pandagirl Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 I am trying not to be smitten. I am a very rational 31-year-old woman, who knows better than to get all worked up over a guy she's never even met via OKCupid. But I can't help it. We are planning on meeting up on Sunday, and we talk for hours through the day over IM. He's very intriguing and tells me how beautiful and intelligent I am. We're very straight forward with each other. If he says something I don't like, I tell him. I am totally crushed out, but I am also telling myself not to put too much weight into this situation. It's just fun, right? But it's like he's plucking all the right psychological strings that I have, and making my body and brain sing. Ugh. I just hate having expectations before an actual meeting. I feel like it's a disaster waiting to happen. Anyone here have stories who crazy chemistry via email/IM, but nada in real life? Link to post Share on other sites
Pizzaman81 Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 I am trying not to be smitten. I am a very rational 31-year-old woman, who knows better than to get all worked up over a guy she's never even met via OKCupid. But I can't help it. We are planning on meeting up on Sunday, and we talk for hours through the day over IM. He's very intriguing and tells me how beautiful and intelligent I am. We're very straight forward with each other. If he says something I don't like, I tell him. I am totally crushed out, but I am also telling myself not to put too much weight into this situation. It's just fun, right? But it's like he's plucking all the right psychological strings that I have, and making my body and brain sing. Ugh. I just hate having expectations before an actual meeting. I feel like it's a disaster waiting to happen. Anyone here have stories who crazy chemistry via email/IM, but nada in real life? Make an effort to meet the person as soon as possible. I think email and online texting does not say anything about chemistry. You can flirt all you want online but when you see the person in real life and they don't have the expression, body language, vibe, it means nothing... Anyone can write things in black text. edit: Some tend to be more open online vs real life. I've had experiences where a few girls I am not attracted to in person, but they seem fine online. You need to separate internet vs in person. Don't have expectations. Look at the profile picture, read about the basics, then meet the person. Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 I am trying not to be smitten. I am a very rational 31-year-old woman, who knows better than to get all worked up over a guy she's never even met via OKCupid. But I can't help it. We are planning on meeting up on Sunday, and we talk for hours through the day over IM. He's very intriguing and tells me how beautiful and intelligent I am. We're very straight forward with each other. If he says something I don't like, I tell him. I am totally crushed out, but I am also telling myself not to put too much weight into this situation. It's just fun, right? But it's like he's plucking all the right psychological strings that I have, and making my body and brain sing. Ugh. I just hate having expectations before an actual meeting. I feel like it's a disaster waiting to happen. Anyone here have stories who crazy chemistry via email/IM, but nada in real life? Definitely has happened a few times when I tried online dating. You can build a good rapport/chemistry with someone through email/chat etc, but when you meet in person it just isn't there. Thats why its best to meet soon after chatting, so you don't build an impression/expectation before you even meet face to face. Link to post Share on other sites
Confusedalways Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 Been down that road- not fun. It's so easy to get wrapped up... when we met it was dead silence. I am a very outgoing person and I seemed to have to DRAG the conversation out just to get one word answers from him. It was terrible... funny thing is, is he thought it went great. Gushed over how great it went actually! I hope things go well for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Pizzaman81 Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 I think online dating is a way to meet lots and lots of people. But normally, if I were to meet them in person first and talk with them, i'd say 75% of them I wouldn't even go on dates with them. Time and money my friend... time and money. Link to post Share on other sites
Rudderless Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 I am a very rational 31-year-old woman, who knows better than to get all worked up over a guy she's never even met via OKCupid. No, you're not. Link to post Share on other sites
jw90063 Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 I've had a few experiences getting to know a guy just by chatting, and phone. I did feel I developed a good chemistry with them, and it happened to be pretty much the same in person. This was after very long conversations and talking for a while though. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 No, you're not. Um, yeah, she is- back off. Link to post Share on other sites
Rudderless Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 Um, yeah, she is- back off. Yeah she is, and if you think I pay attention to strangers on the internet you're in the same camp Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted December 11, 2009 Author Share Posted December 11, 2009 Definitely has happened a few times when I tried online dating. You can build a good rapport/chemistry with someone through email/chat etc, but when you meet in person it just isn't there. Thats why its best to meet soon after chatting, so you don't build an impression/expectation before you even meet face to face. Ugh, there are already a lot of expectations on HIS part, which is what worries me. That, in turn, makes me anxious. No, you're not. Why would I lie about that? Um, yeah, she is- back off. Thanks, D! Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 Ugh, there are already a lot of expectations on HIS part, which is what worries me. That, in turn, makes me anxious. Why would I lie about that? Thanks, D! I'm guessing the chats have become somewhat sexual, which speeds up things as well in terms of expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
Rudderless Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 Why would I lie about that? You tell me. Why don't you read it back to yourself, you describe yourself as a rational woman who wouldn't get worked up over someone you haven't met. But this is exactly what you're doing, so you don't fit that description. If you beat someone up then told me you're a really nice person I wouldn't agree with that either. It's fine to embrace your whackdom here, nobody actually knows you, but if you can't be honest with yourself, that you're acting like a fantasist and are totally vulnerable then what's the point of posting? It's nuts, if you're like this over someone you haven't met you're going to put yourself in really bothersome situations Link to post Share on other sites
