Patty Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I finally took the risk and called him.It turned out all good! He was happy I called and today he called me! His idea of a first date is for me to meet him in his apartment or him coming to my apartment.I get worried though.I mean if hes inviting me up to his apartment for coffee then thats ok or to watch a movie.Im just worried that he will want sex if I go to his apartment. My idea of a first date.A coffee shop for coffee or dinner and movie..And he told me to call him sometime in a week.So would it be ok if I called him up Wednesady and asks him what kind if things he enjoys doing? I just dont want him to think Im trying to control him on the first date of where we go,just the apartment thing Im worried about what might happen.Otherwise I want him to pick the first date. Link to post Share on other sites
BobSacamento Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 One, that is not a date. Two, he is putting a lot of the work on you. Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Why are you calling him at all? He should be the one pursuing you and NO you should not be going to his house. That is not a date. You should be offended that he even suggested some sh;it like that. I would not call him ever again! Link to post Share on other sites
Leia Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 If a guy asked me over to his apartment for the first time without going out on a date ... I would say; "Thanks but NO THANKS! Try another girl!" Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 That's not a date. That's a booty call. Don't go to his apartment He is tacky. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Im just worried that he will want sex if I go to his apartment. Noooooooooooooo...... Patty.. of course that is what he will want.. guaranteed.. I think you are setting yourself up here and he thinks you are a easy lay because you are coming on too strong.. Don't ever do a first, second or third date at a guys house unless you want to have sex with him. Make him work for you... Make him wine and dine you... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 If you like him just say you don't feel comfortable going to any ones apartments this early and that you should go out to the movies or to a coffee shop or park ect. Link to post Share on other sites
carolinawanderer Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Noooooooooooooo...... Patty.. of course that is what he will want.. guaranteed.. I think you are setting yourself up here and he thinks you are a easy lay because you are coming on too strong.. Don't ever do a first, second or third date at a guys house unless you want to have sex with him. Make him work for you... Make him wine and dine you... Ugh, no, to that last part. I don't know if you're a girl or a guy, but I'm a guy, and I HATE "chasing" women and having to buy them crap just to get them to like me. To me, it's about chemistry, or a lack of it. You should not have to "work" for someone. I do not expect women to do this for me, either. I don't mind paying for a date, but I refuse to be with anyone who will look to see if I do that to determine whether I'm "good enough." Now, as far as him inviting you over...I'd be suspicious, but even if he wants sex, it doesn't mean he ONLY wants you for that. If he makes an advance, refuse, and see how he reacts. If he is actually interested in you (and not just your body), he'll take it in stride and respect your wishes. Trust your instincts. Don't go to his place or invite him to yours for a first date if you feel that something is off. My advice is to suggest somewhere public. It's your call. Link to post Share on other sites
LDR Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I agree with the above posters. . . sounds like a booty call. Try to suggest another place, if he is really into you, he won't have any problem with it. If he puts on excuses, then you know what he wanted, and you get rid of a douche. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 and I HATE "chasing" women and having to buy them crap just to get them to like me. ....... wining and dining isn't buying them crap dude.. You can hate chasing all you want but if you want have a GF or a decent relationship with a woman you are going to have to chase a woman.. They don't just show up at your door and say "bang me" Link to post Share on other sites
carolinawanderer Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 ....... wining and dining isn't buying them crap dude.. You can hate chasing all you want but if you want have a GF or a decent relationship with a woman you are going to have to chase a woman.. They don't just show up at your door and say "bang me" Obviously. I'm talking about forcing the issue, or having a girl make a decision on whether to continue dating me or not based on how much I spend on them. I've gone on plenty of dates since my breakup, asked plenty of women out, I'm fully aware of how it works. But women who play hard-to-get sicken me. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkToes Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 ....... wining and dining isn't buying them crap dude.. You can hate chasing all you want but if you want have a GF or a decent relationship with a woman you are going to have to chase a woman.. They don't just show up at your door and say "bang me" Says the happily married guy. I honestly didn't know until I found this forum that a date at someone's house was an invitation to sex. But there is no way I'd do that for a first date. Link to post Share on other sites
