Scared to date guys who are too good-looking

[Ruby Slippers]

I am finding that I get intimidated when very good-looking men (well-to-do ones, too) hit on me. I assume that these men are more likely to cheat because they have more opportunity, are more likely to take women for granted because they know they can easily get another one, etc. Basically, I seem to pre-judge very attractive men pretty harshly! And I think I avoid getting involved with them in any serious way to protect myself.

 

Additional information is that my last boyfriend was very good-looking, and after telling me he wanted to marry me and have a family with me, he began to suffer from "commitment phobia". My boyfriends before him were all pretty good-looking, but not quite the very athletic head-turner that he was.

 

I am a little concerned that my fears may be holding me back from meeting a great man for me.

 

Any opinions on this matter?

[Awesome Username]

I have no help other than to say that I'm in the same boat, girlie.

[Ichi-boned]

http://www.livescience.com/health/080410-couples-beauty.html

[threebyfate]

Ruby, it doesn't matter how good-looking a person is, if they're going to cheat, they'll cheat, and if they won't, they won't.

 

I've been in relationships with some pretty good-looking men. Only one cheated on me.

 

Judge a book by its moral standards.

[Bejita463]

Basically, I seem to pre-judge very attractive men pretty harshly!

 

It is my experience that this is what makes...

 

I assume that these men are more likely to cheat because they have more opportunity

...this untrue.

 

 

I'm not a gorgeous guy, but I seem to be decent enough to draw those same suspicions.

[Woggle]

You probably won't ever be attracted to average looking guys either so your best bet is too stay single. Accept the fact that commitment is not for you and embrace a single life.

[AD1980]

I agree women should stay away from godo looking guys theyll cheat on you

 

Stay with ugly men:o

[threebyfate]

But people have to realize, that all kinds of people cheat, no matter how they look. I've seen some cheaters on LS, who are pretty good-looking. I've also seen some butt-ugly ones too, and pretty much everything in between. It's all in how you cope with relationship stress and whether you have defined boundaries of ethical behaviour.

[b52s]

I am finding that I get intimidated when very good-looking men (well-to-do ones, too) hit on me. I assume that these men are more likely to cheat because they have more opportunity, are more likely to take women for granted because they know they can easily get another one, etc. Basically, I seem to pre-judge very attractive men pretty harshly! And I think I avoid getting involved with them in any serious way to protect myself.

 

Additional information is that my last boyfriend was very good-looking, and after telling me he wanted to marry me and have a family with me, he began to suffer from "commitment phobia". My boyfriends before him were all pretty good-looking, but not quite the very athletic head-turner that he was.

 

I am a little concerned that my fears may be holding me back from meeting a great man for me.

 

Any opinions on this matter?

 

YES, FINALLY....a woman who is scared to date a man that's good looking.....that's the kind of woman that would be compatible with me.

[temple]

I think you need to resolve these anxieties on your own - has this guy ever given you good reason for you to suspect he may cheat on you, besides the fact he's just good looking?

[Goodin]

I think it would be a shame for you to rule out all good looking men because of your insecurities. There are plenty of good looking guys out there with high moral standards who would not cheat. If you decide to date one just take it slow and get to know them...after some time if you feel like he is a cheater then get outta there.

 

I usually go for the above average but homely looking girls for the same reason..well, also, it seems the really good looking girls are a pain in the arse.

[lino]

This seems to be a problem that only you can solve on your own.

[Sam Spade]

Don't date good looking guys - you're a mess and as somebody else said you will sabotage those relationships soon or late.

I'm speaking from experience on this one - my ex (who, in my opinion was just as good looking as me), was convinced that I will cheat or have cheated already; none were true, but she eventually succeeded in convincing herself and, ta-da, sabotaged the relationship.

 

Now, I wouldn't date women that are TOO good looking either, but for entirely different reasons - they're typically used to non-stop attention from men, and considering that even the average women have more demands and expectations than they are worth, the really hot ones are typically entitlement queens; either that, or they're extremely insecure that guys only want them for their looks. Either way, on average it simply not worth it.

[Ruby Slippers]

I think people are best paired with others who are in the same physical range and who also have the same level of confidence. My grandmother always said "make sure he loves you more than you love him", I think the woman knew what she was talking about.

Yes, I think you're right. I figured out when I was a teenager that a girl is much better off dating a guy who's a little more into her than she is into him, for so many reasons.

 

My first boyfriend was very attractive, and his friends would hit on me and try to entice me to stray. My second boyfriend was cute but not a knockout, and his (nerdier) friends would be very nice to me and talk to me, but didn't have the confidence to hit on me. (Oh, except for one of them -- the lady's man, haha -- he made a blatant move and I shut him down. And I am still friends with one of the shyer guys, who is married now.)

 

This dynamic was definitely in play with the last guy I dated. Though for me he wasn't a keeper, being with him reminded me of why the guy being more into the girl than the other way around works.

 

The good news for me is that I often have somewhat unconventional taste when it comes to looks. For instance, I think Mr. Bean (Rowan Atkinson) is a superhottie, mainly because he's so brilliant and funny. I realize he doesn't fit most people's idea of sexy, but I still want to marry him. I don't prioritize looks high on the list. Intelligence and strong character are much more important to me. Yes, I admit that the couple of flings I had in the past were with very "hot" guys. But I knew within minutes that these guys could never be relationship material for me.

[Vertex]

I prioritize someone's intelligence/personality/etc over everything else... even if someone's absurdly hot but just doesn't cut it elsewhere, I just don't find them intimidating. A hot person who is also smart, though... can't help you there. I'd find that intimidating (but not enough to scare me off)

[Ruby Slippers]

I prioritize someone's intelligence/personality/etc over everything else... even if someone's absurdly hot but just doesn't cut it elsewhere, I just don't find them intimidating.

Yes, I feel the same way. A sexy but dumb guy is not intimidating, as I know that could never be enough for me and I wouldn't see him as long-term material.

 

But a sexy and smart and emotionally smart guy quickly raises the pulse.

[monkey00]

I think the status quo depends on what the other is looking in the mate. I've noticed and know girls who were burnt/hurt in the past by very good looking men, or have shortcomings going for them are often looking for kind and understanding men that are not as attractive. It's also due to part assumption that they'll provide security and stick around and will be less likely to stray as opposed to Mr. Hottie.

 

But I would agree that in most LTR, people's choice of personality trumping looks is common.