! My love is not interested in making love.

[msbliss]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half; we have our fights, but we share an incredible amount in common and I think about our future at times. He loves me and treats me better than any man I've ever been with...but the sex is just not there. I've talked to him about my concerns a couple of times (we have sex maybe once a week), and the discussions have placed a stigma on our sex life.

 

When we do have sex it's great...the problem is that he never really wants to. I feel like my needs are legitimate and I try to engage him sexually and he tells me point blank that he is not interested.

 

At first, I felt unattractive and voiced this to him and he told me I was being silly. We had a rough patch in our relationship about 3 months ago and during that time sex was an issue, but I reflected upon the situation and I understand now that he is not interested in me physically when our minds do not connect positively. And I respect that, and no longer try to make advancements on him after an argument (even though I am a personal fan of makeup sex).

 

I know he is not with anyone else, but is it worth my time (I'm only 23) to settle with someone that has SUCH a lower sex drive than I? I'm not a nympho by any means, but I do appreciate sex. Is it hopeless, or should I seek other alternatives, i.e. toys & masturbation, in order for our relationship to last?

 

Is it possible to get rid of the stigma we've created? Before this post we got in a huge fight and I said some childish things and he said that he felt like I was commanding him to sleep w/ me or else I would punish him with my attitude (which can be quite vile).

 

WHAT DO I DO? I love the boy, but I need to feel sexually fulfilled to be happy in a relationship. I need some guy advice and female wisdom!

[carolinawanderer]

I'd feel your pain if I were you in your situation. I have a high sex drive as well. (Being single is awful!)

 

Could he be interested in activities other than actual intercourse? Maybe try to engage him in those. At least it's something.

 

You could also try finding out what connects you to him emotionally. Talk to him about it, and do those things. He might be more willing to have sex with you after that.

 

Look at it from this perspective - I've always noticed that sex is better, at least for me, if you don't do it every single day. It's more fun.

 

Once a week IS a bit low, though. I wish I had some better advice for you.

[Angel1111]

Honestly, you sound very immature. These fights the two of you have have probably eroded your relationship to the point that he has little interest in you anymore. You do not need to be making advances toward him about sex while it's such an issue. You need to drop the topic completely and let him come to you. And he may be so disillusioned with you that he can no longer feel that way. I think that your personalities are too far apart and trying to make it work is just a waste of time. If the two of you have too much conflict now, then you're always going to have too much conflict. I think his pulling away from sex is his way of pushing you away in the hopes that you'll leave. Or he may just be confused and doesn't know what to do, but he can't ignore his lack of feelings.

[aerogurl87]

Msbliss I know exactly how you feel as my boyfriend and I usually only have sex once a week (but then again, that's because we usually only see each other once a week for the most part) but I digress. What I think you should do is try doing some non sexual things with your boyfriend that he enjoys and makes him feel closer to you. I know with my boyfriend if we don't just cuddle together on the couch or play around with each other, he's less likely inclined to want to have sex (although he's never flat out refused my advances). Also find out what makes him happy in the bedroom. Is it dressing up in some lingerie (I highly recommend a sexy corset with garters and stockings), or doing some sort of foreplay he greatly enjoys? Find that out and your sex life should be good. Or maybe he just has a low sex drive in general and if that's the case then you have to either accept it or move on.

[New_Life08]

Is there any chance at all that he is gay? It happens.

[msbliss]

I probably have pushed him away because I over talked the problem. Perhaps talking about it made him feel like I thought he was less of a man.

 

And I don't think he is consciously pulling back from sleeping with me, I think he just has a very low sex drive...to use his words. BUT, because I talked about it so much it's gotten worse. Is asking him to sleep with me more selfish? (as ridiculous as that sounds that a serious question)