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Afraid to date, tired of whining about my love life, yet tired of being alone...


CarmenSandiego

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CarmenSandiego

I'm a 25 y.o. woman who has been single for 2 years. During this time, I have not been able to find someone that I want to call my boyfriend. For awhile, it was actually a good thing, because I needed time to get myself on track and figure out what I wanted from my life, as opposed to what my Ex boyfriend wanted me to want from my life (basically mold my life to his).

 

I was with him for 4 years, lived with him, and was shopping for engagement rings--I broke it off--and I would never change a thing about leaving him, except that I wish I did it earlier. Then there was another casual guy after that, who I had feelings for, but he did not have feelings for me. Meanwhile my ex bf was meddling in all of my business, called me with suicide threats, and caused a huge fight between me and my old best friend. I lost contact with my ex and the casual guy, started concentrating on myself again.

 

I took a little break, then joined Eharmony and Match.com. I was dicked around a little and met a few freaks. Nothing came of it. I got involved with someone I went to high school with, and he was nice...but it was going nowhere, and he was really just there to entertain me, as horrible as that sounds.

 

I've also never had a good outlook on relationships, since my parents' is extremely toxic.

 

Basically, I've had crap luck for the past 2 years.

 

I'm now back in college, and I find another guy attractive again. However, it's scaring the crap out of me, and I am spotting all of his flaws and making grand assumptions about how crappy of a guy he'd be, and I have not even spoken to him that much (but we both know we're interested in each other). It's like I have this criteria checklist in my head of how a man SHOULD be, but guess what? I still haven't met him.

 

What I'm saying is I'm afraid to give anyone a chance, thinking that I'm going to end up disappointed/wasting my time/heartbroken/taken advantage of, and I end up with nothing. I am sick and tired of whining about how boring and crappy my love life is and being the seemingly perpetually single girl, too!

 

How do I get out of this? I truly do want to find a good guy and have that good relationship and companionship but I just can't break the walls down and trust again. It's like I'm afraid to make a mistake.

 

I don't want to be an ice queen anymore!

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