
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What if he had said "I have a fantasy of raping a girl and having my girlfriend watch". Or, what if he said he fantasizes about Necrophilia.
Well.. those are still only fantasy's but I guess if the fantasy did involved some kind pain, blood or anything like hat then maybe one needs to take a second look into..
Now.. Necrophilia.. or the urge to crack open a cold one I would consider totally warped and there might be more at work than heating things up

Regardless.. the OP's bf's fantasy didn't involve rape...
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Old 26th February 2010, 11:43 AM   #9
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Sexual role play as far as talk and fantasies often have nothing to do with what someone would REALLY want to do in RL.

So unless he becomes persisitant about it, I wouldnt give it another thought. If he brings it up again after you have told him it made you uncomfortable...he is either curious as to why it made you uncomfortable OR trying to get you comfortable because it is important to him. That would be a flag.
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Old 26th February 2010, 11:45 AM   #10
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He said he would do it if I wanted to, but that it wasn't "essential" to the relationship, that I satisfy him on my own.

It makes me feel...inadequate?
Forget it... if it doesn't make you feel comfortable then that rules...
I'm thinking that Anal sex with a lot of people may fall into those same type of fantasy's.

You are not inadequate..
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Old 26th February 2010, 11:49 AM   #11
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Well.. those are still only fantasy's but I guess if the fantasy did involved some kind pain, blood or anything like hat then maybe one needs to take a second look into..
Now.. Necrophilia.. or the urge to crack open a cold one I would consider totally warped and there might be more at work than heating things up

Regardless.. the OP's bf's fantasy didn't involve rape...
Well if he wanted to put his you know what in a male's shooter pooter, that involves pain. Do you see where I am going with this....
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Old 26th February 2010, 11:56 AM   #12
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Well if he wanted to put his you know what in a male's shooter pooter, that involves pain. Do you see where I am going with this....
Err...it was more like the other way around!
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Old 26th February 2010, 12:03 PM   #13
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Err...it was more like the other way around!
Oh my.

Hmm. So his fantasy is that the other guy who is boinking you, also boinks him?
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Old 26th February 2010, 12:09 PM   #14
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Ummm.......perhaps a pertinent question is for all the straight guys here. Ever had a fantasy of having sex with another man? Or in this case, having another man penetrate you?

I can't say I've ever known a guy who would admit to this. I'll give this guy the benefit of the doubt and say perhaps more men have this fantasy than what I assume. I assumed zero.
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Old 26th February 2010, 12:10 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by pandagirl View Post
And it bothers me.

Last night my LDR boyfriend and I were late night sexting, when he started to reveal to me one of his fantasies which was VERY kinky. Now, I can be naughty, but I'm not dirty/kinky.

I went along with it, because it was just role playing and I'm pretty open minded. But this was really pushing it. It involved me being with another guy, and my boyfriend also engaging in sexual acts with the man.

I finally told him it was making me uncomfortable, and that it worried me that this is what he expected from a sex life, and if it was, I was the wrong woman for him.

Of course, he stopped talking about it right away, but he told me it was only pretend, but if I was into it, he'd probably do it. I got pretty upset and told him I was. Later he called me to say, "I hope you know you're the only person I want."

I'm pretty open-minded about sex, but this really hurt a nerve with me.... Like it's a red flag or something?

I'm NOT looking for comments saying he's gay or bi. I just don't have enough experience to know whether this implies anything negative about him.
All I can come up with is that he's gay or bi. Sorry, I know that's not what you want, but that's true. A guy never tells her his sexual fantasy unless he's hinting at what he wants. Unlike women, men in general try to be more active on their sexual fantasies.

He tried to cover it up and say it was pretend and then said he'd probably do it if you wanted it? And then he tried to cover it up with a text saying, "You know you're the only one I want"? Sorry, I cannot beat around the bush. He's gay.

I'm damn sure he was getting horny during it and touching his pee-pee as he was sexing you. I'm apologizing a third time cuz I know you don't wanna hear it, but the dude's gay. Here's a thing about guys: when a guy starts talking about things he considers kinky to his girl, then he's hinting that's what he wants to do. He was actually hinting to you that he wants to do that.

There's a red flag here all right. It means now you have to watch out for him trying to hook up with other men in addition to watching out for him hooking up with females.
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