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Old 10th January 2010, 11:32 PM   #1
abd
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girlfriend lying about credit card debt?

I was trying to install an application on my girlfriend's computer. While I was doing this, I noticed a couple of documents on the desktop. One was a rejection for a credit card application - she had mentioned wanting this card (I think for the rewards), so I was curious to see what it said. I opened it and it just had some generic info like "your score was too low", etc.

Then I noticed another document - a credit report from this month. I probably shouldn't have done it, but I looked through it. Now I'm concerned. From what I can tell, there are at least two credit cards with outstanding balances in the thousands of dollars (one is more than ten thousand). But my girlfriend has told me several times that she doesn't have any credit card debt.

If those balances aren't credit card debt, what else could they be? They're not student loans - she has those, and has told me about them, too. And if they are credit card debt, why would she have not said anything to me about them?
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Old 10th January 2010, 11:39 PM   #2
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You opened your girlfriend's private financial files on her computer without her permission?

Sounds like she should be the one questioning your honesty.
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Old 10th January 2010, 11:44 PM   #3
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You opened your girlfriend's private financial files on her computer without her permission?

Sounds like she should be the one questioning your honesty.
Yeah.. I agree..

oh.. the debt could be furniture.. old lines of credit.. car loans paid off by lines of credit...many things..
Even loans she might have had to take for school..

You have zero right to question anything on her credit report unless she asks you too.. for all you know those are on there from a previous relationship/marriage and she cosigned for someone.. etc etc..

If she did lie then she is embarrassed about it...and for what it is worth.. 10k is nothing in debt...

Just forget what you learned since you don't even know what the debt came from..
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Old 10th January 2010, 11:53 PM   #4
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Does this change your opinion of her? You really had no right to go and start viewing her finances. You have no idea what it is from, and there's so many people with debt.
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Old 10th January 2010, 11:58 PM   #5
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Yeah, you shouldn't have been snooping in her business. Maybe she thinks she'll have these debts paid off by the time the two of you marry? Or maybe she thinks there's no future with you anyway, so why reveal the truth? I don't know but she has obviously lied to you. That's a problem.
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Old 11th January 2010, 12:09 AM   #6
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But my girlfriend has told me several times that she doesn't have any credit card debt.
Maybe he shouldn't have been looking through her stuff, but I think that's a negative when someone flat out says they have no credit card debt. Come to find out, looks like she has a lot. It's one thing not to tell him it's a vast amount in credit cards, but to say none? I could see the concern, if she owes a lot and especially being dishonest about it. My ex was sort of like this, and come to find out he is very financially irresponsible.
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Old 11th January 2010, 12:09 AM   #7
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Look, I know it wasn't right to open up that stuff, but I finally let a desire to snoop get the better of me. Part of it is that I feel justified in doing so - a few months ago, she admitted searching through our apartment to find my diary and reading it. I had put it all the way in the back of a closet underneath loads of crap, and she essentially admitted spending hours searching for it.

I was pissed off to no end, so when I got on her computer today (she knew I was using it) and saw that stuff right out there on the desktop, I chose to look.

Also, we have some shared finances and we talk about finances fairly openly, which is why this is surprising.
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Old 11th January 2010, 12:13 AM   #8
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It doesn't sound like you have honest communication if you are both trying to snoop. And two wrongs don't make the second right.
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Old 11th January 2010, 12:15 AM   #9
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Also, we have some shared finances and we talk about finances fairly openly, which is why this is surprising.
This is a big problem and you kind of opened Pandora's box. I think you're going to have to bring it up to her now. This would be a near-dealbreaker for me. I can't stand lying, and I can't stand deceit about finances. It spells big trouble.
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Old 11th January 2010, 12:17 AM   #10
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Look, I know it wasn't right to open up that stuff, but I finally let a desire to snoop get the better of me. Part of it is that I feel justified in doing so - a few months ago, she admitted searching through our apartment to find my diary and reading it. I had put it all the way in the back of a closet underneath loads of crap, and she essentially admitted spending hours searching for it.

I was pissed off to no end, so when I got on her computer today (she knew I was using it) and saw that stuff right out there on the desktop, I chose to look.

Also, we have some shared finances and we talk about finances fairly openly, which is why this is surprising.
Your avatar is amusing. I picture that being you, while on your GF's PC snooping.
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Old 11th January 2010, 12:19 AM   #11
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Your avatar is amusing. I picture that being you, while on your GF's PC snooping.
Yeah, the sweat and all.
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Old 11th January 2010, 11:11 AM   #12
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It doesn't sound like you have honest communication if you are both trying to snoop. And two wrongs don't make the second right.
Totally agree. Your girlfriend spent hours snooping for your DIARY and dug it out of the back of the closet? What the hell?! I would have dumped her for that. You are both snooping on each other, and she has lied about her financial situation. Sneaking around and lying. How can this possibly go anywhere good?
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Old 11th January 2010, 11:20 AM   #13
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OP, if you're otherwise compatible and this is not a path leading to marriage, I'd suggest separating your finances and ceasing to inquire into or study her financial situation. If she asks why, tell her. If the relationship continues, it does.

Incompatible financial styles are a clear negative in a marriage situation. Unless something changes markedly, do not consider marrying her. FWIW, I did my stbx's taxes about three months into our dating period and knew all her 'business' clearly. She definitely had debt from her last M. We worked together to get it cleared up.

Pretty interesting that you had a written diary. That's rare for a guy IMO. Good luck
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Old 11th January 2010, 11:21 AM   #14
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What in the blue hell is this nonsense? She's snooping in your diary and white-lying about debt, and you're snooping around in her financial statements?

If someone snooped through my personal info like that without my permission, they'd be out the door. You guys need to focus more on your communication and trust issues than anything else.
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Old 11th January 2010, 11:26 AM   #15
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The OP and his girlfriend share financials, to what extent we do not know. If they have a shared credit card or bank account, her financial behavior impacts him and he has a right to know. That's a two way street. When they chose to combine aspects of their financial lives, they agreed to reasonable disclosure. She withheld disclosure. OP, do you and GF live together? Is the domicile owned? If no, is it rented in both your names? Just more evidence of combined lives (or not).
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