Multi-dating: Final thoughts, final choice

[tigressA]

It was, overall, a very positive experience. I met some really great, really different guys, and a couple of duds. I was able to see the dynamic between what sorts of things initially attract me (that usually turn out to not be good), and then what ends up growing on me later (that usually turn out to be the best), play out, particularly in regards to Guys #1 and #3.

 

As for my final choice, I axed Guy #3 once and for all. After some reflection it was clear that the things fuelling my attraction to him were really shallow, and that he seemed to be good at manipulating our situation to make it look as though his feelings for me were deeper than what was real. I realized that with the kind of person I am, he isn't fit for me as a potential partner--short- or long-term.

 

Guy #1 and I are still seeing each other. The emotional attachment is growing steadily--I'm thinking of him more/missing him when he's not around, my heart flutters when I see him, haha , all of that. I am going to focus on him from now on, but I haven't told him that yet. I'm going to tell him the next time I see him (tomorrow), but without bringing up relationship talk. That can happen another time. No need to rush.

[BobSacamento]

Why tell him something he already knows?

[SoulSearch_CO]

Why tell him something he already knows?

Are you guy #3?!

[Satisfaction]

Multidating confuses me. I keep forgetting stuff that they tell me and its hard to keep up with all the messaging.

How do you manage?

[neowulf]

Multidating confuses me. I keep forgetting stuff that they tell me and its hard to keep up with all the messaging.

How do you manage?

 

Note taking... lots of note taking

[SoulSearch_CO]

Note taking... lots of note taking

Does your date get offended if you whip the notes out during the date? I wonder if it's the same as cheating on a test.

[neowulf]

Does your date get offended if you whip the notes out during the date? I wonder if it's the same as cheating on a test.

 

No No silly.. *after* the date. You jot down the important points after!

 

And review before the date. The test *is* the date

[SoulSearch_CO]

No No silly.. *after* the date. You jot down the important points after!

 

And review before the date. The test *is* the date

Ah, gees. I'd hate to fail that test because I asked him how his sister was doing after her sex-change operation and he was an only child.

[gypsy_nicky]

TigressA did you feel any strong intimacy towards any of the men you multi dated?

 

 

Would you say that multi-dating is better than exclusive dating?

[Satisfaction]

Ah, gees. I'd hate to fail that test because I asked him how his sister was doing after her sex-change operation and he was an only child.

 

Even with notes its hard and it doesn't help if you have a busy lifestyle and tons of other stuff to remember too.

I suppose it saves time to date that way but in other ways it doesn't. Depends on what else you have going on, i suppose. I really hate that i haven't got enough time to date properly but tons of time to be heartbroken and get lonely.

[tigressA]

TigressA did you feel any strong intimacy towards any of the men you multi dated?

 

 

Would you say that multi-dating is better than exclusive dating?

 

I did feel strong intimacy toward both of the guys I mentioned in my initial post, who I saw more than once. At first I didn't think it would be possible, but it really is--at least for me. If Guy #3 had turned out differently, it would've been a really tough choice to narrow it down to one. I think if your intention is to find someone to date exclusively, you might find multi-dating difficult at times--I wouldn't do it again with that intention. But if you're not looking for exclusivity with any one person, then multi-dating can be a really fun experience overall.

[Crazy Magnet]

TigressA did you feel any strong intimacy towards any of the men you multi dated?

 

 

Would you say that multi-dating is better than exclusive dating?

 

 

I recently went on a multi dating spree as well. I had some feelings for a couple of the guys, but, in the end I had stronger feelings for one of them, and I went with that guy. So far, everything about him and the relationship has been great!

 

I wouldn't say that it was better, because I had to remember so much about so many people all the time! I would do it again in a heartbeat, whether I was looking to have fun or to find a long term partner.

 

Although (crosses fingers) I'm hoping that isn't the case for a long while!

[tigressA]

I wouldn't say that it was better, because I had to remember so much about so many people all the time! I would do it again in a heartbeat, whether I was looking to have fun or to find a long term partner.

 

I never had a problem with this at all. Maybe it's just me, but I don't understand how it would be so difficult to remember details about people.

[Itzo]

It was, overall, a very positive experience. I met some really great, really different guys, and a couple of duds. I was able to see the dynamic between what sorts of things initially attract me (that usually turn out to not be good), and then what ends up growing on me later (that usually turn out to be the best), play out, particularly in regards to Guys #1 and #3.

 

As for my final choice, I axed Guy #3 once and for all. After some reflection it was clear that the things fuelling my attraction to him were really shallow, and that he seemed to be good at manipulating our situation to make it look as though his feelings for me were deeper than what was real. I realized that with the kind of person I am, he isn't fit for me as a potential partner--short- or long-term.

 

Guy #1 and I are still seeing each other. The emotional attachment is growing steadily--I'm thinking of him more/missing him when he's not around, my heart flutters when I see him, haha , all of that. I am going to focus on him from now on, but I haven't told him that yet. I'm going to tell him the next time I see him (tomorrow), but without bringing up relationship talk. That can happen another time. No need to rush.

 

That's interesting ... being the selector, not the selectee

I love this strategy. I adore the way you handle things ... testing out different people, tweaking your choices and narrowing them down!

I am soo into this

[Crazy Magnet]

I never had a problem with this at all. Maybe it's just me, but I don't understand how it would be so difficult to remember details about people.

 

 

I should have staggered my first dates more. I'd have two or three in a row, it was an onslaught of information. It wasn't so much the little details that I would forget, but sometimes which person told which story would get confusing. Or I would forget what I told about myself to each one.

[gypsy_nicky]

Thanks.

 

I think I'll try this multi dating thing instead of investing in one person only.

[brock25]

I never had a problem with this at all. Maybe it's just me, but I don't understand how it would be so difficult to remember details about people.

 

I agree. To me, it's the same thing as meeting multiple people at a new job.

[tigressA]

So, I had the guy I'm still seeing over at my house last night. I had him meet my one housemate who still had yet to do so, and we were hanging out with her, another housemate, and one of their friends (all girls) for a little while, and then he had to leave. When I came back upstairs from saying goodbye to him, the girls said, "We think you should suck it up and talk to him about being exclusive, because he's totally adorable." I said, "I don't want to talk about it now...and I kinda want him to bring it up." They said, "He's just being really cool and sweet, giving you your space because you never told him you stopped seeing other people. You need to be the one to tell him." I guess they're right.