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dating someone with a roommate of the opposite sex


dreamergrl

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Guys - if the girl you were seeing had a male roommate? Would it ever make you feel uncomfortable?

 

 

Girls would it bother you if the guy you were starting to date had a female roommate?

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looking4 green grass

I have dated a guy with a female roommate before. Once I met her I was completely Ok with it, and it was never an issue.

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Not a deal breaker for sure.

 

Although I cant live with people personally. Havent had a roommate since college, and the last one I threw out a window (short drop)

 

It would make me wonder though about her boundaries in general.

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Really depends on specific circumstances.

 

Generally, not knowing anything about the situation or much about the people involved, etc. yes, it would bother me and would potentially be a dealbreaker.

 

No matter what it would be something that would need some discussion and/or investigating before I would get serious with the guy.

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melodymatters

Hmm, I'm curious about this well as my roomate ( we just bought a foreclosure together) is a guy, AND an ex from a hundred years ago. We went on to marry other people and stayed friends and have JUST been friends for 5 years now. When I'm ready to date I see problems on the horizon, but oh well !

 

I would date a guy with a F roomate as long as there were no weird signs ie : she gets huffy when I come over, acts like she hates me, he puts her feelings and needs before mine etc....

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I'll chime in with my opinion now..

 

I don't see it as an issue as long as their aren't signs that there's something going on, or the roommate doesn't have an issue with gf/bf.

 

I've had both male and female roommates. I get along better with male roommates.

 

I've never gotten romantically interested in any males I've lived with, so I'd find it a bit offensive to have a guy make a judgment call on me for having a male roommate, with no reason too.

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What are the signs exactly?

 

Are they neon? Strategically placed so that the next potential mate can clearly see them?

 

It's not rocket science. It's like seeing red flags in a normal relationship. Reread what MM said, without giving her grief over living with her long ago ex who she is friends with.

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It's not rocket science. It's like seeing red flags in a normal relationship. Reread what MM said, without giving her grief over living with her long ago ex who she is friends with.

 

 

I wouldnt give her grief. I just wouldnt date her

 

I try to keep my life a drama free zone.

 

And I think "trust" fallbacks are justs tupid.

 

Presumably if Im just meeting someone, or they are just meeting me, we dont know each other well. I dont know if I can trust you, which is why you spend time getting to knwo the other person before making any permanent commitment to them.

 

It isnt going to further the trust building process if certain things are present. In no partilcular order

 

A girl who is dressing up to hang out in clubs with her gf every week

 

A girl who is still best friends with with her ex or exes

 

A girl that lives with physiscally attractive males, and constantly has their friends as well being entertained and paraded in the house.

 

Just to name a few.

 

Its not that all these situations are in and of themselves indicative of an unreliable or distrustworthy mate. Its that the time effort and angst figuring out whether they are or arent isnt worth the effort. And frankly because however awesome you may be yoruself, the majority of the time they are exactly what one fears they may be. And how much do you really want to throw into a relationship with that many warnign flags.

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Guys - if the girl you were seeing had a male roommate? Would it ever make you feel uncomfortable?

 

If she only has one roommate and it's a guy, I wouldn't date her.

 

If there is more than one roommate, meaning girls and guys she shares a flat or a house with, I might date her.

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None of those points make a person untrustworthy.

 

A girl can go out with friends and still be faithful to her boyfriend.

 

A girl can have male friends and still be faithful.

 

A girl can live with an attractive male and still be faithful.

 

I've never cheated and I do or have all of the above. Not being able to trust a person for having friends, going out with them, and living with a certain type of person is more of an indicator that you have trust issues then the person not being trustworthy.

 

Now if the person crosses boundaries, then yes, you have reason to not trust, but until then, why judge? Based on past experiences? If so, it's not fair to a new person because you've had some bad past experiences. Not everyone is the same.

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None of those points make a person untrustworthy.

 

A girl can go out with friends and still be faithful to her boyfriend.

 

A girl can have male friends and still be faithful.

 

A girl can live with an attractive male and still be faithful.

 

I've never cheated and I do or have all of the above. Not being able to trust a person for having friends, going out with them, and living with a certain type of person is more of an indicator that you have trust issues then the person not being trustworthy.

 

Now if the person crosses boundaries, then yes, you have reason to not trust, but until then, why judge? Based on past experiences? If so, it's not fair to a new person because you've had some bad past experiences. Not everyone is the same.

 

 

Where did I say she or he couldnt?

 

The difference is you feel entitled to a chance to demonstrate yourself as worthy of trust. Let me show you the type of person I am.

 

Thats fine.

 

Personally I just think its not worth the effort. I'd really have to be f;ing blown away to put myself in that situation. It screams drama. You said to lookat the signs, Thats the sign Im seeing based on past experience and the past experiences Ive observed from others.

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Before my fiance and I moved in together, we both had roomates.

 

I had one female and two males (one was my brother).

He had two male roomates.

 

Then he moved to the DC area for school and I stayed behind at first. I took up in a huge house with 3 guys. One was an old friend who, like myself, was a single parent. It was good because our boys had been play mates for a couple of years. Plus all of the guys were in freelance journalism so they were often gone.

