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my ex made me feel absolutely HORRIBLE today


shadowplay

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Bear in mind we only broke up for good before I started dating my new boyfriend (3 months ago), so I still have some residual feelings for him.

 

I had to see him briefly today to get a camera from him. Stupidly I asked him if he'd met anyone.

 

He told me that he had and that he was already in love with her. What got me is he told me he just met her yesterday for the first time (they were matches on OKCupid) and he was already in love with her and had already told her that. What hurts me so much is it took him a long time to "love" me and even then he was so emotionally stingy. And he meets some new girl and instantly falls totally in love with her?

 

Then I asked him what about he liked and he made it obvious in his description that he thought she was better than me in every respect.

 

And here's the worst part. When he described her as beautiful I asked him if she was prettier than me and he said "yes." (I have body dysmorphia so of course this is going to hurt.) I started tearing up at this point, and he said "I hate your body dysmorphia.") I asked him if she was A LOT prettier than me and he basically indicated that she was.

 

I started really crying and he was completely cold, and said that he didn't want to deal with me and got up and left.

 

I didn't think it would hit me this hard, but the pain I feel now doesn't compare to anything I've ever felt.

 

I feel so completely worthless. Did he really have to emphasize that this girl was better than me in every respect?

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why would you torture yourself that way?

 

Who broke up with whom?

 

It was mutual, and I thought we were on OK terms.

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SP... You asked him all the questions about her in the first place. Why?! He didn't even mention her til you asked!

 

He actually did slip her into conversation, that he had found somebody he was in love with.

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Seriously, I know I shouldn't have asked, but I don't think scolding me for doing it is really helping right now.

 

I feel totally awful.

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He did this only to hurt you. Total douchebaggery and I'd bet good money he hasn't met anyone and made all that up because he's hurt and angry at you.

 

Forget what he said and never speak to him again.

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He actually did slip her into conversation, that he had found somebody he was in love with.

 

Don't ask questions to which answers you don't want to hear.

 

Secondly, you're seeing a guy. He deserves your 110%.

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I'm sorry you're hurting. But I think the fastest way to get around this is to tell yourself that curiousity killed the cat this time, and you won't make the mistake of letting it do so again.

 

Also, yes, he sounds like a jerk. I wouldn't go and tell my exes all that, even if they asked.

 

Forget about him and concentrate on the current bf.

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Don't ask questions to which answers you don't want to hear.

 

Secondly, you're seeing a guy. He deserves your 110%.

 

I think it would have been hard for anyone not to ask when he mentioned that. Consider I was with him for 2.5 years. I shouldn't have, but still it was really hard.

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I think it would have been hard for anyone not to ask when he mentioned that. Consider I was with him for 2.5 years. I shouldn't have, but still it was really hard.

 

That's a long time, so I can see why it would be so hard. Sorry to hear about that. Your best bet is to move forward, keep things NC with the guy and focus on healing, taking care of you and getting ready for the next chapter of your life.

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You shouldn't ask questions you don't want the answer to, especially asking an ex. Especially the deadly questions

 

is she prettier than me?

does this make me look fat?

was she better in bed than me?

....

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OK, guys. I get it. I shouldn't have asked. I made a mistake, but the damage is done and I'm trying to just make myself not feel worthless.

 

The thing that hurts the most is that he fell in love with her after one brief meeting? After he treated me so coldly and unemotionally thorughout our relationship. I mean what does that say about me? I keep thinking if I were prettier he would have treated me differently.

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OK, guys. I get it. I shouldn't have asked. I made a mistake, but the damage is done and I'm trying to just make myself not feel worthless. .

 

Go treat yourself to something nice and spend some time with your new guy. He's probably waiting for you?

 

 

The thing that hurts the most is that he fell in love with her after one brief meeting? After he treated me so coldly and unemotionally thorughout our relationship. I mean what does that say about me? I keep thinking if I were prettier he would have treated me differently.