jw90063 Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 You tell me. Why don't you read it back to yourself, you describe yourself as a rational woman who wouldn't get worked up over someone you haven't met. But this is exactly what you're doing, so you don't fit that description. If you beat someone up then told me you're a really nice person I wouldn't agree with that either. It's fine to embrace your whackdom here, nobody actually knows you, but if you can't be honest with yourself, that you're acting like a fantasist and are totally vulnerable then what's the point of posting? It's nuts, if you're like this over someone you haven't met you're going to put yourself in really bothersome situations You must have a dull love life. What is so nuts about it? She has been talking to the guy, and she is excited, but rationally she knows she shouldn't expect too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Rudderless Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 You must have a dull love life. What is so nuts about it? She has been talking to the guy, and she is excited, but rationally she knows she shouldn't expect too much. No, it's not, I'm in a happy relationship right now, so, if you want to take things along those lines how are you doing? It's totally whacked out, the guys like, you're so beautiful when he's never met her, come on, only someone who's lonely and vulnerable is going to lap that up Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted December 11, 2009 Author Share Posted December 11, 2009 I'm guessing the chats have become somewhat sexual, which speeds up things as well in terms of expectations. Yes, well not like actual "cyber-sex." haha. But yes, they have become sexually charged, I guess. Which, I tell him makes me uncomfortable because it sets up expectations. It's fine to embrace your whackdom here, nobody actually knows you, but if you can't be honest with yourself, that you're acting like a fantasist and are totally vulnerable then what's the point of posting? Uh, I've actually talked about this situation with my FRIENDS, too. And the point is, is that I am being honest with myself, because I'm admitting I am excited, even I don't want to be. You must have a dull love life. What is so nuts about it? She has been talking to the guy, and she is excited, but rationally she knows she shouldn't expect too much. haha, thanks for defending me! Link to post Share on other sites
sonicranger Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 Oh golly people. She is clearly a RATIONAL person ACTING irrationally. She is aware of her "behavior" in that she's excited about this guy, who may or may not be the man of her dreams, whatever they are. But you just don't know til you meet face to face, hold hands, see them smile... Link to post Share on other sites
Rudderless Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 Yes, well not like actual "cyber-sex." haha. But yes, they have become sexually charged, I guess. Which, I tell him makes me uncomfortable because it sets up expectations. Oh a real smooth internet operator huh. I wonder how much time and effort he spends constructing those emails? Far too much I'd imagine. Yah go and meet him, maybe it will be love story of the decade, on the other hand, i'd bet my bottom dollar you'll quickly realise why he's so charismatic behind a screen. Link to post Share on other sites
jw90063 Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 Panda, do you care to tell how long you have been talking? Has it just been a few days, or weeks? months? Do you just talk about sexual things or everything else as well? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted December 11, 2009 Author Share Posted December 11, 2009 Oh a real smooth internet operator huh. I wonder how much time and effort he spends constructing those emails? Far too much I'd imagine. Yah go and meet him, maybe it will be love story of the decade, on the other hand, i'd bet my bottom dollar you'll quickly realise why he's so charismatic behind a screen. Perhaps. And this is why I'm nervous! Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 I think it goes hand in hand. Most people determine whether or not they like someone within the first few seconds they see the, which is the physical aspect. Though online dating does include pictures, some people could be photogenic or not so much. But I think no matter what, body language speaks more than words or a picture ever could about a person. I've had chemistry with girls online and none in person. And I have had both. It takes two to tango, and it takes two to make the effort. If one isn't, then clearly chemistry is doomed from the start. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted December 11, 2009 Author Share Posted December 11, 2009 Panda, do you care to tell how long you have been talking? Has it just been a few days, or weeks? months? Do you just talk about sexual things or everything else as well? Hmm, don't know exactly how long... somewhere between 2 and 3 weeks, I think. No, we talk about everything. The sex thing is more of an insinuated nuance. I think it goes hand in hand. Most people determine whether or not they like someone within the first few seconds they see the, which is the physical aspect. Though online dating does include pictures, some people could be photogenic or not so much. But I think no matter what, body language speaks more than words or a picture ever could about a person. I've had chemistry with girls online and none in person. And I have had both. It takes two to tango, and it takes two to make the effort. If one isn't, then clearly chemistry is doomed from the start. I know, he just makes it CLEAR that he is very into me. At the same time, he says there is no pressure, and the worst thing that can happen is we becomes friends. Really, even if you see a billion pictures and you think they're cute from photos, you will never know until you meet them in person. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 PG, meet him ASAP. ASAP-ASAP. I've been VERY let down in the past... where there was MAD chemistry online, and ZILCH in person. More than once. So, yeah - meet him ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
Rudderless Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 Perhaps. And this is why I'm nervous! Yeah but your crush has made you nervous about the date failing, rather than the more obvious risk you're taking from where I'm standing. I just don't see how any man could consider this the proper and sensible way to go about things. Make sure at least one of your friends knows who, where, and when, and has themselves on standby for the evening. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted December 11, 2009 Author Share Posted December 11, 2009 (edited) PG, meet him ASAP. ASAP-ASAP. I've been VERY let down in the past... where there was MAD chemistry online, and ZILCH in person. More than once. So, yeah - meet him ASAP. Oh man. I'm scared! Well, it's either going to be amazing, or meh. I can deal with either, preferably the former. haha. EDIT: I would like to add that I NEVER let myself get this excited about guys. Ever. I'm trying to let go and not take things so seriously. It's an experiment. Edited December 11, 2009 by pandagirl Link to post Share on other sites
Boundary Problem Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 I wish you luck. Enjoy it for what it is. Perhaps life will surprise you.... Oh - and trust your intuition. Link to post Share on other sites
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