The two younger ones I didn't know as well did proposition me but it doesn't mean I have to sleep with them. :rolleyes:

My fiance didn't sweat it. I told him they propositioned me and he said "they have good taste." :laugh:

 

Not a biggie unless the person you're dating lacks class and that has little to do with who they have as a roomie. Hell it might even help you be aware they're no good faster than if they didn't have a roomate of the opposite gender! ;)

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If a guy had a girl as a roommate, that would bother me. Unless I truely knew him, and his relationship with the girl, I don't think I would be too happy about the situation. I'm not saying I wouldn't date the guy necessarily.

 

This one guy I met from my previous job, we had talked on the phone for a good bit before meeting. He was telling me about his roommate, that recently moved out. She was a girl, and I got this strange feeling about it. He said they didn't date or anything though.

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melodymatters

I can understand why someone would be hesitant to get involved with somone living with an ex, heck, I would be leary myself.

 

Hope i'm not TJ-ing, but in this case : I was widowed, he was divorced, he found a great deal on a beach condo, we decided to go in on it as we both needed a place to live, and neither would have to deal with stranger roomates.

 

All that aside, i'm sure it might be hard for the next Tom, Dick or Harry to get their mind around.

 

Since I'm SO not ready to date, making a decision based on an imaginary guy in my future seemed beyond absurd.

 

I HOPE, that when I am ready to date, it will be somone I get to know as friends for awhile. Then he would know my back story. If anything the pics of my dead husband and his box of ashes might freak him out MORE !

 

Wow, guess I'm baggaged up, and I couldn't care less ! Someone would have to be pretty damn special and thats what the next guy will have to be anyway ! So, don't worry jersey boy, I won't try and sneak you on my dance card !

 

Why are you asking DG, is this the case with somone you are interested in or are you thinking of getting a male roomate ?

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It's mainly about having boundaries. If those boundaries aren't crossed, why be alarmed about it?

 

 

Because people lie.

 

And when you dont know someone well enough to discern if they are among those who do, you are more suspect of what their actions demonstrate.

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I can understand why someone would be hesitant to get involved with somone living with an ex, heck, I would be leary myself.

 

I can see being leary, but I don't see a reason to dismiss a person until I know the whole deal.

 

Hope i'm not TJ-ing, but in this case : I was widowed, he was divorced, he found a great deal on a beach condo, we decided to go in on it as we both needed a place to live, and neither would have to deal with stranger roomates. All that aside, i'm sure it might be hard for the next Tom, Dick or Harry to get their mind around. Since I'm SO not ready to date, making a decision based on an imaginary guy in my future seemed beyond absurd.

 

I HOPE, that when I am ready to date, it will be somone I get to know as friends for awhile. Then he would know my back story. If anything the pics of my dead husband and his box of ashes might freak him out MORE !

 

And see, I think your situation is unique, and if you were a male with this back story, I don't see why it should alarm me. Everyone has different situations. When I moved out here, I wasn't looking to jump into something serious off the bat, and I wanted a roommate that I could live with with and get along well with. I was establishing myself out here. I've lived with females before, and I knew I'd be happier with a male roommate and get along better with a male roommate.

 

 

 

 

Why are you asking DG, is this the case with somone you are interested in or are you thinking of getting a male roomate ?

 

Nah, I have a male roommate, who has a gf (that he met a week after he moved in). I just started dating again, and was just curious. Although it hasn't been a problem with guys I've dated since being in Denver, I was curious as to how other people view the situation.

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Because people lie.

 

And when you dont know someone well enough to discern if they are among those who do, you are more suspect of what their actions demonstrate.

 

Some people lie. You can't read actions until you get to know them. Bascially you are just making assumptions until you do. Assumptions aren't a good thing.

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Some people lie. You can't read actions until you get to know them. Bascially you are just making assumptions until you do. Assumptions aren't a good thing.

 

 

Were still talking past one another.

 

I dont assume anything. I wouldnt sit there saying to myself this person is lying to me and Im sure of it.

 

Rather Id be thinking she may be telling the truth, its just not worth it to me to find out.

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Guys - if the girl you were seeing had a male roommate? Would it ever make you feel uncomfortable?

QUOTE]

 

Does he have a cute GF? Can we all engage in some hot friendly "who can disturb the neighbors most through the walls" competition?

 

Seriously... eh hard to say. Kind of a case by case basis thing. It would certainly make me very very wary. Have seen and participated in too much drama along these lines. Not a dealbreaker, but a flag.

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It's mainly about having boundaries. If those boundaries aren't crossed, why be alarmed about it?

 

In my case, I wouldn't date her because I couldn't relate at all. I have no female friends and I don't stay in contact with exes.

 

I'd never dream of having a female roommate, it just seems weird. Given my mindset, there'd always be trouble eventually because of it.

 

It just depends on what people are comfortable with. I moved back in with my parents when I came back to my hometown after college. Most women won't date grown men who live with their parents.

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Does he have a cute GF? Can we all engage in some hot friendly "who can disturb the neighbors most through the walls" competition?

 

:lmao::lmao: Sorry that one cracked me up!

 

 

 

Seriously... eh hard to say. Kind of a case by case basis thing. It would certainly make me very very wary. Have seen and participated in too much drama along these lines. Not a dealbreaker, but a flag.

 

My case:

 

My roommate has a girlfriend, who's house he's at half the time. They are an awesome match together, it's easy to see if you see them together. I have no attraction to him.

 

We even have our own bathrooms. Mine is attached to my bedroom. I don't go parading around in a towel. I don't engage in anything with him that would indicate there's something more then a roommate friendship. I have no history of cheating.

 

So why would there be a flag?

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