counterman Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Yeah, going to someone's apartment on the first date... what else could it mean? Doesn't seem like a good idea. Just tell him that you're not comfortable with this and hopefully he can suggest something else. If he keeps pressing the apartment thing though, then just stop contacting him. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 But women who play hard-to-get sicken me. Just keep dating.. you'll get past the hating on your dates sooner or later.. Getting back out there and moving on is a process and it takes time.. Says the happily married guy. I honestly didn't know until I found this forum that a date at someone's house was an invitation to sex. Thanks Yeah...The other one is him giving her his number and asking her to call.... if she calls.. bingo... she's on the hook.. sex... Some guys will also give the girl their number and ask them to call just to gauge their interest and whether or not she is able to be caught.. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 It doesn't sound like this guy is very into you, and it sounds like you're doing most of the work. His idea of a first date is for me to meet him in his apartment or him coming to my apartment. = he doesn't have to spend any money or much effort (NO effort if you go to his place), and he has a good chance of getting laid. And he told me to call him sometime in a week. A guy who's into a woman and worthwhile at all will call HER, not tell her to call him. Again, he gets to sit back and do nothing. I wouldn't contact him again if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
conehead Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I'm 100% sure he wants to have sex with you. I was in the same situation once, he invited me to his house to watch a movie, but then it was a third date by then and not a first date. I actually agreed to it but then the next day I really started getting second thoughts like you because I wasn't ready for sex with him by then. So I called him and was honest with him, I told him I don't think I'd be comfortable going to his place yet and would prefer to meet for a movie at a theater instead. He was totally ok with it and respected my wishes. We dated for a year, it didn't work out, but he did truly love me. Link to post Share on other sites
bac Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I have never heard about the first date at his apartment. You are going to be a rare female who is going to do that. It sound exciting unless the reason that he can not leave his apartment is that he is in a weelchair. If you are sure that he does not have antisocial personality disorder, you have several options to expect if go for that. Anyway, to compare all options, the best wiil be to have sex with him. But I doubt that it may happen. IMHO, the most common reason why he asks you to have a date in an apartment is that he is a flake. He just expects that there is no girl in the world that would go for the first date at an apartment. He is sure that you say that there is no way you would do that. If you say that you would go for that, he would be confused and he might even do not open the door when you come. Link to post Share on other sites
Satisfaction Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 It doesn't sound like this guy is very into you, and it sounds like you're doing most of the work. = he doesn't have to spend any money or much effort (NO effort if you go to his place), and he has a good chance of getting laid. A guy who's into a woman and worthwhile at all will call HER, not tell her to call him. Again, he gets to sit back and do nothing. I wouldn't contact him again if I were you. and don't worry you will find another date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patty Posted January 30, 2010 Author Share Posted January 30, 2010 Went out on our first date and everything went well!We tallked alot and he doesnt seem like the pushy type at all.He admitted how happy he was to find me. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 It doesn't matter how great the first date was. This guy is a loser and you're going to figure this out sooner or later. Any guy who would suggest that a first date be at his apartment, and then tell you (again) to call him is about as dumb as they get. He has no concerns for women and you consistently go against your instincts - first with calling him because he told you to, and then going to his apartment (or yours). This is completely irresponsible behavior on your part when you barely know this guy. Just ask the woman who posted here about being raped because she went up to the guy's apartment. It is a nightmare that will stay with her for a very long time. No decent or thoughtful guy would ask this of a woman, he wouldn't ask her to go against her instincts, and he wouldn't tell her to call him. You're truly playing with fire here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patty Posted February 21, 2010 Author Share Posted February 21, 2010 (edited) He actually told me hes tried to pursue me for a year and I never knew it.He said he wasnt sure if I was shy.He has started calling me too.We are happy. Edited February 21, 2010 by Patty Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyDude Posted February 21, 2010 Share Posted February 21, 2010 I will say I have several first meetings at my place and it turned out to be a very nice evening. Movie Watching, Talking, Laughing, and Dinner and some light Cuddling. Plus it's the norm during this time of year in Philly because of the Cold Weather. Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyDude Posted February 21, 2010 Share Posted February 21, 2010 It doesn't matter how great the first date was. This guy is a loser and you're going to figure this out sooner or later. Any guy who would suggest that a first date be at his apartment, and then tell you (again) to call him is about as dumb as they get. He has no concerns for women and you consistently go against your instincts - first with calling him because he told you to, and then going to his apartment (or yours). This is completely irresponsible behavior on your part when you barely know this guy. Just ask the woman who posted here about being raped because she went up to the guy's apartment. It is a nightmare that will stay with her for a very long time. No decent or thoughtful guy would ask this of a woman, he wouldn't ask her to go against her instincts, and he wouldn't tell her to call him. You're truly playing with fire here. She is saying the night at his place went well and you are still criticizing her????? Link to post Share on other sites
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