Roxanna Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 This will probably be long; thanks if you have the patience to read to the end. I am feeling blown off by my SO for 2 reasons: First earlier in the week he had invited me to dinner at his parents' house this Sunday (we have dinner with his parents several times a month). Late last night he basically uninvited me. He said that another relative (whom I haven't met) invited his family to dinner on Sunday; they accepted and his mom said I was still invited, but he didn't want me to go. He joked that he didn't want me to meet them until I had a ring on my finger. OK. Secondyesterday he said that he was looking forward to spending the whole day with me today. But then late last night he ALSO mentioned that he had told his friends he would go over for breakfast today and he made it sound like a guy thing. (Today I find out that the other guys' brought their wives/SOs and children.) I slept over last night and he wanted me to hang out at his place by myself today while he went and hung out with his buddies for a couple hours. He asked me what I was going to do. I said I was probably going to go home, because I had been planning on hanging out with him, and hadn't brought anything to do to his house. His response was that it would take me an hour to shower and get ready (it takes me about 20 minutes to do that, he's the one who takes an hour ); and that I could work out, read a book, get on his computer, do some cleaning (kinda joking), go to the store to pick up some things he need, or pick him up from his friend's house later and do errands with him. My response was "nope, don't think so." I got up after his friend picked him up, texted him that I was going home to do laundry, etc.; he said he'd call me later. A few hours later, when he got home, he texted me "Oh you really left?" And now he's acting all weird, like he's mad at me. I think he's acting like a baby, and I don't think there's anything unreasonable about my actions. I don't think I have anything to apologize for, or that we need to talk about anything (unless it's about his behavior). We have plans for later tonight with another couple and I'm concerned that he's going to continue acting "off" toward me. What's your take on this/what should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Peter Attis Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 Girlfriend, you need to dump that zero and get you a hero! Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyJake Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 It sounds as though you're reluctant to talk to him about this, so you're coming across as being more upset by the fact that HE'S upset when you feel he's in the wrong and not you, than you are by the fact that he's being disrespectful at worst and flaky, forgetful or unreliable at best. I think you should bring up all of this last minute plan changing if it bothers you. Otherwise, I think you should just have a good time tonight and not let his attitude get to you. Link to post Share on other sites
temple Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 Talk to him about it. If he's a man, he'll bite. If he gives you the silent treatment, lose the game-player. Link to post Share on other sites
sparkle Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 The first incident, with the change of family plans, seems understandable - i don't really see much wrongdoing to let yourself worked up over it. If he doesn't blow you off on a regular basis, then maybe its a misunderstanding and he doesn't realize how much it bothers you. I would calmly let him know how you feel, rather than let a possible misunderstanding turn into a bigger problem. But if he does things like this all the time, then its worth looking into more deeply. I'm not aware of the background or how long you've dated... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Roxanna Posted January 11, 2010 Author Share Posted January 11, 2010 The first incident, with the change of family plans, seems understandable - i don't really see much wrongdoing to let yourself worked up over it. If he doesn't blow you off on a regular basis, then maybe its a misunderstanding and he doesn't realize how much it bothers you. I would calmly let him know how you feel, rather than let a possible misunderstanding turn into a bigger problem. But if he does things like this all the time, then its worth looking into more deeply. I'm not aware of the background or how long you've dated... Well the first thing didn't bother me too much, I just thought it was rude. We've been together for a couple years, and his sister was bringing her bf of not-quite-a-year. The biggest reason this has annoyed me is just as someone else said: if anyone has a right to be annoyed it's me, but I'm not. So I don't want to deal with him acting like a baby for no reason. Me not wanting to bum around his house by myself when we were supposed to hang out (and everyone else was bringing their SO), and waiting around for him to get back when I could go home and get some stuff done instead is perfectly reasonable, and I think it's asinine of him to be mad over that. I was also annoyed (to be honest) that everyone else brought their SO (which he knew ahead of time), but he didn't want to bring me. Instead, he blew off plans with me to go hang out with his friends and suggested that I do his chores and errands for him, AND PICK HIM UP from his little get together. But anyways, last night he made one comment about how he couldn't believe that I went home instead of hanging out at his place for an hour (more like two or three ), and that he thought it was whack. I just said I couldn't believe he suggested I do his errands for him while he goes to play with his friends when we were supposed to be hanging out, and he didn't reply and he acted fine the rest of the night, instead of being pissy or moody. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 It sounds like to me that if you marry this guy, this is a foreshadowing of what you'll be getting - him going off to play while you stay home and raise his kids and clean his laundry. Personally, I think he's trying to piss you off and he's pissed that you're not taking the bait. Yes, you should be bothered by the things he has done and you should be saying something about it. Downplaying his rude and inconsiderate behavior is only teaching him to treat you with disrespect. You know, you can always bring up an issue without being confrontational or creating an argument - you just state how it makes you feel. If he doesn't care how it makes you feel or if that makes him mad, then you know you've got a serious problem. And I think you do. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 clearly by his actions you are not his priority and he takes you for granted in areas that says he's a jerk. what is appealing about a man that doesn't include you after two years of dating? why aren't you mad? you should be, and you should tell him. you've obviously trained him to treat you like an after thought, why is that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Roxanna Posted January 11, 2010 Author Share Posted January 11, 2010 It sounds like to me that if you marry this guy, this is a foreshadowing of what you'll be getting - him going off to play while you stay home and raise his kids and clean his laundry. Personally, I think he's trying to piss you off and he's pissed that you're not taking the bait. Yes, you should be bothered by the things he has done and you should be saying something about it. Downplaying his rude and inconsiderate behavior is only teaching him to treat you with disrespect. You know, you can always bring up an issue without being confrontational or creating an argument - you just state how it makes you feel. If he doesn't care how it makes you feel or if that makes him mad, then you know you've got a serious problem. And I think you do. Something to think about. This is more the exception than the rule though. One of his flaws is that he is forgetful. It's something we've talked about, and he's gotten a lot better about. He has a hard time saying "no" sometimes, and has a tendency to overcommit himself. It's not really a problem for the most part, because we all know how can sometimes be and we all still love him Plus, I always come first with him, and I know that I just have to say something and we can work it out. Sometimes I don't even have to say no, he realizes that he screwed up, and he fixes it. clearly by his actions you are not his priority and he takes you for granted in areas that says he's a jerk. what is appealing about a man that doesn't include you after two years of dating? why aren't you mad? you should be, and you should tell him. you've obviously trained him to treat you like an after thought, why is that? This doesn't happen very often. Generally he includes me in every aspect of his life, and in the last year of us dating I think this is the only time I wasn't included in his plans. It's usually assumed that I'm going when he has plans with friends, or at least that I have the option to go if I want to. Saturday night I commented on him uninviting me to dinner on Sunday. PS he's not the one who changed those plans, and he wasn't really in a position to say he wasn't going to go. When I brought it up he said I could go if I wanted to, but he was worried about what I would think if I went. The breakfast thing was a little bizarre; I'm not sure why I wasn't invited. The friend who's house it was at may not have wanted me there? He used to be one of my bf's good friends, but right around when we started dating they started hanging out less and less. I think in the last year this is only the second time they've seen each other. I could be wrong but I get the feeling that this friend might not care for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 (edited) Something to think about. This is more the exception than the rule though. If you think that, then great. Maybe you're right. But based on the things you've said, his behavior indicates that he has very little respect for you and that's a red flag. I'm not sure what being forgetful has to do with being considerate. Overcommitting is one thing, but basic courtesy says that you consult with your SO first before agreeing to things, or that you think of your schedule with your SO first. This doesn't seem to be in his range of thinking. Not inviting you to a family event after you've been together for so long is a big red flag to me. I think his excuse for this was very lame. I hope things work out for you but I'm concerned about his behavior. It looks to me like he's getting really comfortable and showing you his real self now. So, pay attention to what he's 'showing' you. Just know that what you see now, you can multiply it by 10 for when you marry because that's the way it'll be. Personally, I would be very cautious about marrying someone like this. Edited January 11, 2010 by Angel1111 Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 Oh dear-does this guy know that he has passed the age of 15? He's acting like an immature stupid guy and he clearly has absolutely no idea how he should be treating a girlfriend (either that, or he just disrespects you for fun-either way he sucks). Dump this idiot... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts