relocate for love???????

[tami-chan]

So I am in Japan visiting a really sick aunt who is in the hospital. My other aunts decided that I should meet a friend of their's son. This is what I was thinking: "oh my gosh....they are "arranging" (my marriage)..LOL". Anyway, this friend and her son dropped by my sick aunt's room and I was casually introduced to the son-a doctor in the hospital where my aunt is confined. Good-looking, tall and yes, speaks fluent English-apparently he went to a prestigious medical school in the US (meh...so what ? LOL).

 

Anyhoo, we talked for a bit, mostly how he misses living in the East Coast. It was actually comical, since my aunts (all three very disturbed women in their late 60s-early 70s and his mom were all pretending not to listen but they were, except that they could not understand what we were talking about. Interestingly enough, he and I just sort of decided to speak in English, automatically-we could really have talked in Japanese, but heck, why make it easy for them?

 

So he invited me out to dinner. Dinner was good, conversation was flowing. It was very comfortable. We talked about how we both understood that we were being set -up, etc.etc. and joked about it! Anyway, I do not really think I should be wasting this guy's time, but at the same time I am treading on very sensitive family relations here and do not know how to tell him that because I do not see myself ever giving up my life in the US to be with him(or anybody else at this time, anyway), besides I feel a little disadvantaged already because I am divorced and have one child. To his credit, he seems very "westernized" in his thinking.

 

The only time I would ever seriously consider him is if he moves to the US- he can, after all, practice here. It is really weird to talk about this guy this way considering I have only been out with hm ONCE (the man is super busy), although we have talked several tmes on the phone. I am going home soon and he told me he would very much like to continue to get to know me better and hope I feel the same way. I am not really into LTR, especially if it means crossing a huge body of water in order to see him. But, he does come to the US several times a year for seminars and the like.

 

Jeez, I do not even know what I am asking you guys about.....LOL..but fire away your thoughts!

[Greenpeacer]

yes, stay in touch and drop lots of hints about

 

how you like him but you also love the freedom and

the snow that the East Coast USA offers.

so that its clear to him. and may be how women are not

as equal in Japan (if true).

[Twenty-ten]

He is probably thinking the exact same thing about you, minus the divorce part, so as much as the long term could mean all the things you mentioned, you are far from even thinking in those terms. Cross that bridge when it comes. It was only dinner.

 

Did he even ask you out again?

 

Also, next time you discuss getting to know one another is the prefect time to ask him what he would means by that because you do in fact live in the USA, have a child and have no plans to immobilize your child or move away to another country. Put the ball in his court since he is the one adamant to get to know you. You have time to see each other now but realistically where would this lead? Just be upfront with him.

Edited February 9, 2010 by Twenty-ten

[Stung]

It's probably a little too early to really be worrying about transatlantic relocation at this time; you have no idea what HIS thoughts are on the subject, and that's obviously more important than ours.

 

I relocated for my husband BUT I only moved across state lines and back to the area I was originally from anyway so I had local family and friends already...not the best example . Still, I was in mid-career change and had no kids at the time so I was flexible, I loved to travel, I would have moved a lot farther for him and tried on a whole new life. I love the adventure of that kind of move, personally. You are established in your field and anchored by a child, your not being open to relocation is perfectly understandable.

 

If you are interested in the guy go out with him again. If you're both into the idea of a LDR, see what happens. Talk to him about where he sees things going after you've got several more dates/conversations under your belt, set relationship goals as they're the only ways an LDR can last. In the meantime take care of your sick auntie and try to enjoy the change of scenery.

[meerkat stew]

No! No! Blow him off! Stick with your internet friends! We are the real deal, not some Doctor If you want to relocate, please come and live with me in my trailer park! I am a doctor also... a doctor of seduction and satisfaction!

 

You need a good American man, we eat lots of beef and it makes us stronger. He probably eats tofu and wimpy vegetables every day like a cow chewing its cud. You don't want that. We have giant trucks and tractors also to sport you around in style to the pro wrestling tournament.

[Stung]

 

You need a good American man, we eat lots of beef and it makes us stronger. He probably eats tofu and wimpy vegetables every day like a cow chewing its cud.

 

 

My enjoyment of tofu aside, man, don't you know where Kobe beef comes from?

[meerkat stew]

My enjoyment of tofu aside, man, don't you know where Kobe beef comes from?

 

Screw that Kobe nonsense, I've got eight heiffers out back packed up in boxes and I feed em malt liquor every day through a funnel, a case a piece. I call it King Kobra beef. 1/3 the cost of Kobe and twice as intoxicating. Working a deal with Western Sizzlin as we speak.

[skydiveaddict]

I think you kinda like this guy TC Maybe you can go out a few more times with him before you leave. And if it really starts to click for the two of you, invite him to the U.S for a visit. Then if he does that, and things start to heat up, you could approach the whole relocation thing at that time. Hell, he might bring it up himself

[OnlyJake]

Screw that Kobe nonsense, I've got eight heiffers out back packed up in boxes and I feed em malt liquor every day through a funnel, a case a piece. I call it King Kobra beef. 1/3 the cost of Kobe and twice as intoxicating. Working a deal with Western Sizzlin as we speak.

 

Do you give them massages too?

 

I have a fantasy about visiting Ireland, meeting some black Irish stud in a pub, falling madly in love, and relocating to Ireland to be with him and have all his Irish Catholic babies.

 

Some days I seriously think about just packing up and moving there, or to some other country, but then when I start looking at what it takes to actually get a work visa (I have bills to pay), I lose a lot of steam.

[alphamale]

never ever ever move for a lover

[EnglishMuffin]

Do you give them massages too?

 

I have a fantasy about visiting Ireland, meeting some black Irish stud in a pub, falling madly in love, and relocating to Ireland to be with him and have all his Irish Catholic babies.

 

Some days I seriously think about just packing up and moving there, or to some other country, but then when I start looking at what it takes to actually get a work visa (I have bills to pay), I lose a lot of steam.

 

That was my plan before I met my current bf. Stuck in the US again...hahaha.

[OnlyJake]

That was my plan before I met my current bf. Stuck in the US again...hahaha.

 

It's such a romantic idea...and such an adventure...even if I ended up single, there's gotta be several novels, memoirs, short stories, essays, SOMETHING in there.

[meerkat stew]

there's gotta be...SOMETHING in there.

 

Lots of Guiness and taters for sure!

 

Of course I massage my King Kobra Kattle, use a paint shaker for that.

[OnlyJake]

Lots of Guiness and taters for sure!

 

Of course I massage my King Kobra Kattle, use a paint shaker for that.

 

I <3 Guiness, I guess that just about has me sold right there!

 

What can I say, I see opportunity everywhere

[meerkat stew]

I <3 Guiness, I guess that just about has me sold right there!

 

What can I say, I see opportunity everywhere

 

Aww, who needs Ireland, just come visit me! We will feast on Guinness and Lucky Charms and get our taters from an old traditional Scotch Irish cafe we have down here called McDonalds!

[OnlyJake]

Aww, who needs Ireland, just come visit me! We will feast on Guinness and Lucky Charms and get our taters from an old traditional Scotch Irish cafe we have down here called McDonalds!

 

Deal! It's all the same after a few drinks anyways...see ya in a few hours!

 

To stay on topic - can we say I'm relocating for love? Love of beer?

[tami-chan]

Thanks for the responses!

 

Okay, first, I do think it quite weird to talk about this person this way-after ONE dinner and several phone calls...LOL! I think I even said that in my OP.

 

Second, this is not your "normal" meet and greet thing. Trust me, I have been vetted for him and vice versa by well-meaning family members, thus the sensitivity of the situation. This is not an "arranged marriage" thing but we still need to be very diplomatic about everything- nobody wants to insult or offend anybody.

 

Third, I know for a fact that his side of the family believes I am one very lucky girl if I end up with him ! Disturbingly, my side also feels the same way (except for my parents and siblings-who are too cool for that..lol:D). Obviously, I do not share their feeling, as I think this is not about who is lucky or not. I happen to believe it is not a big deal to be married to a doctor.

 

Fourth, I just came out of a blistering relationship---just really trying to navigate singlehood-to exhale....

 

Fifth, he is a chonan-which means, he is the oldest son and he has responsibilities so I know the chances of him relocating to the States is slim to none.

 

I guess, right now, my dilemma is how to tell him that "I am just not into you" without ruffling feathers ( family members'). For all I know, he feels the same way and is just trying to figure out how to tell me without hurting my feelings!