Too Clingy?

[DarkestChapter]

Hey guys,

 

Well, I asked a girl out in one of the classes I’m taking in university and we had our second date last Friday, and it went amazing. After the first date, we instantly connected and we had a great time, so I kissed and hugged her goodbye. Last Friday we went out for the second time, and it went even better. She invited me to her place after and we made out and hugged on her bed... When I decided to leave I told her that I’ll really missed her, and she said I’ll miss you too and she hugged me tightly goodbye. So yeah, I really am into this girl and she seems really into me as well. The only thing that’s unfortunate is that she went to the states (I’m from Canada) to see her mother for 2 weeks during the holidays, then she’ll return. I called her yesterday to wish her a good trip since she left yesterday night but I called while she was in the car with a family member while she was going to the airport, so the conversation was really brief and very reserved. I’m just wondering, is it too clingy if I contact her at Christmas to see how she’s going and wish her happy holidays again, or should I give her some space for a bit and contact her a little later, like during New Years? Or should I not contact her at all and see if she contacts me? I wish that conversation went a little better, I shouldn’t have called that late. The last thing I said to her was “I really look forward to seeing you after the break, I hope you have a good break” and she replied saying “thanks, happy holidays, bye”. I guess I’m being too paranoid since she was with a family member in the car so it’s normal for her not to say much.

 

Any suggestions?

[Miko]

Talking on the phone can be weird so I generally don't like to do much of it at all until it happens naturally. Text her on Christmas and go on with your life 'til you hear back. "Merry Christmas Angel" Something like that

[make me believe]

I agree, a nice "Merry Christmas, hope you're having a great visit" text, or something similar, would be good. I'd leave the calling up to her while she is away visiting family.

[boogieboy]

She was probably aloof during the call because she wasnt ready to tell the person in the car that she was dating someone. Dont call her, you made the last call, let her call you nnow. If you call/text her now it will be clingy.

[lecasanova]

For me, personally, i feel it is quite weird talking with anyone i love around my family members. also, do keep in mind that perhaps she hasn't told her family members yet, thus, the awkwardness.

 

and you should wish her merry christmas and a happy new year too. it's only fitting if you ask me. don't let such ideas of clinginess affect the way you two treat each other on such special occassions when you're both seperated. and don't play that waiting game. i've been there too often to know it never works out. i always believe that the person who makes the first contact is always the more willing and commited to a relationship never ever limit your love to her. just keep giving. but when she turns complacent, that's when you have all the right in the world to ignore her and play the waitin game with her as you have been showering her unconditionally with love for such a lon time.

 

thus in conclusion, do contact her and wish her well during christmas and new years. but in such a situation where she seemed rather uncomfortable speaking around her family members, i advice you to send her a text message instead. remember, you two have only been on two dates and she probably han't told her parents yet. do update me on how things go yeah!

 

Also, if you need any relatonship advice, you could check out my blog in my signature below. cheers and take care (:

[boogieboy]

i always believe that the person who makes the first contact is always the more willing and commited to a relationship never ever limit your love to her. just keep giving. but when she turns complacent, that's when you have all the right in the world to ignore her and play the waitin game with her as you have been showering her unconditionally with love for such a lon time.

 

 

Keep giving love after two dates, and you will send her running for sure.

[DarkestChapter]

Thanks for all the help guys. I'm really torn between me waiting for her to contact me, or just contacting her myself. I want to contact her because I feel like I'll miss her, but I also want to contact her to see her response and maybe redeem myself for the last phone call we had. I really don't know what to do though, these past two dates have gone absolutely perfect. I've never been attracted to a girl this much emotionally and physically and really do not want to screw this up. My rationale is because we've gotten physical pretty fast I should probably atleast email her, who knows, she might even think I'm not into her anymore if I don't email her during christmas atleast. But, I'm unsure, maybe she'll think I'm already starting to get clingy on her after two dates and disrupting her privacy. I kind of want to see if she'll contact me first... I'm really undecisive.

 

Thanks for the help so far everyone.

[boogieboy]

Dont call her...give her some space. If you call her you will surely come off as clingy. You alred ymade last contact, she can contact you now. When she does, THEN you show her your enthusiasm. Dont crowd her while shes away, let her miss you.

[DarkestChapter]

Dont call her...give her some space. If you call her you will surely come off as clingy. You alred ymade last contact, she can contact you now. When she does, THEN you show her your enthusiasm. Dont crowd her while shes away, let her miss you.

 

Alright cool, thanks for the help boogieboy, I'm going to fight the urge and not call her. If she doesn't end up contacting me these two weeks do you guys think that means that she somehow spontaneously lost interest in me?

[DustySaltus]

Alright cool, thanks for the help boogieboy, I'm going to fight the urge and not call her. If she doesn't end up contacting me these two weeks do you guys think that means that she somehow spontaneously lost interest in me?

 

YES.

 

Early on in the dating process if a woman sees value in you they will stay in contact with you in some way when they go away. In my experience even if they went out of the country I would get an email or something OR in some cases I would get nothing. It's very easy for her to take a step away from her family during the holidays to give you a quick call. I agree with boogie, it's on her at this point.

 

And in the future try to wait a little longer before you say "I miss you", it's only the second date. That can come off as Stage 5 clingerish.

[DarkestChapter]

YES.

 

Early on in the dating process if a woman sees value in you they will stay in contact with you in some way when they go away. In my experience even if they went out of the country I would get an email or something OR in some cases I would get nothing. It's very easy for her to take a step away from her family during the holidays to give you a quick call. I agree with boogie, it's on her at this point.

 

And in the future try to wait a little longer before you say "I miss you", it's only the second date. That can come off as Stage 5 clingerish.

 

I agree with that. Under normal circumstances I would have never said that. But things got heated on her bed and I felt an urge to say it. The response I got was favourable though, she started hugging me and kissed me more and then rested her head on my shoulder.

 

So, if she doesn't end up contacting me during these two weeks, you guys really think she lost interest in me, even if these two dates went great and we have so much in common?

[DustySaltus]

So, if she doesn't end up contacting me during these two weeks, you guys really think she lost interest in me, even if these two dates went great and we have so much in common?

 

YES, as I said she'll let you know she's thinking about you.

[Madelf]

YES, as I said she'll let you know she's thinking about you.

 

I agree. For a woman, there's nothing more un-sexy as a man who is ill-at-ease with himself, and who manages to convey that feeling in his actions. It just doesn't inspire respect that when the going gets tough, they'll be there for you.

Edited December 23, 2009 by Madelf

[DarkestChapter]

I appreciate the help everyone. I know this is getting tedious but I have one final question. I'm pretty confident that she will contact me during the break, I left a great impression and did nothing wrong. BUT, let's assume she doesn't, should I contact her then? Before I left she asked for my school schedule and she noticed that I share two classes with her after the break. Also, I'm in a heavy metal band (my only source of income at the moment) and on our second date I took her to one of the venues I frequently play at to check out some local bands. She later found out that I have a gig the first week that school starts after the break and asked if she could come, and I said yes.

 

Under these circumstances, should I not contact her at all after the break if she doesn't contact me?

 

Again, I'm sorry for flooding you guys with questions, this girl just seems perfect for me and I need all the advice I can get.

[make me believe]

Wait a second. If this girl doesn't contact him during the break then DC is to assume that she isn't interested and move on, based on the advice here. But wouldn't she do the same thing then if he doesn't contact her?? Honestly, I think everyone is WAAAAYYY overthinking this!! If I had gone on a couple of really great dates with someone and went away over the holidays, I'd be so happy to get a Merry Christmas text from him! If I didn't hear from him at all, I'd be confused.

 

DC, if you don't contact her during the break (and I still think you should...) and she doesn't contact you, I think it would be perfectly fine to text or call before your show and ask if she's still interested in coming.

[DustySaltus]

This is why he should not contact her:

 

-Told her he will miss her...he needs to pull back a little right now, it's only their second date.

 

-She very easily could've called him back after she got out of the car with her family for a second and say, "Hey, sorry to be short before but I was with the family, you know how it is. But thanks for calling and I look forward to seeing you again". After all he was in BED with the girl, hanging out.

 

If he didn't say "I miss you", I would say to send a text on Christmas or New Years to her. But I think he's just making himself too available to her right now and needs to become more of a challenge. Otherwise this can turn into a big game and/or waste of time.