 

Looks matter; personality matters more - perhaps your personalities didn't click right? Still, you've got a guy. Make him happy.

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You seemed so concerned about too many "I love you's" and the like from your current bf. Maybe they are not so bad after all. Concentrate on your new bf and forget your ex. He's an ex for a reason.

 

I'm really happy for what I have now, but that doesn't mean this doesn't hurt a huge amount. I was with my ex for so long, and this just reopened those wounds.

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Looks matter; personality matters more - perhaps your personalities didn't click right? Still, you've got a guy. Make him happy.

 

Did you really have to write that? I know it's true, but it just makes me feel like crap right now.

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Did you really have to write that? I know it's true, but it just makes me feel like crap right now.

 

You're probably a very beautiful woman - so go get that guy of yours and feel appreciated :)

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Some of the responses to this thread are making me feel even worse. I'm sort of regretting starting it.

 

I know I made a mistake, but I'm just trying to get out of this horrible mindset.

 

I feel so awful. I haven't felt this bad in a long, long time.

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shadow, based on how he responded, it's blatantly obvious he intended to hurt. With this in mind, when someone means you harm, why internalize this crap? When someone can't balance their own perspectives, both positive and negative, they're going to focus on your negatives and blow them up to ridiculous proportions.

 

He specifically stated to you that "I hate your body dysmorphia". Does this sound like someone who can be objective about your looks?

 

Better to listen to people who have your best interests in mind.

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The thing that hurts the most is that he fell in love with her after one brief meeting? After he treated me so coldly and unemotionally thorughout our relationship. I mean what does that say about me? I keep thinking if I were prettier he would have treated me differently.

 

 

Everything he said was total BULL**** specifically meant to hurt you. He's probably still pulling his pud alone every night and PO'd about it.

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shadow, based on how he responded, it's blatantly obvious he intended to hurt. With this in mind, when someone means you harm, why internalize this crap? When someone can't balance their own perspectives, both positive and negative, they're going to focus on your negatives and blow them up to ridiculous proportions.

 

He specifically stated to you that "I hate your body dysmorphia". Does this sound like someone who can be objective about your looks?

 

Better to listen to people who have your best interests in mind.

 

Thanks, TBF. That actually makes me feel better.

 

I have to just keep reminding myself that there's something wrong with the way his brain works, and I shouldn't internalize his negativity.

 

It's weird because I thought I was totally over him until I saw him today.

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Thanks, TBF. That actually makes me feel better.

 

I have to just keep reminding myself that there's something wrong with the way his brain works, and I shouldn't internalize his negativity.

 

It's weird because I thought I was totally over him until I saw him today.

Yup, don't internalize his crap. If anything, since you're in love with someone else, it's very likely the ex was lashing out, due to his ego. You replaced him and he didn't like it. So if you let him get to you, you're playing into his game. Forget the baby.
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Everything he said was total BULL**** specifically meant to hurt you. He's probably still pulling his pud alone every night and PO'd about it.

 

Ha, I wish he had been lying, but unfortunately I think he was being honest about meeting that girl. I could tell by some of the details he mentioned and the fact that I know him. Who knows how accurate his description of her was, though.

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Yup, don't internalize his crap. If anything, since you're in love with someone else, it's very likely the ex was lashing out, due to his ego. You replaced him and he didn't like it. So if you let him get to you, you're playing into his game. Forget the baby.

 

I agree.

 

Forget about the dude. Focus on the guy your with. Hopefully, he will be understanding that you are still hurt and won't think anything of it. Sometimes we guys can be insensitive - hopefully, this new guy isn't.

Edited by You'reasian
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I agree.

 

Forget about the dude. Focus on the guy your with. Hopefully, he will be understanding that you are still hurt and won't think anything of it.

 

Yeah, I told him what happened and he was really understanding. He knows that I feel very little for my ex but that he hurt me a lot so this opened up old wounds.

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