Mediocre first dates from Online dating sources

[CarrieT]

So I have gone on roughly six dates in the past 12 months from various dating sites (okay, all of them: OKCupid, eHarmony, Match, Plenty of Fish, and Craigslist).

 

It is obvious there is some attraction in our pictures and initial correspondence or we would not have bothered meeting up, right?

 

Well last night sort of hit home that all of these first dates have utterly failed. Is it expecting too much for a guy to acknowledge a girl's appearance? I have not had anything as basic as a "gee, you look nice tonight."

 

And it seems that I drive the dialogue almost entirely but that it is rarely anything more interesting than movies or travel. I ask the guys about their lives (or jobs or interests), but don't feel as though they care to get to know me.

 

I am no spring chicken! Being 45 years old, it isn't like I am dating teenagers who have no experience. These are grown men so I am now wondering if I am expecting too much to have a little spark.

 

Every time I go on one of these Non-Dates, it sets me back several months to the point of, "why bother?" Looks like I will have to continue with my FWB for the occasional physical connection because there has been no decent prospects from any of the sites and I am just about ready to give up.

[mammax3]

Hi Carrie.

 

Dating is a numbers game. 6 failed dates isn't really that high a number, although I understand that it feels particularly bad because it's spanned a year.

 

Have you tried participating in activities or groups of interest? meetup.com has lots of different groups - book clubs, dinner clubs, ice skating, museums, astrology, poker, the list is nearly exhaustive.

 

Maybe there's too much pressure on these poor men and they can't think straight. Or, maybe they're just boring and you would do well to find someone in a more casual setting as I mentioned.

[thegreatmoose]

Well last night sort of hit home that all of these first dates have utterly failed. Is it expecting too much for a guy to acknowledge a girl's appearance? I have not had anything as basic as a "gee, you look nice tonight."

 

And it seems that I drive the dialogue almost entirely but that it is rarely anything more interesting than movies or travel. I ask the guys about their lives (or jobs or interests), but don't feel as though they care to get to know me.

I'm often not sure whether to comment on appearance on a first date. Some women like it and some don't like it. Do they even comment on a body part like saying you have nice eyes or something like that?

 

Them not asking questions about you is not very good though. I always ask about her on a first date.

[b52s]

So I have gone on roughly six dates in the past 12 months from various dating sites (okay, all of them: OKCupid, eHarmony, Match, Plenty of Fish, and Craigslist).

 

It is obvious there is some attraction in our pictures and initial correspondence or we would not have bothered meeting up, right?

 

Well last night sort of hit home that all of these first dates have utterly failed. Is it expecting too much for a guy to acknowledge a girl's appearance? I have not had anything as basic as a "gee, you look nice tonight."

 

And it seems that I drive the dialogue almost entirely but that it is rarely anything more interesting than movies or travel. I ask the guys about their lives (or jobs or interests), but don't feel as though they care to get to know me.

 

I am no spring chicken! Being 45 years old, it isn't like I am dating teenagers who have no experience. These are grown men so I am now wondering if I am expecting too much to have a little spark.

 

Every time I go on one of these Non-Dates, it sets me back several months to the point of, "why bother?" Looks like I will have to continue with my FWB for the occasional physical connection because there has been no decent prospects from any of the sites and I am just about ready to give up.

 

I think there's no "spark" typically because it IS online dating...I think there is some kind of nervousness or "performance anxiety/jitters" that might get in the way of a spark possibly happening.

 

It's like you two meet,and you're not looking at each other blinking "Now what?"

 

lol

 

That's how sometimes I felt.

[CaspianDreams]

I've had enough failed first online meetings (don't even call them dates - because they're not). That said, I have found that going out a second time with these people a second time (well, not if they were creepy or scary), generally helps quite substantially. I think that there is a general nervousness to a first online meeting. Basically, give some of the "ok" ones a second chance - worst case scenario you say no at that point, but you might be very, very surprised with how things change...I certainly have been.

[boogieboy]

Carrie guys dont comment on a womans looks because its an alpha male tactic. Either that, or they just dont like the way you look. I know you dont want them to lie to you. Plus you know that even if they said that, it wouldnt matter if the spark wasnt there. You keep running into guys that are either awkward or really arent interested...since they dont escalate the conversation. But 1 date every 2 months, is not enough to find someone for that spark. You have to do at least 1 a week to have a reason to give up. People rarely even find that spark from someone online anyway. Really have to do it in person.

 

Youre not expecting too much asking for a spark, but you are trying to squeeze blood from a stone with 6 dates in a year and expecting anything.

[CarrieT]

Thanks, Caspian -- but in the case of all the dates I have been on, not only am I not interested in a second date but the guys never want one either (except those I made the mistake of sleeping with on a first date but then all they want is sex).

 

Last night's was simply the most dramatically bad of the bunch and even though I sent a nice note thanking him and stating that I didn't think we should see each other again, this most recent guy actually sent a response about how bad the date was for him as well -- something I didn't exactly expect.

[b52s]

except those I made the mistake of sleeping with on a first date but then all they want is sex

 

Duuuh.