isitmeorhim Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 (edited) Ok so I ended up getting together with an old friend of my bros.When we were younger he useto sometime be harsh to me so IDK,LOL We are both adults here so its safe to say I dont need any comment on tht part of it,,just curious to know wht kind of interest he is showing here.. We hooked up intimately,unintentionally after hanging out once.I did afterwards let him know I wasnt interested in "buddies with benefits,He replied by saying "I am not looking for th either ,if I wwas I would jus got to a bar and hook up with someone...??? He texted me the first 2 weeks everyday called me once a week or so Asks me out on the weekend but not always keepin plan-he cancelled our first date to go out with his friend for his bday,which he claimed he 4got. (1 n 2nd date went well had good stimulating conversation)0Spent the night tht night but no sex..I LEFT EARLY THT MORNING AND HE GOT MAD CAUSE i didnt say bye ,Though I ddi say goodbye he just didnt hear me. Now its week three and we have only been out 2dates, spent more time @his house3visits he hardly texts me but when he does its to either go out or get something to eat.Lst Sunday I said ok by text and he didnt even respond back,so we never went.tht I didnt like but dont know if I should even address tht when we speak again. I dont call or text him at all except when returning to him 2 him or ever so often.This is only because I want to see if his effort is genuine have let him know he can call me to talk,, but he never doesT He never calls to talk ,only if he is about to pick me up to go out Never has complemented me Seems to always be out with his friends.Though cant blame him cause he single On our first actual date he asks me wht Im lookin for and I answered"weere jus gettin to know eachother now,but he didnt tell em wht he was lookin for,And I neither asked ..He always has made it apoint tht he has been thru some stuff in past ,but doesnt say much bout it.Though,he did tell me about one of his relationships SO.... thats jus a bit of it in pieces .I do not know if I should jus stop thinkin about it or what?/Advice or thoughts here please????????? TO ME:He seems to be sending mixed signalsor somekinds shield sis up,so I dont know how to act or jus drop it...??I dont wanna waste time here either way.Though I havent made effort either so ,,, Edited February 3, 2010 by isitmeorhim TYPO Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 Though I havent made effort either This is what I'm getting, too. lol. Question then would be what kind of interest are YOU showing? Not much, apparently. So he kinda tapered off. It's not too late to show him some genuine interest though. If he asks you out again, make it a great date on your part and get those sparks going again. It would be a good idea to invite him out sometime very soon as well. Hopefully the chemistry is still there, and you can show him what kind of relationship you want. But if he's lost interest already, and you are still interested, it'll be a different game. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 I'm curious... Why wouldn't you ask him what he's looking for? I see multiple advantages to this. 1) It shows that you are not someone who is merely waiting for him to make up his mind as to whether or not he wants to be with you. Instead, you would be cast as someone capable of looking out for herself in the dating world. 2) This is because if he told you he wasn't looking for anything serious, then you would know and would also know how to proceed (by starting to see other people for instance). 3) If, instead, he answers, like you, that he likes getting to know you, then you will know he likes getting to know you. Link to post Share on other sites
Twenty-ten Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 (edited) the problem is this: We hooked up intimately,unintentionally after hanging out once You gave him no reason to work for your affections you gave them to him on a silver platter with no expectations of him whatsoever, you have proven to him that he doesn't have to put any effort at all and he can have all of you. Why would he start making an effort now? I did afterwards let him know I wasnt interested in "buddies with benefits,He replied by saying "I am not looking for th either ,if I wwas I would jus got to a bar and hook up with someone...???Look not at what he says, but at what he does. People don't cancel first dates with people they are very interested in, unless an emergency happens. Asks me out on the weekend but not always keepin plan-he cancelled our first date to go out with his friend for his bday,which he claimed he 4got.Second date and he is already getting ticked off with you for insignificant things? Second dates people are all over each other on their best behavior and looking to impress. He is clearly too comfortable with you because the conquer is done. 0Spent the night tht night but no sex..I LEFT EARLY THT MORNING AND HE GOT MAD CAUSE i didnt say bye ,Though I ddi say goodbye he just didnt hear me.I don't see a good long term future for this, sorry. Edited February 3, 2010 by Twenty-ten Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 the problem is this: You gave him no reason to work for your affections you gave them to him on a silver platter with no expectations of him whatsoever, you have proven to him that he doesn't have to put any effort at all and he can have all of you. Why would he start making an effort now? I haven't ever followed the no-sex before exclusivity rule and only once did it bite me in the asz. Not that I have sex on the first date, just that I have sex when I want to and when I know I won't feel vulnerable as a result. As such, I steer clear of any approaches to dating that reduce a woman's 'all of her' to her sexuality. No, he doesn't have all of Isitmeorhim. Nor should she be rendered to feel even more vulnerable because she had fun with him. what's more, I've found that men aren't so much judgmental of women who have sex before commitment as they're judgmental of women who feel vulnerable because they've had sex before commitment. In other words, and this links to my other post: in my experience, men fall in love with women who show them they can take responsibility for themselves, act according to their beliefs, know their own boundaries and do no expect men to spend all their time reassuring them. That's why I would recommend that Isitmeorhim realize that she still deserves a man who will make an effort to seduce her, even if she's slept with him. If this guy isn't into getting to know you more (which is what you've stated you wanted), then move on. Simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author isitmeorhim Posted February 3, 2010 Author Share Posted February 3, 2010 (edited) First thingsfirst everyone is prone to make mistakes..Its has been a long time sinc i had been intimate with anyone.. Sex isnot all emotions,its noteverything I am now even more confused as to getting all theses various replies...!!!!Hut I do appreciate any feedbackTU Edited February 3, 2010 by isitmeorhim Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 First thingsfirst everyone is prone to make mistakes..Its has been a long time sinc i had been intimate with anyone.. Sex isnot all emotions,its noteverything I am now even more confused as to getting all theses various replies...!!!!Hut I do appreciate any feedbackTU Don't be confused! Just listen and use these opinions to form a new, better one of your own. Link to post Share on other sites
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